Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

omgiamwish:

For this post by @incorrect-batfamily-quotes

Batjet: *glides down the Batcave driveway and parks itself smoothly*

Batjet door: *opens dramatically*

One of Batman’s boots: *steps out*

Red Robin: *shields his eyes from the brightness* AH!

The rest of Batman’s body: *gets out*

Red Hood: *snorts* HA! *covers his mouth as soon as the yell escapes his mouth*

Batman:

Batman: Hn.

Alfred: *taking the snow-white fur cape off Bruce’s shoulders* Welcome home, Master Bruce. I trust your mission in the Alps with Mr. Kent went well?

Batman: *grunts*

Nightwing: *trying desperately to contain his giggling* D-did y-y-you g-get a h-haircut over there, B?

Red Robin: *smirking and elbowing Jason’s ribs* Or a tan? Something’s definitely different.

Red Hood: *shaking uncontrollably and muttering* Stop it or I’m gonna lose it, Replacement.

Robin: Don’t be ridiculous, Drake. On an unrelated note, have you seen Disney’s “Frozen”, Father?

His brothers: *erupt into full-blown laughter*

Batman: *takes off his cowl, sighs wearily and slumps onto his computer chair*

Nightwing: *on the Comm Link, in a sing-song tone* Baaaabs, guess who just got into fashion? No, not me – Okay, yeah, but that’s not the point –

Robin: *on FaceTime with Jon* Kent, you will not believe – Oh, of course your father already told you –

Red Robin: *on the phone with Conner* – pictures, Dude –

Alfred: *serves him tea* Well, I think you look lovely, Master Bruce. The bright yellow goes well with all the brooding.

Batman:

Batman: *grinning as he sips tea*

Red Hood: *wiping blissful tears off his eyes as he types a message on Tumblr* @omgiamwish , quick, how do I wire-transfer money to your Earth?

Me: *comes up beside Jason, shaking my head and grinning* Yes, you have, @omgiamwish . Yes, you have.

Brilliant. Thank you!

Black Bat: *takes her hands off @nanna-the-batmum ’s eyes* Ta-daaa!

Spoiler: *rolling on the floor and wheezing from excessive laughter*

The Signal: *walking distractedly into the Batcave as he goes through messages on his phone* Uh, guys? I just got a text from Jason, something about – *does a double-take and covers his mouth the moment he realizes it’s Bruce* Wooooahhhh, no, no, dude – Is this really happening right now?

Batgirl: Somehow more mind-boggling than the existence of parallel Earths, huh? This is gonna confuse my dad. I should probably give him a heads up.

Me: *dials an undisclosed number on my phone* Heeeeyyyy Selina… I’m sorry to bother you, but you might wanna drop that diamond you’re stuffing into your suit and come over. I’ve got something… shinier.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Alfred: *hears sniffling*

Alfred: *walks into the Batcave and notices a small light in otherwise utter darkness*

Alfred: *turns on all the lights, waits for his eyes to adjust and sees Bruce sitting on his computer chair, staring into the distance* Master Bruce?

Batman: *clears his throat and wipes his face haphazardly* Alfred. I – I didn’t hear you come in.

Alfred: My word… It’s been a while since I last saw you shed a tear. What’s the matt–

Batman: *gets up and starts working on his latest gadget* Allergies! You know I have them.

Alfred: I’ve been with you since before you were in nappies. You most certainly do not.

Batman: I meant fear toxin! Crane’s b-back in town.

Alfred: Master. Bruce.

Batman: *putting on his cowl and cape in a hurry* The signal, Alfred – Gordon, rooftop – *runs into the Batmobile*

Alfred: *muttering as he picks up what looks to be a discarded phone from the ground and dusts it off* Such a simple question. But perhaps I should have known better. *sighs*

Me: *walking into the Batcave with Dick and holding my hair down as the Batmobile zooms past us*

Nightwing: *drops the cereal bar he was munching on* Broosh? Wha– He totally forgot about me! *jumps on his motorcycle and speeds off*

Alfred: I believe this belongs to you.

Me: *takes my phone from him* He’s been looking at our Tumblr account again, huh? *scrolls through the inbox*

Me: *grinning from ear to ear*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is so touching that it could make even Mr. Poker McBatface show some emotion, is what I’m trying to say. Thank you, thank you, @unsaddledlamb!

omgiamwish:

For this post by @incorrect-batfamily-quotes

Batjet: *glides down the Batcave driveway and parks itself smoothly*

Batjet door: *opens dramatically*

One of Batman’s boots: *steps out*

Red Robin: *shields his eyes from the brightness* AH!

The rest of Batman’s body: *gets out*

Red Hood: *snorts* HA! *covers his mouth as soon as the yell escapes his mouth*

Batman:

Batman: Hn.

Alfred: *taking the snow-white fur cape off Bruce’s shoulders* Welcome home, Master Bruce. I trust your mission in the Alps with Mr. Kent went well?

Batman: *grunts*

Nightwing: *trying desperately to contain his giggling* D-did y-y-you g-get a h-haircut over there, B?

Red Robin: *smirking and elbowing Jason’s ribs* Or a tan? Something’s definitely different.

Red Hood: *shaking uncontrollably and muttering* Stop it or I’m gonna lose it, Replacement.

Robin: Don’t be ridiculous, Drake. On an unrelated note, have you seen Disney’s “Frozen”, Father?

His brothers: *erupt into full-blown laughter*

Batman: *takes off his cowl, sighs wearily and slumps onto his computer chair*

Nightwing: *on the Comm Link, in a sing-song tone* Baaaabs, guess who just got into fashion? No, not me – Okay, yeah, but that’s not the point –

Robin: *on FaceTime with Jon* Kent, you will not believe – Oh, of course your father already told you –

Red Robin: *on the phone with Conner* – pictures, Dude –

Alfred: *serves him tea* Well, I think you look lovely, Master Bruce. The bright yellow goes well with all the brooding.

Batman:

Batman: *grinning as he sips tea*

Red Hood: *wiping blissful tears off his eyes as he types a message on Tumblr* @omgiamwish , quick, how do I wire-transfer money to your Earth?

Me: *comes up beside Jason, shaking my head and grinning* Yes, you have, @omgiamwish . Yes, you have.

Brilliant. Thank you!

nanna-the-batmum:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Alfred: *walks into the Batcave carrying a tray of cookies*

Alfred:

Alfred: Master Bruce, is everything alright?

Batman: *looks up for a second* Oh. Alfred.

Alfred: *frowns suspiciously*

Batman: *distractedly* Uh, Alps. Mission. With Clark.

Alfred: *looks at the Batcomputer screen displaying a Tumblr page*

Batman: I’ve been doing some research on optimal wilderness disguises.

Alfred: *watching silently as his vigilante son, donning a yellow cowl, pulls at tight spots on his snow-colored suit and flips its matching furry cape, using the Batmobile’s reflective surface as a mirror*

Alfred: *leaves the tray on Bruce’s work table and proceeds to walk out, grinning* Then I shall leave you to it.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

@xellexavierxau, looks like someone liked your idea.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO DRAW THIS ITS SO CUTE

Me: *whispering to @nanna-the-batmum * I was actually thinking the same thing – *does a double-take*

Red Hood: *holding up a hand-painted sign saying “WANTED: artist willing to draw Bruce in a fluffy, white Batsuit, REWARD: 1 BILLION DOLLARS”*

Me: Jason, we can’t afford that –

Nightwing: *empties his piggy bank onto the kitchen table* Savings from my days as a police officer.

Red Robin: *writes a check* Savings from my days as CEO of Wayne Enterprises.

Robin: *takes out a thick wad of cash from his utility belt* Spare change.

Red Hood: *clicks on a banking app on his phone* And a liiiiittle bit more from Bruce’s days as Bruce Wayne.

Me: *face-palms*

Me: I guess they want it more than we do.

The Robins as…

a-wayne-at-heart:

HOSPITAL PATIENTS:

Dick: 

  • “Oh, those glass shards on my back? I get them all the time. No biggie. Hey, do you guys serve cereal?”
  • The staff love checking him ou – er, checking up on him.
  • Regales them with stories of past injuries, which none of them can believe are even possible (”Then how are you still alive?”)

Jason

  • Fake ID (since, you know, legally dead and all)
  • Wheeled into the hospital room by 5 AM, out through the window in a hospital gown and onto a waiting motorcycle by 5:15 AM  

Tim: 

  • Double-checks every diagnosis and every medication and cross-references them with similar cases in the city (and occasionally schools whomever is unfortunate enough to check up on him)
  • Who knows how pure liquid caffeine got injected into his IV bottle?

Damian:

  • “You call this food? My father will buy this place!”
  • Physical examination? You might as well put your hand inside a Tasmanian devil’s tunnel.