When your best friend can read through an entire textbook in two seconds flat…
Hal: *drops a bunch of books on Barry’s desk* I need you to upload these to your brain.
Barry: *examining a specimen under a microscope* One, I’m busy. And, two, I’m not a computer.
Hal: Actually, you kind of are. I need you to learn all of this stuff so you can teach me.
Barry: Why?
Hal: So I can impress a lady.
Barry: Such predictable motives. This is extortion.
Tag: hal jordan
Hal: So, what do you think I should do, Bats?
Bruce: Find the person you would least likely ask for advice and go to him or her.
Hal: I thought that was what I was doing.
Trying to get Batman to gossip be like…
Green Lantern: Come on, Bats, you’re a computer! Scan your mainframe for some juicy memories.
Green Lantern [about Batman]: Can you believe that guy?!
The Flash: Yeah, he’s like a really handsome Darth Vader.
Batman: Jordan’s the worst person I’ve ever met.
Batman: I want to travel the Multiverse with him.
When you eavesdrop on a conversation between your super dad and one of his super friends (and instantly regret it)…
Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian: *hiding behind the dinosaur in the Batcave*
Bruce [on the phone with Clark]: *in a gruff voice* Hal thinks he can “Mean Girls” me?! Hn! How lame is that? Let me tell you something, I might be a pretty face, but I fight to win. Just like “Legally Blonde”!
Dick: *covers his mouth as he starts to giggle, then looks at Jason*
Jason: *sticks his tongue out in disgust, then looks as Tim*
Tim: *slowly shakes his head and mouths “Wrong, just wrong”*
Damian: *crosses his arms and lets out a small -Tt-*
Superman: *depowered in a Kryptonite-lined cage*
Wonder Woman: *tied up by her own lasso*
The Flash: *weakened by a low blood sugar level*
Green Lantern: *closing and opening a ring-less hand*
Batman: *walks into the room*
Robin: *comes out from under his cape*
Green Lantern: You got a kid with you? Greaaaat. And you’re the ones saving us?
Simon: *in civilian clothes, whistling while making tacos in the kitchen*
Batman: *perched on the window sill* Hello, Baz.
Simon: Jess and Hal are in the living room. One girlish scream from me and they go into Lantern mode.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Which is why you take your ring with you at all times. You never know when a creepy colleague will show up at your apartment unannounced.
At the Watchtower…
Justice League: *watching surveillance, Youtube and news footage on the mainframe computer*
Batman: *walks into the room and sees Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin and Lark (and a bunch of burning buildings and screaming citizens) on the screen*
Superman: *arms crossed*
Wonder Woman: *hands on hips, shaking her head*
Aquaman: *raises an eyebrow*
The Flash: *wide-eyed*
Green Lantern: *biting his lip to suppress a smirk*
Cyborg: Wo-ho-hoooooo.
Batman: Hn.
Batman: Whatever they did, add it to my tab.
Batman: *walks out*
And if you were convinced that Batman went back to work at the Watchtower after walking calmly and collectedly out of that room, then you probably didn’t even consider that he’d run to the teleporters at top speed to get back to Earth and do damage control (a.k.a. give his kids a piece of his mind).
Gossiping about Batman…
Hal [to Barry]: One butler? Very frugal for a bazillionare.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 