Sparring session at the Batcave…
Nightwing: *lights up escrima sticks*
Red Hood: *cocks guns*
Red Robin: *twirls Bo staff*
Robin: *pulls sword out of scabbard*
Robin: *pushes it back*
Red Robin: *smirks* What are you afraid of?
Robin: I’m afraid I’m gonna hit you all so hard that I’ll be an only child.
And he didn’t mean that to be cocky this time. It’s a legitimate concern.
Tag: grumpy old kid
Tim: Never in all my life have I been that humiliated.
Damian: I beg to differ.
Jason: Yeah. Me, too.
When you’re trying to give your youngest son the “birds and bees” talk but your other sons want to stick around to see how it goes…
Bruce [to Damian]: *opens mouth to talk*
Bruce: *hears a camera shutter sound*
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: *opens mouth to talk again*
Bruce: *notices the reflection of three heads peeking from a crevice in the cave on the Batcomputer screen*
Bruce [to Damian]: Oh, good, everyone’s in here. I was worried we’d have a private conversation for once.
A voice from the crevice: You’re welcome, Bruce!
If Damian came to the Manor as a baby…
Dick: *sniffs*
Tim: Who’s gonna change the little brat?
Jason: We’re going to let him roam free in the backyard and nature will take its course.
At the Titans Tower…
Robin [about the rest of the Teen Titans]: *muttering angrily* I’ll show them who’s “just a kid”!
Nightwing: *yelling from the room across the hall* Damian, bedtime! I laid out your jammy-jams!
Why Dick is Damian’s favorite older brother…
Tim [about Damian]: In a way, I think we learned more from him than he learned from us.
Jason: Well, obviously. Because we taught him nothing.
Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!
Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]
Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.
[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]
FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
On how he plans to celebrate Father’s Day…
Bruce: My sons are going to make me breakfast in bed.
Bruce: Well, actually, Alfred’s going to make the breakfast and I’m going to get in bed, but they’re going to bring it to me.
Trying to be useful in the Batcave be like…
Robin: *working on the Batcomputer*
Spoiler: *making popping noises with her mouth*
Robin: Brown.
Robin: -Tt-
Spoiler: Damiaaaaaaan, is there anything else I can do?
Robin: *sighs*
Robin: See those case files on Drake’s desk?
Spoiler: Mm-hmm?
Robin: Go put them in random order.
After hours of searching the Manor…
Alfred: *throws hands up in exasperation as the five-course dinner he prepared grows cold* Well, the boys are off. I wonder where they went.
Bruce: Out of town.
Alfred: How do you know, Master Bruce?
Bruce: I told them not to.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 