Mar’i [5 years old]: *watches as a group of adults “ooooh” and “awww” over a little girl and a little boy holding hands in a playground* Are you gonna be this cool when I like a boy?
Kori: Well –
Dick: No, not a chance.
When you eavesdrop on a conversation between your super dad and one of his super friends (and instantly regret it)…
Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian: *hiding behind the dinosaur in the Batcave*
Bruce [on the phone with Clark]: *in a gruff voice* Hal thinks he can “Mean Girls” me?! Hn! How lame is that? Let me tell you something, I might be a pretty face, but I fight to win. Just like “Legally Blonde”!
Dick: *covers his mouth as he starts to giggle, then looks at Jason*
Jason: *sticks his tongue out in disgust, then looks as Tim*
Tim: *slowly shakes his head and mouths “Wrong, just wrong”*
Damian: *crosses his arms and lets out a small -Tt-*
Peralta men: doing the exact opposite of what they say
suggested by anonymous
IMAGINE:
Nightwing [to Alfred]: *after finding out that Bruce teamed up with Deathstroke for a case behind his back* “I’m gonna go down to the Batcave, and I’m gonna express my concerns to him in a calm, rational manner.”
5 minutes later…
Nightwing [to Batman]: *dramatically flailing his arms* “What are you doing, Bruce?! He’s evil!”
>>> — <<<
Dick [to Bruce]: *after telling him that Jason’s coming over to the manor* Look, I know you don’t like him right now, but can you at least try to be nice to him for me?
Bruce: *grunts*
5 minutes later…
Red Hood: *getting off his motorcycle on the Manor driveway*
Bruce: *stomping towards him and pointing at him* I’m glad you’re no longer dead, you lousy son of mine!
Dick: *ticking things off his list* Batstagram announcement, posted… Cereal cupcakes, ordered… Bouncy Bat Castle from Wayne Tech, specifically blue, in production… Bat signal care of Commissioner Gordon, en route… Floral arrangements care of Ivy… Oh!
Dick: Bruce, can I invite some of the rogues?
Bruce: *grunts*
>>> *** <<<
Dick: I have to say, yours is gonna a be a bit challenging, Little Wing, but I still think we should go for it.
Jason: …
Dick: *counting with his fingers* There’s your birthday-birthday… Then the day Bruce took you in after you tried to steal his wheels… Then when he adopted you… Then the day you… Well, that day… Do you think we should include that? Or is that awkward? We could always just skip to you coming back to life, which is definitely worth celeb–
Jason: For the last time, Dick, get out of my room! *slams the bathroom door* I’m trying to take a dump in here!
Dick: Awkward it is.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *sitting at the foot of Tim’s bed* So, I was thinking, we could maybe get a thousand drones… Oh. No, that’s… a bit inappropriate. Nooo drones. *scratching “drones that form the words ‘Happy Adoption Day, Tim!‘” off his list* Well, we could just ask Kon to whoosh into the lawn –
Dick: *sketching* I mean, can you already picture it, Little D? I’m not that good at drawing stuff, but check this out. *shows his sketch to Damian*
Damian: *looking unimpressed* And what’s that supposed to be?
Dick: That’s the playroom turned into a lab! Since you weren’t technically adopted or birthed or whatever, I thought we’d celebrate that time you were in the “womb”. *goes back to sketching* I mean, we could even borrow some of Selina’s cats to make it more festive.
Dick: *grinning proudly* Schway, right? *looks up from his BatPad*
Dick: Where’d he go?
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *rubs his neck sheepishly* Look, Cass, it’s okay if you’re not up to it, but I just thought maybe…
Cass: *smiles brightly, claps her hands excitedly, and hugs Dick* I’m up to it! I’ve got some ideas of my own!
>>> *** <<<
Dick: What do you think, Alf? Can we pull it all off?
Alfred: Master Dick, while it may increase your father’s white hairs, I do think we don’t celebrate enough in this family.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Yeah, but he also wants his siblings to celebrate their “special days”, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for the suggestion!
Him: *claps his hands to get the students’ attention* “Okay, so. It’s your turn to try the moves I showed you. I need a volunteer. Who wants to go first?”
Hands: *shoot up in the air before he even finishes saying the word “first”*
Him: *beckons a student over* “You.”
Student: *approaches him*
Him: *chuckles sheepishly and holds up a hand* “Woah there, a little too close. I can, uh, practically smell your breath. *clears his throat* So here’s how it’s going to go. I’m going to tackle you from behind…”
Student: *staring at him dreamily*
Him: “… and you’re supposed to fight back.”
Student: *nodding absentmindedly*
Him: *proceeds to tackle them*
Student: *melts in his arms*
Him: *sighs in frustration*
>>> — <<<
Him: *does a standing double backflip, pulls escrima sticks from his back mid-air, then lands lightly on his feet, pouncing on a dummy*
Class: *silent*
Student: “You want us to do what now?”
JASON:
Him: *demonstrates how to disarm an attacker using a dummy*
Class: *watches in horror as the dummy practically breaks in half*
Him: *growls, stands up, then roughly wipes the sweat off his face*
Him: *finally notices their shock* “But, you know, it’s, um… It’s just one way to do it. You could always improvise.”
>>> — <<<
Student: *approaches him after class* “Mr. Todd, can I just pay you?”
Him: “Well, yeah, these classes aren’t exactly free…”
Student: “I mean, can I just pay you to go around with me?”
Him: “Uh…”
Student: *shaky breath* “It’s just that there’s this bully in my school and…”
Him: “Say no more. It’s on me.”
TIM:
Class: *puzzled*
Student A: “Uh… This is a train station.”
Him: *tossing a blindfold to each of them* Yup.
Student B: “Where exactly are we headed?”
Him: *listens for an oncoming train* On top.
Student C: “Of the train?”
Him: *sipping liquid caffeine from a sachet* Mm-hm.
Student D: *examining the blindfold in their hand, confused* “Yeah… I don’t think any of us are gonna get mugged on top of a train any time soon.”
Him: *wearing his own blindfold and smirking* It’s better to know it and not need it.
>>> — <<<
Class: *puzzled*
Student A: “Uh… This is a computer room.”
Him: *turning the lights on* “Yup. Each of you choose a laptop.”
Student B: “What exactly are we doing here? I thought this was a self-defense class.”
Him: *turning on the state-of-the-art laptop at the front of the room* “Ever heard of cyber bullying?”
DAMIAN:
Him: *drags a heavy crate into the training room and opens it* Line up. Pick your weapon. Then pair up. Do it quickly and *narrows his eyes* quietly.
Student A: *whispering while gingerly touching the tip of an arrowhead* Is this… kryptonite?
Student B: *whispering back while examining the katana in their hand* I don’t know, but I don’t think this is gonna fit in my purse.
>>> — <<<
Him: *pacing around the room* As I was saying, every martial art is – *does a double take* Todd?
Jason: *walking into the dojo with a student* In the flesh. Wassup, little brother?
Student: *points at Damian* That’s the bully I was telling you about!
Him: -Tt-
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
You know, I’ve read great reviews about these self-defense instructors from Gotham City. But I heard Batman might take you in soon after completing their courses, @prison-mikes-bandana . *scoffs* That’s silly.
Dick: *ticking things off his list* Batstagram announcement, posted… Cereal cupcakes, ordered… Bouncy Bat Castle from Wayne Tech, specifically blue, in production… Bat signal care of Commissioner Gordon, en route… Floral arrangements care of Ivy… Oh!
Dick: Bruce, can I invite some of the rogues?
Bruce: *grunts*
>>> *** <<<
Dick: I have to say, yours is gonna a be a bit challenging, Little Wing, but I still think we should go for it.
Jason: …
Dick: *counting with his fingers* There’s your birthday-birthday… Then the day Bruce took you in after you tried to steal his wheels… Then when he adopted you… Then the day you… Well, that day… Do you think we should include that? Or is that awkward? We could always just skip to you coming back to life, which is definitely worth celeb–
Jason: For the last time, Dick, get out of my room! *slams the bathroom door* I’m trying to take a dump in here!
Dick: Awkward it is.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *sitting at the foot of Tim’s bed* So, I was thinking, we could maybe get a thousand drones… Oh. No, that’s… a bit inappropriate. Nooo drones. *scratching “drones that form the words “Happy Adoption Day, Tim!” off his list* Well, we could just ask Kon to whoosh into the lawn –
Dick: *sketching* I mean, can you already picture it, Little D? I’m not that good at drawing stuff, but check this out. *shows his sketch to Damian*
Damian: *looking unimpressed* And what’s that supposed to be?
Dick: That’s the playroom turned into a lab! Since you weren’t technically adopted or birthed or whatever, I thought we’d celebrate that time you were in the “womb”. *goes back to sketching* I mean, we could even borrow some of Selina’s cats to make it more festive.
Dick: *grinning proudly* Schway, right? *looks up from his BatPad*
Dick: Where’d he go?
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *rubs his neck sheepishly* Look, Cass, it’s okay if you’re not up to it, but I just thought maybe…
Cass: *smiles brightly, claps her hands excitedly, and hugs Dick* I’m up to it! I’ve got some ideas of my own!
>>> *** <<<
Dick: What do you think, Alf? Can we pull it all off?
Alfred: Master Dick, while it may increase your father’s white hairs, I do think we don’t celebrate enough in this family.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Yeah, but he also wants his siblings to celebrate their “special days”, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for the suggestion!
You can check out my answer on a-wayne-at-heart-too (which I intend to be my main page for Asks), but I’ll be reblogging it here, too. Once again, thanks for another fun Ask, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . 🙂
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 