Dick: There’s a few important things you need to know as you’re taking this exciting new step in your life!
Duke [whispering]: Why does he sound like a college tour guide?
Barbara [whispering]: Shh. Just let him have this.
Dick: First requirement for any Robin–
Duke: I’m not a Robin, though–
Dick: First requirement for any Robin is a tragic backstory. Do YOU have a tragic backstory?
Steph: Aw, great. Now he sounds like Dora the Explorer.
Tim: This entire conversation is a tragic backstory.
Duke: Uh…
Dick: Don’t wanna talk about it? That’s perfectly fine! We’ll wring it out of ya sooner or later, buddy! Second thing you need are ‘Daddy Issues’.
Jason [deadpan]: If you don’t have any, some will be provided for you.
Tim [equally deadpan]: Just spend an hour with Bruce.
Steph: Yeah, why d’you think Dami’s so messed up?
Damian: Hey!
Duke: What? No, I love my–
Dick: The third thing every Robin needs is ‘patience’. I need to know that if I drag you out of bed at 3am for a late-night dance party, you won’t be annoyed. I need to know that if Tim’s using your helmet as a coffee mug, and if Steph paints your suit purple, and if Jason asks you for cash twelve times in a row–
Jason: Man’s gotta eat.
Steph: You literally spend it all on Sour Patch gummies.
Jason: Yeah. So?
Dick: –that you can take it. And take it in stride. Do you think you have what it takes, Robin Number Six?
Duke: I’m not a Robin, man.
Steph: Oh ho. Is that right?
Steph: Well, then. Do you prance around in ridiculously bright tights?
Duke: They’re not–I don’t…um.
Barbara: Do you always do what Bruce says?
Duke: That’s not–
Damian: Even though you may secretly resent it?
Duke: Well–
Tim: Do you spend your free nights staring at the ceiling as you have another existential crisis about your place in the world and what would happen if one day you just finally snapped?
The others:
Duke:
Duke: Um. No, to that one.
Dick: Yeah, same here. BUT. Do you ever have an inexplicable urge to drive the Batmobile?
Duke: I…actually…
Jason: Do you dish out quips with the best of ’em?
Duke: Yeah, man. I guess. But…
Tim [leaning forward]: Then you are. You are Robin.
Jason [mumbling]: One of us…One of us…
Dick: ONE OF US
Steph: ONE OF US
Damian: One of us.
Tim: ONE OF US
Jason: ONE OF US
Barbara: Don’t worry, Duke. If these guys are freaking you out too much, you could always come and be a Batgirl.
Cass: *nods*
Duke: *facepalms*
Alfred: Alright, everyone. I have the cookies that were requested.
Everyone: YAY!!!
Duke [pulling out his phone as the others devour the treats]: Siri, do the voice log thing.
SIRI: Recording now.
Duke: *sighs* Day forty-seven. I have yet to find a successful escape route. My prospects are looking grim…
Robin: *wiping gleeful tears from his eyes* Where’s what, Grayson?
Red Robin: Don’t act dumb! The villain you were harrassing! Where are they, brat?!
Robin: …
Red Hood: Look, D, I may be the black sheep of the family and probably not the best example, but the use of excessive force –
Robin: *drags his hand down his face in annoyance* Shut. Up.
Robin: *shows them his phone*
His brothers: *dumbfounded*
Robin: Ridiculous, right? Ha ha ha.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Little D may find it hilarious, but I’m… Wow.
It’s quite surreal, especially since I’ve been standing on the shoulders of both professional and amateur writers whose content have inspired me to come up with context for their work (and eventually my own).
Thank you for supporting this blog. Thank you for inspiring me and laughing with me.
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