Tim: Dick, we have a problem.
Dick: Guys, I am not your mother, so don’t come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn’t like.
Tim: I’m telling you, he’s crazy. He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice.
Damian: No I didn’t.
Tim: Oh, so you’re saying you didn’t threaten to cut my hair off and give it to Ra’s as a birthday present?
Damian: You know, Drake, I think you’re taking my words a little out of context.
Tim: What?! What context?!
Breakfast at the Manor…
Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
At the Titans Tower…
Conner: *watching in mild amusement as Tim and Damian tear each other apart with words*
– 4 hours later –
Conner: *yawning* How do you ever get anything done if all you ever do is argue with each other?
Damian: *stares menacingly at him, reaching for the Kryptonite spray in his pocket*
Tim: We don’t! That’s part of our charm! Quit messing it up! *slams the door on Conner and continues his screaming match with his little brother*
In the Batplane…
Batman:
The Flash:
Batman:
The Flash: *shuddering*
Batman: You okay?
The Flash: *still trying to get over seeing Red Robin and Robin in action only a few moments back*
The Flash: You convinced two healthy kids to jump out of a plane. Is that even legal?
When your brother visits your Blüdhaven apartment…
Dick: How cheap do you think I am?
Jason: *grabs a box from the cupboard and shakes it* Well, your cereal box says, “Cereal”.
Dick: *grabs the box and returns it to the cupboard* Generic is how you get your savings.
When your brother visits your Blüdhaven apartment…
Dick: How cheap do you think I am?
Jason: *grabs a box from the cupboard and shakes it* Well, your cereal box says, “Cereal”.
Dick: *grabs the box and returns it to the cupboard* Generic is how you get your savings.
Early on-the-job training with the “OG Robin” be like…
Goons: *in hot pursuit*
Robin: *standing on the edge of a cliff* Y-you w-want me to j-j-jump?
Nightwing: *chuckles* No, Tim, I want you to have the power to apparate like the teenage wizards in “Harry Potter”, but you don’t, so into the wind you go! *shoves him lightly then follows*
Nightwing: I want to give you a hug.
Red Hood: Do you want to get tazed?
Nightwing: Pass.
Batman: Alfred, I need a car.
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: Call an Uber.
Batman: What am I? 19?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
No, more like a middle-aged teenager. (Also, this is Alfred’s version of grounding you for almost dying during your last mission, Bruce.)
Nightwing: *singing NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye”*
Robin: *abruptly hits the Batmobile brakes*
Nightwing: *slumps back into the passenger seat and takes an earphone out of his ear*
Robin: You know what I find annoying?
Nightwing: Me?
Robin: *grabs Dick’s earphones, chucks them out of the window, and floors the gas pedal*Yes.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 