Robin: *yelling from two rooftops away* I know where you live!
Red Robin: *yelling back* And I live where you live!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
This is not how you threaten each other, boys, but carry on…
Tag: grumpy old kid
When your eldest brother drops by after work…
BPD Officer Grayson: Hey, mister, can I read you your rights? You have the right to remain hugged.
Damian: *trying to wriggle free* -Tt-
Interventions at the Manor…
Alfred: *wearing a mask and carrying a vacuum cleaner*
Dick: *putting on gloves*
Jason: *filling a black garbage bag with piles of… What are these, Timbo?*
Damian: *pinching his nose and looking around in pure disgust*
Tim: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can’t get rid of it.
Dick: It’s not and you have to.
Jason: Everything you own is trash.
Damian: You’re basically a hoarder, Drake.
Tim: *chugs a mug of coffee and stains his three-day-old shirt further*
Tim: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.
At a Batfamily meeting…
Red Robin: *nudging and whispering* How’d you do that?
Red Hood: *whispering back* Do what?
Red Robin: *sounding impressed* You were, like, ten feet away from the brat.
Red Hood: *sounding innocent* What are you talking about?
Red Robin: *smirking* I know what I saw.
Red Hood: *grinning* What did you see?
Red Robin: *shrugging* I don’t know. Nothing.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
A little while later…
Damian: ….
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: TOOOOODDDDDDDD!
Dick: You smited somebody?
Damian: Smote. The past tense of smite is smote.
Dick: …
Tim: *two black eyes and a broken arm*
Damian: *three missing teeth*
Dick: *sighs and gestures to two chairs in front of him*
Dick: Why don’t you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I’ll explain to you why you’re both wrong.
Tim: *in shock* And when I dropped Damian off at the Academy, he even gave me a hug.
Jason: Did he think you were choking, or… ?
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim: *covering a bruised eye*
Dick: *hugging him consolingly*
Jason: *heading to the refrigerator to grab an ice pack while trying to suppress his laughter*
Bruce and Alfred: *glaring disappointedly*
Damian: *guarding a platter of tofu* It’s not my fault I’m bad at sharing! I skipped kindergarten!
When Tim met Damian (an alternative version)…
Damian: *spots Tim sleeping by the Batcomputer* -Tt-
Damian: *nudges him* Wake up.
Tim: *wide-eyed and looking around the Batcave in a panic*
Tim: *wiping slobber off his face* Who in the world are you?
Damian: I’m your new brother.
Tim: Are you from the orphanage or do I really not undersand how babies are born?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
But you do understand how Robins work, right?
Teaching your older brother an ancient form of meditation sacred to a line of assassins be like…
Damian: I want you to shut off the logical part of your mind.
Jason: Okay.
Damian: Embrace nothingness.
Jason: You got it.
Damian: Become like an uncarved stone.
Jason: Done.
Damian: Todd! You’re just pretending to know what I’m talking about!
Jason: True.
Damian: -Tt- It’s very frustrating!
Jason: I’ll bet.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 