Red Hood: *taps his foot impatiently while he checks his watch for the nth time* Come on, come on, come on. Make the drop, you guys.
Red Hood: *sighs in frustration as he disassembles and reassembles his pistol in 15 seconds flat for the nth time* Let’s get it over with.
Red Hood: *peeks from behind a stack of crates for the nth time* I don’t have all day. I promised Alfred I’d make it to dinner on time –
Red Hood: *stares at his ringing phone with narrowed eyes*
Red Hood: *picks it up* Roman.
Black Mask [on the phone]: *chuckling* Jason, my dear boy! How’ve you been? You look healthy. Very much alive, even.
Red Hood: *spots the tiny, hidden camera attached to a steel beam above him (How in the world did he miss that?) andcocks both his guns* Where are your men, ugly face?
Black Mask: Don’t you speak to me that way, you little rat! Before I make you a very D-E-A-… Hm. Forget I said that.
Red Hood: What?
Black Mask: The point is you’ve wasted your time waiting for nothing. So get lost!
Red Hood: Don’t lie to me! I’ve been tracking your every move for weeks and this warehouse reeks of your poisonous, criminal stench –
Black Mask: *lets out a drawn-out sigh* Listen, just go home, kid. The carnage you were looking forward to today? Newsflash: It ain’t happening!
Red Hood: You don’t tell me what to do, you sick son of a –
Black Mask: I tell you what: You go home tonight – and I mean home – I’ll forward you the coordinates of every illegal shipment to and from Janus Cosmetics within a hundred mile radius. You can blow it all up for all I care. Deal?
Red Hood: And if you don’t? If you lie to me?
Black Mask: *growling* You’ll find them anyway, you always do!
Red Hood: Why?
Black Mask: Hm?
Red Hood:Why?
Black Mask: *plays a vinyl record in the background, sounding more relaxed* Because there are better days to dance our tango, Jason… Da-rum, da-rum, da-rum da-ra…
Red Hood: …
Red Hood: Did Batman put you up to this?
Black Mask: *crumpling a piece of paper near the phone speaker* You’re breaking up! *click*
>>> *** <<<
[Safe house, undisclosed location, 1815 H]
Red Hood: *fumbling as he enters the wrong passcode to the steel door for the third time in a row* Crap! Crap! Crap! I’m gonna be late!
Lock: Password incorrect. Initializing Code Red Protocol in three, two, o–
Red Hood: Override the stupid passcode! Activate voice recognition!
Lock: Activating voice recognition –
Red Hood: The Handsome Robin! The Handsome Robin!
Lock: Welcome, Jason Todd. Opening door n–
Red Hood: Hello, Safe House! *squeezes himself in the still-narrow space, then trips over his weapons, armor, and garments as he hurriedly strips himself of them en route to the bathroom*
Red Hood: *abruptly stops in his tracks* What the fuuhhh…
Red Hood: *watches as bubbly, green fluid oozes out of his bathtub*
Red Hood: *picks up the rolled piece of parchment beside his Batshampoo, unties the ribbon around it, and spreads it open*
Note: “In case you needed more. [signed] The Demon’s Head”
>>> *** <<<
[Crime Alley, 1903 H]
Red Hood: *groans as he realizes that his motorcycle just ran out of fuel*Seriously?
Harley Quinn: *rollerblading into view* Hey, Baby J! Need a lift? *holds up an extra pair of roller blades*
Red Hood: Yeahhhh no.
Harley Quinn: Come on! It’ll be fun! And I promise I won’t bite cha. *winks*
Red Hood: Oh, what the heck. *grabs the roller blades* So you really just carry around an extra pair of blades, huh? *proceeds to put his on*
Harley Quinn: Nope! But I’ve had this with me for a while now. *takes out a tiny package from the pocket of her shorts and hands it to Jason*
Red Hood: *examines it* Hm.
Harley Quinn: It ain’t poisoned or nothin’! Pinky swear! *holds out her pinky*
Red Hood: *frowning* What is it?
Harley Quinn: *claps her hands excitedly* Open it! Open it!
Red Hood: *gingerly unfolds the bubble gum wrapper and holds up its minuscule content* … A tiny crowbar?
Harley Quinn: Yes! You can open envelopes with it! Stir coffee with it! Hit tiny Mistah J’s on the noggin’ with it –
Red Hood: *chuckles and puts the gift in his jacket pocket* Okay, okay, I get it. Thanks, I guess.
Harley Quinn: *holds her hand out to Jason* Come on! You’re gonna be late! Alfie ain’t gonna be happy!
Red Hood: *taps his foot impatiently while he checks his watch for the nth time* Come on, come on, come on. Make the drop, you guys.
Red Hood: *sighs in frustration as he disassembles and reassembles his pistol in 15 seconds flat for the nth time* Let’s get it over with.
Red Hood: *peeks from behind a stack of crates for the nth time* I don’t have all day. I promised Alfred I’d make it to dinner on time –
Red Hood: *stares at his ringing phone with narrowed eyes*
Red Hood: *picks it up* Roman.
Black Mask [on the phone]: *chuckling* Jason, my dear boy! How’ve you been? You look healthy. Very much alive, even.
Red Hood: *spots the tiny, hidden camera attached to a steel beam above him (How in the world did he miss that?) andcocks both his guns* Where are your men, ugly face?
Black Mask: Don’t you speak to me that way, you little rat! Before I make you a very D-E-A-… Hm. Forget I said that.
Red Hood: What?
Black Mask: The point is you’ve wasted your time waiting for nothing. So get lost!
Red Hood: Don’t lie to me! I’ve been tracking your every move for weeks and this warehouse reeks of your poisonous, criminal stench –
Black Mask: *lets out a drawn-out sigh* Listen, just go home, kid. The carnage you were looking forward to today? Newsflash: It ain’t happening!
Red Hood: You don’t tell me what to do, you sick son of a –
Black Mask: I tell you what: You go home tonight – and I mean home – I’ll forward you the coordinates of every illegal shipment to and from Janus Cosmetics within a hundred mile radius. You can blow it all up for all I care. Deal?
Red Hood: And if you don’t? If you lie to me?
Black Mask: *growling* You’ll find them anyway, you always do!
Red Hood: Why?
Black Mask: Hm?
Red Hood:Why?
Black Mask: *plays a vinyl record in the background, sounding more relaxed* Because there are better days to dance our tango, Jason… Da-rum, da-rum, da-rum da-ra…
Red Hood: …
Red Hood: Did Batman put you up to this?
Black Mask: *crumpling a piece of paper near the phone speaker* You’re breaking up! *click*
>>> *** <<<
[Safe house, undisclosed location, 1815 H]
Red Hood: *fumbling as he enters the wrong passcode to the steel door for the third time in a row* Crap! Crap! Crap! I’m gonna be late!
Lock: Password incorrect. Initializing Code Red Protocol in three, two, o–
Red Hood: Override the stupid passcode! Activate voice recognition!
Lock: Activating voice recognition –
Red Hood: The Handsome Robin! The Handsome Robin!
Lock: Welcome, Jason Todd. Opening door n–
Red Hood: Hello, Safe House! *squeezes himself in the still-narrow space, then trips over his weapons, armor, and garments as he hurriedly strips himself of them en route to the bathroom*
Red Hood: *abruptly stops in his tracks* What the fuuhhh…
Red Hood: *watches as bubbly, green fluid oozes out of his bathtub*
Red Hood: *picks up the rolled piece of parchment beside his Batshampoo, unties the ribbon around it, and spreads it open*
Note: “In case you needed more. [signed] The Demon’s Head”
>>> *** <<<
[Crime Alley, 1903 H]
Red Hood: *groans as he realizes that his motorcycle just ran out of fuel*Seriously?
Harley Quinn: *rollerblading into view* Hey, Baby J! Need a lift? *holds up an extra pair of roller blades*
Red Hood: Yeahhhh no.
Harley Quinn: Come on! It’ll be fun! And I promise I won’t bite cha. *winks*
Red Hood: Oh, what the heck. *grabs the roller blades* So you really just carry around an extra pair of blades, huh? *proceeds to put his on*
Harley Quinn: Nope! But I’ve had this with me for a while now. *takes out a tiny package from the pocket of her shorts and hands it to Jason*
Red Hood: *examines it* Hm.
Harley Quinn: It ain’t poisoned or nothin’! Pinky swear! *holds out her pinky*
Red Hood: *frowning* What is it?
Harley Quinn: *claps her hands excitedly* Open it! Open it!
Red Hood: *gingerly unfolds the bubble gum wrapper and holds up its minuscule content* … A tiny crowbar?
Harley Quinn: Yes! You can open envelopes with it! Stir coffee with it! Hit tiny Mistah J’s on the noggin’ with it –
Red Hood: *chuckles and puts the gift in his jacket pocket* Okay, okay, I get it. Thanks, I guess.
Harley Quinn: *holds her hand out to Jason* Come on! You’re gonna be late! Alfie ain’t gonna be happy!
Me [to @thepoolofthedead]: You know, that’s a, um, really convincing outfit. You sure this is a good idea? I mean we are in Gotham and –
thepoolofthedead: *shrugs*
Me: Let’s just, er, keep a low profile, maybe?
Roller skates: *slowing down to a stop in front of us*
Harley Quinn: *squeals from behind her sparkly face mask and holds out grabby hands* If it isn’t my precious Baby J! Okay, NOT to be mistaken for Mistah J, who freakin’ dumped me again! I mean, he just beat me to it! It was my turn – myyyyy turn – to dump his pale butt! *scoffs* Well, you know what, I don’t need him no more, no sireeeee! *pouts* But it got lonely in my apartment real fast… So, what’s a gal to do, right? Figured I’d roll around the streets for a while, find a pal or two… All my buddies refuse to get outta their “lairs” or whatever. Boo hoo! And I was, like, but aren’t we all doctors or somethin’? *lights up* In summary, how great is this? Who’s ya friend? Wanna hang out?
Batmobile: *screeches to a halt in front of us*
Batman [to us]: *rolls window on driver’s side down*Get in. Now.
Nightwing: *on the passenger side* Come on, guys, we’re on a tight schedule. Hey, Harley!
Harley Quinn: *cheerfully* Hey there, handsome!
Robin: *in the backseat, opens the door* Now. We still have to pass by for Drake. It’s gonna take a while to wake him up.
Batman: *narrows his eyes and clears his throat* Harleen.
Harley Quinn: Wha– *throws her hands up in exasperation, pouts, and moves a few inches away from thepoolofthedead* Ya happy now, Bats? Or do ya need to get a measuring stick to make sure I’m six feet away from ya kid?
Batman: Hrn. I told you, until that vaccine comes out of Wayne Enterprises R&D, I don’t want you near my children. Who knows what you’ve been touching.
Harley Quinn: *grins suggestively* Well, you do.
Batman: *grunts* Go home. And stay there. *proceeds to roll window up*
Harley Quinn: In case you haven’t noticed, Bats, I’m immune to most types of – *voice gets drowned out*
Batman: *tosses a Wayne Tech-grade disinfectant at us and activates the Batmobile’s air sterilization system*
Nightwing: *dialing Tim’s number* Alfred is gonna be pissssed. I already got, like, four missed calls. We’re gonna get schooled. Over Dinner. Again.
Robin: *narrows eyes at thepoolofthedead* New perfume, Todd?
Me [to thepoolofthedead]: *whispering*So, uh, should you tell ‘em or should I?
~ ~ ~ 1 hour later ~ ~ ~
Red Hood: *revving up his motorcycle and on the Comm Link* On the way, Alf! Just had to pick up some surgical masks from this supplier I know and drop it off at the Gotham Children’s Hospi– What do you mean I just ate?
When you have occasional alliances with rogues with doctorates…
Harley Quinn: First of all, Bats, let me assure ya that Jason’s antics are perfectly normal for a sixteen-year-old (who, ya know, came back from the dead).
Two-Face: Yeah, be prepared! We’ll be prepared… for what?
Joker: For the death of the Bat prince!
Scarecrow:
Why? Is he sick?
Joker:
No, fool! We’re going to kill him. And Robin, too.
Killer Croc:
Hey, great idea! Who needs the Bat?
Harley Quinn: *sings and dances*
No prince, no prince, la la la la la la –
Joker:
Idiots! There will be a prince!
Riddler:
Hey, but you said that –
Joker:I will be prince. Stick with me and you’ll never be fearful again!
The Gotham King
Discussing your friend’s love life be like…
Harley [to Ivy]: Selina’s attracted to men in pain. It helps her pretend to be mentally healthy.
“Injustice 2″ (or “My, How Things Have Changed”)…
Batman and Harley Quinn: *watch as the Joker walks towards them and beckons to Harley*
Batman: Hn. Why should I trust you?
Harley Quinn: *swings her bat* Because, today, we are on the same side.
When one of your rogues weighs in on your situation after witnessing your sons bickering en route to the GCPD…
Batman [to Harley Quinn]: Your medical help is appreciated, but your family counseling is not.
Rescuing rogues be like…
Nightwing: How’re you doing, Dr. Quinzel?
Harley Quinn: Shhhh! My body is speaking.
Nightwing: What’s it saying?
Harly Quinn: It’s saying, “Somebody shot me”.
When you have occasional alliances with rogues with doctorates…
Harley Quinn: First of all, Bats, let me assure ya that Jason’s antics are perfectly normal for a sixteen-year-old (who, ya know, came back from the dead).
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 