Nightwing: *dismantling power-dampening wristbands on Starfire*
Nightwing: Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to get out of handcuffs?
Starfire: Whew! Well, thank Zal you’ve been arrested so many times.
Nightwing: *smirks* Arrested?
Tag: hug monster
Why Batman disdains out-of-town supervillain lairs (or taking his sons with him all at once)…
Nightwing: Turkey farm?
Red Hood: No.
Red Robin: Skunks?
Red Hood: No.
Robin: Slaughterhouse?
Red Hood: No.
Catwoman: What are you boys doing back there?
Red Robin: We’re playing “What’s That Odor?”.
Robin: Father’s feet?
Batman: Hn. Damian.
Red Hood: You win, Dami.
Batman: Jason.
Nightwing: Are we there yet, Bruce?
Batman: I’ll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.
Dick, Kaldur’ahm, and Conner: *stare in horror*
Wally: *taking debris out from between his teeth with a toothpick* Yeah, I eat the whole apple. The core, stem, seeds, everything.
Imagine: Dick listening as Bruce gives instructions, then noticing Jason and Damian sneaking into the Batmobile.
Good older brothers don’t tattle.
At the Watchtower…
Batman and Superman: *watching footage of Nightwing fighting a horde of alien assassins in Blüdhaven*
Batman:
Batman: *walks away*
Superman: Where are you going? Dick needs our help.
Batman: He will be fine.
Superman: How do you know?
Batman: Because I trained him.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Batman, internally: Also, Clark, what makes you think that I’m not walking away to speak with Alfred in private and ask him to round up my other children to come help out their big brother, my eldest son?
When your youngest brother wants to show you his appreciation…
Dick: You’re giving us… stickers?
Damian: Not just any sticker. Those are stickers of a kitty saying, “Me-wow!”.
Tim: We’re not preschoolers.
Damian: Fine, I’ll take them all back.
Jason: I earned this! Back off!
After a mission
Alfred: Very well, who got injured?
Tim: I’m fine.
Steph: I’m fine.
Damian: Tt. As if those low lifes could injure me.
Dick: Just a sprained wrist, I’ll be fine by tomorrow.
Jason: *holding his shoulder which looks suspiciously red*
Duke: *leg is also looking suspiciously red*
Duke and Jason: Gunshot buddies! *High five*
Bonus:
Bruce: *limping away towards the stairs, a trail of blood smeared behind him* I’m FiNe!
When you teach your sons how to be financially responsible and ask them to present an account of their expenses…
Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian *hand over haphazardly stacked pieces of paper*
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: Most of these aren’t even receipts. This one says, “I bought a Robmobile, 2010″.
Red Robin: *crouching behind the giant coin in the Batcave*
Nightwing: *walks in*
Red Robin: *to his walkie-talkie* The Hug Machine is here. I repeat, the Hug Machine is here. Smiling on all cylinders.
The rest of the Batfamily: *temporarily stop brooding to find hiding places*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Dick tends to get in the way of angst and sadness.
Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*
Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*
Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine*
Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*
Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*
Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*
Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*
Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*
Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*
Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.
Alfred: *grins and walks away*
Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*
Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*
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