What Batman’s day is really like…
Dick: *watching on as one of his brothers does something*
Dick: Bruce? Did you just see – ?
Bruce: Yes. I’ll deal with that tomorrow.
Tag: incorrect batfamily quotes
Mission on a remote island…
Red Robin: *cutting through jungle foliage with his bo staff* Brat, who are you talking to – Oh, #*$@!!!
Alien: BLARG!
Robin: *standing in front of the nine-foot-tall, Predator-looking creature, ready to defend it* Stop! He is my friend! He’s not going to eat anybody!
Red Hood: *yelling from behind a bush* Yeah! Says you stink too much to eat!
Nightwing: You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this.
Red Hood: I agree, except replace the word “non” with “extremely”, and after the word “violent”, include the phrase "blood explosion extraordinaire"!
Trying to get your brother to make healthier choices be like…
Nightwing: *laying the blueprint for a warehouse across the street on the rooftop deck*
Red Robin: *setting up surveillance equipment*
Robin: *adjusting Goliath’s leash*
Red Hood: *coughs*
Red Robin: Wait a second, are you smoking inside of your helment again?
Red Hood: What? No.
Red Hood: *tries to stifle another cough as smoke comes out of the vents in his helmet* Oops.
Nightwing: *locating Alfred on his communicator* I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?
Red Hood: None.
Nightwing, Red Robin and Robin: *glare at him*
Red Hood: Okay, five… or more. Baker’s dozen at most.
Robin: Do you even know how many there are in a baker’s dozen, Todd?
Red Hood: By my count? Forty-eight.
Dick: *leaning over the sofa in the Wayne Manor library* Wow, Little Wing, you were asleep for a long time. What were you dreaming about?
Jason: *yawning and stretching, swiftly catching the novel that falls from his chest as he gets up* Nothing. I don’t like to dream. I try not to think while I’m sleeping.
Damian: *not looking up from the novel he’s reading at the other side of the room* That’s pretty much how you function while you’re awake, too.
Post-mission debriefing…
Batman: *listening*
Nightwing: At first, it didn’t seem physically possible.
Red Robin: But modern-day technology makes anything possible. It was as easy as Shake-‘N-Bake!
Red Hood: *wiggles eyebrows* And I helped.
Robin: Actually, Todd, I don’t really know if snickering in the corner all night like a prepubescent monkey actually qualifies as help, but it sure was entertaining.
Sending your brothers off to a mission when you’re stuck doing monitor duty at the Batcave be like…
Red Hood: Good luck, everyone. I packed you all lunches for the trip.
Nightwing: Thanks, Jay. That was really nice of you.
Red Robin: Not really. All my bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid.
Robin: *peeks into his own lunch bag* Tt.
Red Hood: Don’t forget to wash your exhaust pipe every day!
Jason: Timbo, when you think you’re dreaming, you don’t punch somebody else. You get somebody else to punch you.
Tim: Dude, it doesn’t matter what kind of dream I’m having, I am not going to ask you to punch me.
Bruce: Have I ever told you that you’re my favorite Robin?
Dick: Bruuuuce. Come on!
Bruce: I think instinctively you must know…
Dick: I mean, it’s like…
Bruce: I mean you’ve gotten away with everything…
Dick: *giggles* Bruce, you don’t have to say that…
Bruce: You’ll always be my little bo–
Door: *thud thud thud*
Batman: *muffled* Nightwing, get up. It’s time for patrol.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And it had been such a nice dream, too.
Paintball war at the Manor…
Dick: *whispering* Why did the Resurrected Robins stop firing?
Tim: *listening to every sound* I don’t know… They’re probably out of ammo.
Jason: *yelling from a makeshift fort in Damian’s room* Hey, Fake-Dead Robins, we are giving you a chance to surrender!
Dick: *aims his paintball marker at the draped Batman bedsheet* Yeah, they’re definitely out of ammo.
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