Stranded in a swamp…
Red Robin: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Red Hood: Gee, I don’t know, Tim. Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction.
Red Robin: The…?
Red Hood: Physically unchanged for 100 million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine – a half-ton of cold-blooded fury, with a bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we’re surrounded, those snake-eyes are watching from the shadows, waiting for the night –
Nightwing: ♪ Waiting for the night! ♪
Robin: Damn it, Grayson!
Nightwing: ♪ Ooh-hoo! ♪
Red Hood: Keep your voice down!
Nightwing: Why?! Crocodiles don’t have ears!
Red Hood: They absolutely have ears, dickhead!
Tag: hug monster
On an overloaded plane over the Atlantic Ocean…
Nightwing: Hello? Time’s a bit of a factor here!
Red Hood: Tim, for the love of bats, man, jump!
Red Robin: Just throw out the kryptonite!
Red Hood: What?! No! I’m not telling Bruce I lost the original hundred pounds of –
Nightwing and Red Robin: Kilos!
Red Hood: Whatever unit of measurement – of kryptonite! Plus, all this kryptonite! Do you have any idea how pissed he’d be?
Nightwing: Well, the alternative is a belly-landing in a swamp filled with alligators!
Red Hood: No. No, no, no. No. What if, um…
Red Robin: Jason! Alligators or Bruce!
Red Hood: What’s the difference?! They’re both cold-blooded prehistoric monsters!
Imagine: Family home videos at Wayne Manor, Dick Grayson edition.
Dick: When are you gonna take time to be a kid?
Damian: In my mid-20’s, like you.
Dick: I’d ask Bruce to ground you for that, but then I wouldn’t have anyone to play with.
Woman: You don’t remember me?
Dick: Honestly, if I had a nickel for every time I heard a girl say that…
On his first night at Wayne Manor…
Dear Diary,
Tomorrow will be different. It has to be.
I will smile and it will be believable. My smile will say, “I’m fine. Thank you. Yes. Much better”.
I will no longer be the boy who lost his parents. I will start fresh. Be someone new. It’s the only way I’ll make it through.
– Dick
When you visit your eldest brother’s Blüdhaven apartment and ask him (authoritatively) to pick up after himself…
Damian: Why are you being a baby, Grayson?
Dick: I’m not a baby! I’m a grown man and I made my bed! Now where’s my Coco Crunch?
When all the grown-up PDA is just starting to make you belch…
Koriand’r: I must go, I must go. But not without a kiss.
Dick: Well, maybe I won’t kiss you, and then you’ll have to stay.
Damian: *muttering* Kiss her! Kiss her!
Dick, Kaldur’ahm, and Conner: *stare in horror*
Wally: *taking debris out from between his teeth with a toothpick* Yeah, I eat the whole apple. The core, stem, seeds, everything.
How to check if Damian actually cares (or how Jason ended up strapped to the giant Joker card in the Batcave)…
Damian: Where is Drake?
Jason: I’m sorry… Timmy never woke up.
Damian: What?!?!
Jason: Never woke up because he never passed out. He’s right over there.
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