Imagine: Grown-up Damian to Jason in a Batfamily “The Godfather” AU.
Tag: grumpy old kid
When your faux fiancée won’t believe how nosy your siblings can be…
Tim [to Tam]: As soon as we touch, the blinds will open, and three annoying, but lovable, misfits will be staring at us.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And one creepy, but loveable, Batdad will be spying through binoculars from three rooftops away.
In the middle of a jungle mission and both of Tim’s legs are broken…
Robin: Well, we definitely can’t leave Drake!
Red Hood: We have to. Tim, I’m sorry –
Red Robin: No, you’re not.
Red Hood: I am, actually, which whatever, but –
Robin: *cocks and aims one of Jason’s guns at him* We are not leaving Drake!
Red Hood: What do you even think you’re doing?
Robin: I AM TAKING COMMAND!
Red Hood and Red Robin: *look at each other*
Red Hood and Red Robin: *laugh hysterically*
Red Hood: Oh my goodness! *wiping tears from his eyes* Okay. Thanks, little D. I think we needed that.
Red Robin: *clutching his belly and sighing blissfully* We did. We really did.
Sorting stacks of old case files at the Batcave…
Dick: You know I think we’re making some real progress.
Tim: Where, in opposite world? We’re never gonna finish all this!
Damian: We could if certain people would help. -Tt-
Jason: *standing behind stacks of cardboard boxes* I’m sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.
Damian: Well, I’m actually happy I didn’t maul you to death.
Jason: Why? So you can slowly annoy me to death instead?
Robin: It’s not a spaceship.
Beast Boy: Well, if it smells like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck…
Robin: But then it would be a duck, not a spaceship, so your point escapes me.
Beast Boy: *rubs face in frustration* It’s just a metaphor!
Bruce trying his hand at fatherhood…
Bruce [to Damian]: Here’s some money. *hands over $100*
Bruce: Go see a “Star War”.
Teaching your little brother (who was raised by assassins in a mountain far away) about sports be like…
Dick: *setting up the rims and nets*
Jason: *dribbling the balls*
Tim: *configuring the shot clock*
Damian: *putting on his cleats* I’ve never played basketball. I’m certain I’ll pick it up. Who’s going to be goalie?
When you’re trying to turn over a new leaf but your brothers miss the “chaotic-but-fun” you…
Jason: What is that?
Tim: *wiggles his eyebrows* Looks like a fuse.
Jason: All right, what exactly are you planning?
Dick: We’re planning to get you back. We want our brother back, the way he used to be.
Damian: Todd, we are well aware of how much you used to like fire, explosions…
Damian: *hands Jason a lighter*
Jason: *stares at it*
Jason: Nice try. That was a long time ago.
Tim: Really?
Jason:
Jason: *looks at the fuse again*
Jason: So, where does this go?
Dick: Well, I suppose you could find out by crawling over the fence and following the fuse. Or you could find out… *grinning* the Jason way.
Tim: We’re sure that you’ll make the right decision.
Jason: Guys, I’m telling you. Things are different now! I’m an adult, I have responsibilities. I’m just not a sixteen-year-old maniac anymore who –
Jason: *hears a click, then sees that his hand has already flicked the lighter on and is holding it to the fuse*
Jason: Huh. Interesting.
Tim: I’m sick of you always having an edge just because you’re cruel and I’m smart and I’m concerned about consequences. I can be just as vicious and shortsighted as you!
Damian: Oh, yeah? *sarcastically* I’m really scared. Why don’t you just –
Damian: *realizes that his hand is stuck to his forehead *
Damian: *gritting his teeth* Drake, what did you do?
Tim: *holds up a tube of Super Glue* I sank to your level. And I have to say, it feels good.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 