Mornings at the Manor…
Tim and Damian: *bickering at the breakfast table*
Bruce: Quiet, you two! If I hear one more word, Tim doesn’t get to drink coffee and Damian doesn’t get to go on patrol.
Tim: Bruce!
Damian: Father!
Bruce: Not. One. Word.
Tim and Damian: *start insulting each other by lightly tapping spoons and banging salt and pepper shakers*
Bruce: I thought I told you two to knock it off.
Tim: We didn’t say anything!
Damian: Not one word!
Bruce: Well, no Morse code either.
Tag: grumpy old kid
Teaching your older brother an ancient form of meditation sacred to a line of assassins be like…
Damian: I want you to shut off the logical part of your mind.
Jason: Okay.
Damian: Embrace nothingness.
Jason: You got it.
Damian: Become like an uncarved stone.
Jason: Done.
Damian: Todd! You’re just pretending to know what I’m talking about!
Jason: True.
Damian: -Tt- It’s very frustrating!
Jason: I’ll bet.
When Tim met Damian (an alternative version)…
Damian: *spots Tim sleeping by the Batcomputer* -Tt-
Damian: *nudges him* Wake up.
Tim: *wide-eyed and looking around the Batcave in a panic*
Tim: *wiping slobber off his face* Who in the world are you?
Damian: I’m your new brother.
Tim: Are you from the orphanage or do I really not undersand how babies are born?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
But you do understand how Robins work, right?
Batman: *holding Damian by the scruff of the neck*
Robin: *growling and attempting to free himself*
Batman: This is, uh… *clears his throat* This is my son.
Wonder Woman: Your offspring is adorable! May I keep him?
Nightwing: *panting after having sprinted from across the hall* NO! No, you – you certainly may n-not!
Tim: *watching as Damian furiously stomps away*
Tim: He really doesn’t like me.
Dick: *sighs* He doesn’t. But he didn’t have to say it to your face.
Robin: *crouching atop a gargoyle, watching over Gotham City and allowing the evening breeze to majestically blow his cape around*
Robin: I’m ready to face any challenge that might be foolish enough to face me.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: Master Damian, get down from there. Time for dinner.
Imagine: Dick listening as Bruce gives instructions, then noticing Jason and Damian sneaking into the Batmobile.
Good older brothers don’t tattle.
Jon: What do you think of Maya?
Damian: I think she’s efficient.
Jon: No, not like that. As a girl. G-I-R-L.
Damian: I hadn’t noticed.
Jon: You hadn’t noticed she’s a girl?
Damian: *arranging limited-edition figurines of Batman, Nightwing, Robin and Superboy on his shelf*
Jason: Ah. Your doll collection.
Damian: These are not dolls, Todd. These are commodities. Same as gold or oil.
Dick: Hey, Little Wing.
Jason: Screw you.
Damian: Excuse me, that is no way to address a superior.
Jason: Oh, yeah? Screw you, too.
Tim: *walking into the room and bumping into Jason, who’s fumingly on his way out*
Tim: Whoa. What was that all about?
Alfred: *gives them a pointed look*
Alfred: You all forgot his death anniversary. It was yesterday.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 