Breakfast at the Manor…
Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
Tag: grumpy old kid
Tim: Dick, we have a problem.
Dick: Guys, I am not your mother, so don’t come tattling to me every time one of you does something that the other one doesn’t like.
Tim: I’m telling you, he’s crazy. He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice.
Damian: No I didn’t.
Tim: Oh, so you’re saying you didn’t threaten to cut my hair off and give it to Ra’s as a birthday present?
Damian: You know, Drake, I think you’re taking my words a little out of context.
Tim: What?! What context?!
Paintball war at the Manor…
Dick: *whispering* Why did the Resurrected Robins stop firing?
Tim: *listening to every sound* I don’t know… They’re probably out of ammo.
Jason: *yelling from a makeshift fort in Damian’s room* Hey, Fake-Dead Robins, we are giving you a chance to surrender!
Dick: *aims his paintball marker at the draped Batman bedsheet* Yeah, they’re definitely out of ammo.
Dick: *leaning over the sofa in the Wayne Manor library* Wow, Little Wing, you were asleep for a long time. What were you dreaming about?
Jason: *yawning and stretching, swiftly catching the novel that falls from his chest as he gets up* Nothing. I don’t like to dream. I try not to think while I’m sleeping.
Damian: *not looking up from the novel he’s reading at the other side of the room* That’s pretty much how you function while you’re awake, too.
Trying to get your brother to make healthier choices be like…
Nightwing: *laying the blueprint for a warehouse across the street on the rooftop deck*
Red Robin: *setting up surveillance equipment*
Robin: *adjusting Goliath’s leash*
Red Hood: *coughs*
Red Robin: Wait a second, are you smoking inside of your helment again?
Red Hood: What? No.
Red Hood: *tries to stifle another cough as smoke comes out of the vents in his helmet* Oops.
Nightwing: *locating Alfred on his communicator* I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?
Red Hood: None.
Nightwing, Red Robin and Robin: *glare at him*
Red Hood: Okay, five… or more. Baker’s dozen at most.
Robin: Do you even know how many there are in a baker’s dozen, Todd?
Red Hood: By my count? Forty-eight.
Mission on a remote island…
Red Robin: *cutting through jungle foliage with his bo staff* Brat, who are you talking to – Oh, #*$@!!!
Alien: BLARG!
Robin: *standing in front of the nine-foot-tall, Predator-looking creature, ready to defend it* Stop! He is my friend! He’s not going to eat anybody!
Red Hood: *yelling from behind a bush* Yeah! Says you stink too much to eat!
When Batman grounds you from patrolling until you learn to get along with each other…
Red Robin: I really love you, little brother.
Robin: *throws the script at him* -Tt- We have got to get you to that acting clinic, Drake.
Red Robin: And that was with me picturing coffee.
Driving away from a monster attacking Gotham City be like…
Nightwing: *looking through the rear window of the Batmobile* Uh, guys –
Red Robin: *sitting next to Dick, desperately trying to gain remote control of the Batjet using his communicator*
Robin: *riding shotgun* -Tt- You were picked for a reason, Todd! You’re supposed to be our reckless driver!
Red Hood: *about to drive the Batmobile through a burning building* I’m driving as recklessly as I can!
When your little brother obsessively washes his mouth out after accidentally using your toothbrush…
Jason: You’re worried about germs? I’ve seen you kiss your cow on the mouth.
Planning a surprise birthday party for your youngest (kiddie-party-deprived) brother be like…
Dick: Um, Jason’s not much of a clown fan…
Duke: Has he ever seen a good one?
Jason: *from three rooms away* HAS ANYONE???
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Duke, sweetie, it’s a, um… *clears throat* sensitive topic.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 