At the Titans Tower…
Conner: *watching in mild amusement as Tim and Damian tear each other apart with words*
– 4 hours later –
Conner: *yawning* How do you ever get anything done if all you ever do is argue with each other?
Damian: *stares menacingly at him, reaching for the Kryptonite spray in his pocket*
Tim: We don’t! That’s part of our charm! Quit messing it up! *slams the door on Conner and continues his screaming match with his little brother*
Tag: grumpy old kid
Breakfast at the Manor…
Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…
Red Robin: What.
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.
Red Robin: Wow.
Red Hood: Yeah.
Red Robin: No.
Red Hood: Yes!
Red Robin: No!
Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!
Oracle: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…
Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…
Lark: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…
Robin: *sinister laughter*
Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!
Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: – need you to –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!
Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*
Stranded in a swamp…
Red Robin: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Red Hood: Gee, I don’t know, Tim. Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction.
Red Robin: The…?
Red Hood: Physically unchanged for 100 million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine – a half-ton of cold-blooded fury, with a bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we’re surrounded, those snake-eyes are watching from the shadows, waiting for the night –
Nightwing: ♪ Waiting for the night! ♪
Robin: Damn it, Grayson!
Nightwing: ♪ Ooh-hoo! ♪
Red Hood: Keep your voice down!
Nightwing: Why?! Crocodiles don’t have ears!
Red Hood: They absolutely have ears, dickhead!
Mornings at the Manor…
Damian: *cutting down animal-shaped shrubs on the lawn with a katana*
Dick: *watches Damian through the kitchen window while eating his cereal*
Dick: *grinning* His quirks just make you love him more.
Alfred: *blinks*
Alfred: *continues cooking omelettes*
Jason: *aggressively stuffs his mouth with pancakes*
Tim: *chokes on his coffee*
Bruce: *hides behind the Gotham Gazette* Dick:
Dick: *jaws aching* Someone please agree with me.
At a Batfamily mission briefing…
Robin: *glaring at Jason while grabbing him by the collar of his leather jacket* After this is over, you and me –
Red Hood: *taps Damian on the nose with his index finger* Boop!
Robin: *stomps away furiously* Hrrrrrr.
Red Robin: Why do you constantly antagonize him?
Red Hood: I – Oh, my gosh. Tim, are you jealous?
Red Robin: No, I –
Red Hood: *in a singsong voice* I’m gonna make it up to you, buddy.
Red Robin: *face-palming* Please don’t.
Damian: Drake.
Tim: Brat. The bet ends today. Are you ready?
Damian: I was born ready.
Tim: To lose? The whole question was, “Are you ready to lose?” and you said you were born that way.
Damian: Twist my words all you want.
Tim: Okay.
Damian: I’m winning this bet.
Jason: What bet? What’re you guys talking about?
Dick: Seriously? The bet? They’ve been keeping score all year. It comes up all the time. What are you doin’ all day?
Jason: Nothin’. Why, you wanna hang out?
In their top secret, high-tech, steel-walled treehouse…
Robin: *taking a gadget apart* Because whoever sent this thing is trouble.
Superboy: You don’t know that, Damian! They could’ve been nice!
Robin: Nice? No. A nice person says, “Hey, guys! Nice treehouse! Here’s a pound cake”. They don’t plant a freakin’ camera at our front door doing recon on us, Kent.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
The lengths your older brothers’ll go to keep an eye on you.
Mornings at the Manor…
Damian: *pouring Tim a cup of coffee*
Tim: Is that poison?
Damian: It’s decaffeinated, Drake.
Tim: Oh, are you trying to kill me?
Robin: *skims a mission dossier*
Robin: -Tt-
Robin: Father would never ask me to do this.
Nightwing: No, you’re right. He wouldn’t. He’d ask me to ask you.
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