Superman: *awkwardly pats the roof* Well. That was a long, silent car ride. Now I know how Dick feels.
You know any of his children would have music blaring and talking whether he contributes or not
Nightwing: *bops his head and taps his fingers on the dashboard to the beat of NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me”*
Nightwing: *takes an earphone out of his ear* What was that?
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman: *clears his throat*
Nightwing: Oh, I thought I saw your mouth move.
Nightwing: *jams the earphone back in* A man can dream.
Nightwing: *checks the digital map and sighs* Five miles to gooo. Why do supervillain lairs have to be so far?
Batman:
Batman: Sync with bluetooth, code “A37”.
NSYNC: *starts blaring on the Batmobile speakers*
Nightwing: *takes off both earphones and grins at Bruce*
Batman: *grins*
Red Hood: *gets in and slams the Batmobile door excitedly* Thanks for picking me up, Big Bro *takes off his helmet and shakes his hair dry* Some kid from Crime Alley stole one of my tires, pretty impressive, actually – *rummaging through his jacket pockets for a USB drive* Plus there’s this cool new album that Roy wants us to check out, so turn that 90’s boyband crap off for just a sec – Hey, want me to transfer to the – the –
Red Hood: *finally notices Batman on the passenger seat and sullenly says* Yo.
Batman: *grunts*
Red Hood: *rolls his eyes*
Nightwing: *sees his brother’s reflection on the rearview mirror and grins* If I’d told you, would you have gotten in?
Red Hood: *muttering* Tss. Could’ve walked home. I have safehouses everywhere.
Nightwing: *cups an ear* What was that?
Red Hood: *crosses his arms* Nothing! Just shut up and drive.
Nightwing: *smirks*
Red Hood:
Batman:
Red Hood: Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be –
Batman:
Red Hood: *looks out the window* Never mind.
Batman:
Nightwing:
Red Hood: *tapping his foot awkwardly* Sooo… You let Golden Boy drive this thing. Neat.
Batman:
Nightwing: *trying to stifle a giggle*
Red Hood: Dick, you can just drop me off right here –
Batman: No.
Red Hood: *frowns*
Batman: *extends a palm towards Jason* The drive.
Red Hood:
Red Hood: *reluctantly drops it on Bruce’s palm*
Batman: *plugs it into the console*
Nightwing: *to the Comm Link, smiling from ear to ear* Alfred? Yeah. Extra plate on the dinner table, please.
Thirteen songs from “Harper’s Mix” later…
Nightwing: So lemme get this straight: You were just on my case for listening to 90′s music, and now you’re going gaga over –
Red Hood: *skips to the next track* Ssh, Goldie. This one?
Batman: *listens to the intro for 1.5 seconds*
Batman: “Unchained Melody”. 1955. Todd Duncan –
Red Hood: Wow.
Nightwing: Don’t you mean the Righteous Brothers?
Batman: – sang the vocals for the film “Unchained”.
Red Hood: You are officially old.
Batman: *grinning wistfully* My mother used to hum it to me.
Nightwing:
Red Hood:
Batman: *still grinning wistfully*
Red Hood: *clears his throat* That’s, um, swell. Hey, if you get this next one, I’ll concede and declare you King of –
Radio: *skipping tracks randomly*
Red Hood: What the –
Radio: *rewinds and fast-forwards by itself, then plays “Basket Case” by Green Day*
Red Hood: That wasn’t even on there!
Radio: *in a chipmunk voice* Jason Peter Todd, also known as the Red Hood, we summon you –
Red Hood: *points a gun at the console* AaaAArRggh –
Nightwing: *swerving the Batmobile slightly* Calm down, Little Wing!
Batman: Timothy, enough.
Radio: *erupts into belly laughter*
Radio: *wheezing* Y-you sh-should’ve seen your face, Jay. *sighs contentedly* What time are you guys getting here? I’m bored and hungry.
Red Hood: And dead meat. *crushes the tiny camera suctioned to the window*
Red Robin: *sinking deeper into the passenger seat of the Batmobile*
Red Robin: *sighs contentedly* Just me and the Batman. It’s been a while, huh? Remind me again why I haven’t been hitching a sweet, sweet ride with you these past few months?
Batman:
Red Robin: Could it be because of your endearing silence? Nah. It can’t be that. We both enjoy it.
Batman: *smirks*
Red Robin: Perhaps I simply don’t need to? I mean, the Redbird’s great and all, but this is the freakin’ Batmobile.
Batman: *fondly shakes his head ever-so-subtly that if you blinked you’d have missed it*
Red Robin: *presses a button on the dashboard, opening a compartment full of CDs* How about your nostalgia for… outdated tech?
Batman: *gives him a pointed look*
Red Robin: *holds his hands up as if in surrender* Hey, no judgement.
Batman: *swiftly swerves the Batmobile into a dark alley*
Red Robin: What *going through the CDs* do we have *takes a couple out* here?
Batman:
Red Robin: “Cassandra’s Ballet Recital”. Neat. Did you get to see it?
Batman: *nods fondly*
Red Robin: Me, too. I was in the middle of chasing a killer android, though, so I had to watch it from the rooftop of the opera house.
Red Robin: *rummaging* Hmm. “Dick’s Mix” – way to be creative, Richard – “Classical Concertos for Teens” – which I assume belongs to the brat – “Suicide Squad” film soundtrack – Jason’s current obsession –
Red Robin: Is this Duke’s? *holds up a yellow-colored CD* I’m taking this *stuffs it into his backpack* I dig his jam – “Oracle” – Wait, wait, wait… Don’t tell me –
Batman: She doesn’t know –
Red Robin: *already stuffing it into his backpack* Mine! Just in case, y’know, I need to blackmail either of you. Her voice is pretty awesome, though. Watchtower acoustics really did her a favor.
Batman: *nods in agreement*
Red Robin: *back to rummaging* What else, what else… “Cats”? Really, Bruce? Is Selina even into broadway?
Batman: *shrugs*
Red Robin: “Clark’s Country Playlist”. Superman carpools to warzones with you?
Batman: I play it here, he listens from above. Says it helps him focus.
Red Robin: *rubbing his chin* Maybe I could try that with Kon…
Red Robin: “Purple Haze” – witty, Steph, but I don’t think you even knows who Jimi Hendrix is – “Oldies but Goodies” – which is, coincidentally, Alfie’s name on my phone, ha ha – *reaches the bottom of the compartment*
Red Robin: I guess… that’s got it.
Batman: Tim…
Red Robin: *staring blankly ahead* I remember now –
Batman: Tim, I –
Red Robin: We were on the way to the Iceberg Lounge to bust Penguin and his crew, and I was getting so pumped that I jammed my CD into the player, but you took it out 10 seconds into “London Calling”, crushed my CD with one freakin’ hand, and threw it out –
Batman: *swerves the Batmobile to a stop* Red Robin –
Red Robin: – then we got into some argument over how stupid my music was, so I got out and – and –
Batman: TIM.
Red Robin: What?!
Batman: We’re here.
Red Robin: *sighs wearily and grabs his bo staff from the backseat* Yeah, okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go kick some criminal butt.
Batman: You won’t need that.
Red Robin: *frowning in confusion* What? *looks out the window* And why are we at the Wayne Memorial Theater?
Batman: I asked Lucius to help me put a little something together.
Red Robin: I don’t –
Batman: It’s not that I didn’t like your music, Tim. Just… bad mood, bad timing.
Red Robin: … The anniversary of your parents’ death.
Batman: *nods solemnly*
Red Robin: Bruce, I…
Batman: I hope you still like “London Calling”.
Red Robin: Yeah, but –
Batman: Because we’re about to watch a 4D screening of The Clash in concert.
Red Robin: We’re not… patrolling?
Batman: How else was I supposed to get you to hitch a sweet, sweet ride with me?
Red Robin: *haphazardly wiping tears from his eyes* Wow. Great timing, allergies.
Batman: *ruffles Tim’s hair* Let’s go, son.
Robin: *puts his backpack on the backseat of the Batmobile, does a last minute check of its contents, and sits on the passenger seat*
Robin: You and Kent’s dad don’t need to linger, Father. Just drop us off at our HQ and be on your way.
Batman:
Robin: *checking the contents of his utility belt compartments one by one* Oh, wait! Pennyworth forgot the – Oh, no, he didn’t – Shurikens, grappling hooks, brass knuckles – Ugh! These dumb chocolate-covered “gummy bears” that Superboy insists I carry with me – *doesn’t notice a USB drive fall from one of them*
Batman: *picks up the said USB drive* Hn.
Robin: *still talking more to himself than to Bruce* – and I’m fairly certain that I’ve sufficiently sharpened my knives, unless Todd’s device was subpar –
USB drive: *with the phrase “bearable noise” scribbled on its surface*
Robin: – make sure to feed Goliath before releasing him. He knows which island we’ll be on and will follow as previously instructed –
Batman: *plugs it into the console*
Speakers: *start playing… a lullabye*
Robin: – and tell Drake to stay out of –
Robin:
Robin: *angrily disconnects the drive and slumps down on his seat* You weren’t supposed to hear that.
Batman: Damian, I –
Robin: *looks out the window* No one is supposed to hear that.
Robin: *muttering* Stupid, stupid *while banging his head against the headrest*
Batman:
Batman: *reaches out to block Damian’s head* I’m sorry, son.
Robin: *slaps his hand away*Just drive.
Batman:
Robin:
Batman:
Robin:
Robin: *quietly*When I slept over at the farm,Mrs. Kent sang it to Jon while she was putting him to bed.
Batman: *glances at him*
Robin: It was annoying.
Robin: Childish.
Robin: *lip quivering* Weak.
Robin: *covers his face with his arms and bends over his knees, his body trembling*
Batman: *places a hand on his back* You’re not any of that, son.
Batman: But once in a while, it’s okay to be all of it.
Robin: *looks up at his father and wipes his eyes with his cape, sniffling*
Batman: *reaches for the USB drive where it fell near the console and plugs it back in*
Speakers: *play the lullabye again*
Batman: Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve listened to something this relaxing.
Robin: *takes one last look at his father before looking out the window, glassy-eyed and grinning*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
@tmntchickadee , thanks for the idea. As you can see, I, um, ran with it. I was going for funny, but I think it ended up more “therapeutic”. I love music. It’s intimate. It can help heal. And I wanted each of my favorite Batkids to have a moment that’s uniquely theirs with their father. (Bruce could use them, too.)
Sincerely,
a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes
Alfred: *dabbing sweat off his forehead as he emerges from under the Batmobile*
Alfred: *swipes a finger on the glistening hood, then grins with satisfaction at the absence of dust on it*
Alfred: *raises an eyebrow as he spots a flickering, red light on the backseat within the vehicle*
Alfred: *gets inside to check it out and finds that it’s being emitted by a tiny bulb wrapped in a note, which he spreads open as his eyebrow goes impossibly higher*
Note: *in cursive* “Enjoy the ride”
Seat: *jerks, pushing him from behind the knees, causing him to sit down, then reclines itself*
Batmobile: *reconfigures itself into a stretch limousine*
Dick: *entering with a tray of cookies* 🎵You came along just like a song and brighten my day –
Alfred: Master Dick, what on earth – ?
Barbara: *handing him a cup of tea* 🎵Who would have believed that you where part of a dream –
Kate: *tips an imaginary hat off to Alfred* 🎵-– Now it all seems light years away –
Jason: *tapping the dashboard rhythmically* 🎵And now you know I can’t smile without you –
Damian: *revving up the engine* 🎵I can’t smile –
Jon: *squeezes in with Damian at the driver’s side, to the latter’s utter annoyance* 🎵-– without you!
Steph: 🎵I can’t laugh *cackles* and I can’t siiiiinnnngggggg –
Ace and Titus: 🎵*howl in unison*
Tim: *zombie-walking after Steph*🎵I’m finding it hard… ZzZz –
Jason: *slaps him awake*
Tim: – to do anything!
Duke: *wide-eyed in amazement as he piles into the limo with the others*🎵You see I feel sad –
Duke: Hold up, I’m sorry, how are we all fitting into this thing right – Oof!
Luke: *elbowing him* 🎵-– when you’re sad –
Harper: *finger-gunning at Alfred* 🎵I feel glad –
Cass: *gives Alfred a soft hug* 🎵-– when you’re glad –
Selina: 🎵If you only knew what he’s *points at Bruce and rolls her eyes* going through –
Bruce: *clears his throat*
Bruce: *in a gruff and monotone voice* Alfred, we just can’t smile without you.
Clark: *lifts the corners of Bruce’s mouth into a grin with his fingers*
Alfred: *wiping joyful tears off his eyes* A vacation! I’ll be gone a week, my ridiculous children. You’ll all survive, as always.
Alfred: And might I remind you that this was your idea?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
For some reason, I was thinking of Bruce singing to Alfred and Barry Manilow’s hit came to mind. Thank you, @tea-coffee-cats-law !
My dream Batman canon issue: ALL the four Batboys (Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian) and Cass coming out of their respective bedrooms at the Manor in their sleep civvies, woken by the scent of Alfred’s cooking; each getting to the kitchen in his/her own Extra way, playfully but competitively shoving each other out of the way; Tim breaking off from the chaos to open the door, high-fiving/fist-bumping Duke and Luke as they file in; Babs arriving two minutes later, on the phone with Steph, telling the latter to come ASAP (breakfast is almost served); Kate coming in much later, amused by the loud morning chatter, nodding at Bruce, who’s seated at a kitchen stool, patting Titus on the head while Alfred the cat purrs on his lap.
I dunno. Something incredibly MUNDANE like this when Tim comes back. We already had Batburger, and that was lovely. Just… It would be great if they were ALL there.
Selina coming in through a second story window; Basil catching up with Cass and Harper, telling them how Jean-Paul’s meditating on a mountain somewhere so he can’t make it, while Alfred mops up his clay trail. Maybe Clark and Lois (literally) flying in to drop Jon off for a sleepover with Damian.
Too much to ask?
Just came across some thoughts I had a while back.
Harper: We work in a family full of dudes. We got to have each other’s backs, okay?
Cass: You’re saying you have my back?
Harper: Yeah, I got your back. Don’t smile. I’m still mad at you.
Cass: I thought we were having a moment.
Harper: Moment’s over. Shut up.
On the way to Tim’s new safe house…
Steph: I can’t wait to see the inside of Tim’s safe house! I’m gonna learn everything there is to know about him.
Harper: I bet it’s really fancy. Like “Wayne Manor” fancy.
Jason: No. It’s probably just an empty white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he’s on sleep mode.
I don’t know about you guys, but Batfamily-wise, the New 52’s “Batman and Robin Eternal” is just a gift that keeps on giving.
Be forewarned: this is going to be long and panel-heavy. I want to highlight precious, character-revealing moments from the series, and there are a lot. Thus, panels won’t be arranged chronologically, but thematically.
Most of it will be focused on Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, and Damian Wayne, though. But, story-wise, Cassandra Cain (then Orphan) and Harper Row (Bluebird) play central roles. Barbara Gordon (as Batgirl), Stephanie Brown (as Spoiler), Duke Thomas (then a “Robin”), Jim Gordon (then “Batman” in a mech suit), and Azrael, as well as others Batfrenemies, make appearances, too. So, yeah. Definitely a Batfamily affair.
I love this series. By writing this, I’m going through it for the second time.
Just like in the “Robin War” story arc, we see that Bruce manages to unite his family even in his absence. (Sure, they sometimes do so out of begrudging respect, but they really do love him!)
A little backstory (and SPOILERS):
Throughout the series, the present is juxtaposed with the past.
“No more secrets. No more lies.”
The story revolves around a villain that Bruce Wayne first encountered in his early years as Batman, way back when his Robin was still an enthusiastic, fresh-faced Dick. Simply referred to as “Mother”, her goal is to produce “perfect” children. Believing that overcoming intense personal trauma is the key to pushing a child towards his or her full potential, she targets children, murders their parents, then takes them under her wing. With the help of brainwashing (and Scarecrow’s fear toxin), she molds them into human weapons intent on pleasing her. Rich and powerful clients in search of ideal children avail of her, um, services.
To investigate deeper, Bruce posed as a potential client and pretended to be dissatisfied with his ward.
While Robin continued to fight alongside Batman on a daily basis, Bruce purposefully left Dick in the dark about Mother.
Later on, we find out why: dealing with Mother revealed some truths that Bruce was ashamed to face. Perhaps he was no different from Mother? That he’d been using the death of Dick’s parents to mold him into Robin? Did he really want to replace Dick?
Take a gander at a very handsome younger Bruce Wayne undercover as… himself.
But before Batman could shut down Mother’s twisted operation, he “died” and came back amnseic – but not without leaving a trail leading to Mother behind (in true Batman fashion).
At present day, when parents turn up dead and children become orphaned, a mysterious vigilante (okay, it’s Cass!) leaves Dick a digital device containing Bruce’s confession to him and the file on the Mother case.
“I’m not the man you think I am. I failed you. I failed all of you.”
And so, he enlists the help of his brothers to investigate and hunt down this “Mother”.
MORE, MORE, MORE UNDER THE CUT:
So, let’s start with the eldest, the original, the legendary Dick Grayson, our beacon for all things Robin.
In spite of all the masks Dick has worn over the years – Nightwing, Batman, Agent 37 – he never forgets his superhero roots. He’s still Robin at his core.
So much so that even while wearing his Spyral uniform, he prioritizes Batman’s mission….
… and calls on the best. Back-up. Ever. (Who we’ll be discussing later on.)
He takes charge of the mission at the get-go, and his brothers know better than to argue with that. They respect his seniority and trust in his leadership (and for good reason).
Nearing the climax of the story, he delegates tasks to the rest of the Batfamily, then takes on the most dangerous one on his own. Not out of bravado, mind you. It’s just the selflessness that comes in the Dick Grayson package. This is also personal to him, after all. An unfinished mission from both his and Bruce’s past that’s come back to haunt all of them.
A gazillion miles away, all alone, and he still manages to mother-hen everyone else.
And in the final showdown, when Mother tries to turn him against Batman – tries to convince him that Batman failed the Robins – he doesn’t sway. In spite of the secrets that Bruce kept from him, he still trusts in his former mentor’s intentions.
(Of all of Bruce’s children, I do think Dick understands him the best. Over 75 years of partnership? Come on.)
As for Dick calling for back-up…
There’s our “reformed” Jason, who’s clearly enjoying being part of the Batfamily again…
… even to the point of abiding by Batman’s “rules”. It’s been so painful watching him fight his way in, then out of, and then in the family again, that it’s such a breath of fresh air seeing him… back home.
He provides a lot of the levity in the series by way of self-deprecation and playful banter with both heroes and villains.
He’s our resident street-smart former “street rat”. (A lot more sophisticated now, though.)
He’s matured quite a bit, too. Biting his tongue, holding back his punches. Using his own past failures to encourage others (like a brainwashed Harper trying to kill Cass).
I can’t help but think that, for better or worse, Jason being portrayed as the venomous – villainous, even – antihero in the past makes all of his moments in this series (heck, even in DC’s “Rebirth”) much sweeter.
(I mean, if all his monstrous transgressions are still canon in this timeline, then he truly does have a lot to make up for. Maximum security jail time in the real world, really.)
Then, there’s Tim. When did our self-conscious, sleep-deprived Timmy get this confident? This… manly?
With Batman out of commission, he’s currently the “World’s Greatest Detective”, expediting missions through brilliant strategies and A+ geekiness.
He’s still a teenager, though (and apparently has to remind Jason of it).
He’s still cool, still calculating. But, somehow, more sure of himself, I guess?
Let’s take a few moments to appreciate the partnership between Jason and Tim in this series…
… and we’ll see how much good comes out of two brothers outgrowing their resentment towards each other.
They go on assignment to Egypt in search of answers from the Order of St. Dumas. While Tim poses as an acolyte, Jason is subdued by its members and infected with a bioprogramming virus they created called “Ichthys”.
Whammied, Jason dreams of his final moments with the Joker. But, this time, instead of being defenseless, he turns into a Red Hood-like version of Robin and mercilessly beats the villain up.
However, as Jason overcomes his most traumatic experience, he also loses himself to the virus (as Mother intended). Tim quickly realizes this and forms an alliance with a disgruntled Azrael (who just found out he’s been betrayed by his own order) and…
“And your not just the man under the red hood. You’re a Robin.”
Oh, and this one right here!
Speaking of banter in the middle of a life-and-death situation… we weren’t gonna leave Dick out of it, were we?
The ladies have them, too!
Last, and certainly the tiniest but not the least, our egotistical li’l darling Damian.
Although his superiority complex is perfectly intact, he’s become more cooperative, more willing to concede to his brothers (just not, you know, out loud), for the sake of the mission.
In some ways, he just might be the most grown-up of them all. (Perhaps it has something to do with his recent accomplishment of the “Year of Blood”?) When his brothers start giving in to helplessness, he calls them out and reminds them of the legacy that he’s inherited.
Now, I think it’s important to discuss these parallels because they sort of address a polarizing issue.
“We chose to be a family.”
Jason sees the Robins as Batman’s army-turned-family…
… but Dick sees it very differently…
… and so does Bruce.
Oh, wait, do you remember this scene from an episode of “Young Justice”?
Wonder Woman: “You indoctrinated Robin into crime fighting at the ripe old age of nine.”
Batman: “Robin needed help to bring the men who murdered his family to justice.”
Wonder Woman: “So he could turn out like you?”
Batman:
(P.S. Please remember that this is fantasy, people. Not the recommended real-world parenting method.)
At this point in the comics, the Batboys have already overcome a lot of their personal issues with one another – and with Bruce. They’ve all gone through enormous character development in their respective titles. (Writers seem to be making up for a lot of emotional damage to the fans over the years.) So when we experience them together like this, we find that they’re more mature (which may come off as “gritty”), more accountable for other people, more efficient as a unit. And, dare I say, more grateful for Bruce’s role in their lives.
“We’re Robins. And our work isn’t close to being finished.”
Big brother Dick puts things into perspective one last time…
“Sounds like a job for Batman and Robin.”
Of course Bruce is back before the series concludes. And this last part? I can’t ask for better reunion panels.
Intense. Emotional. Action-packed. 11/10 would recommend.
From: Batman & Robin Eternal #20 (2016)
Jason basically calls himself out.
P.S. Harper’s under mind control here, and Jason’s trying to snap her out of it (and keep her from killing Cass).
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 