When an alien trying to take over the Earth lands in Gotham City…
Red Hood: *jumps over cars and debris to get to the alien ship*
Red Robin: What’re you gonna do, Hood?
Red Hood: Show it what a real monster looks like.
Tag: family patrol nights
Peace time at Gotham City be like…
Dick: *sighs*
Damian: *yawns* – Tt –
Tim: *searches for “shark-repellent Bat-spray” on Amazon.com*
Jason: *stretches muscles, then lays back down on couch*
Dick: Gotta save someone.
Tim: Know the feeling.
Robin: *yelling from two rooftops away* I know where you live!
Red Robin: *yelling back* And I live where you live!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
This is not how you threaten each other, boys, but carry on…
Family Patrol Night…
Nightwing and Red Robin: *watching Red Hood “interrogate” a criminal*
Nightwing: Uhhh… I think Jason may have snapped.
Red Robin: Or maybe he’s just stuck in character.
Nightwing: Which is worse? Snapped or stuck?
Red Robin: Both. They’re both worse.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Someone rescue that thug.
Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!
Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]
Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.
[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]
FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
Red Hood [to thug]: I bark.
Red Hood: That kid there, see him? *points to Robin*
Red Hood: He bites.
Preparing for Family Patrol Night…
Robin: *adjusting Goliath’s leash* What, Todd, for the first time ever, doesn’t want to do this?
Nightwing: *stuffing cereal packets into strategic places in his suit* No, no, he does. It’s just that he’s been so mopey.
Red Robin: *checking the coordinates of a supervillain’s lair on the Batcomputer* Well, that could have something to do with the fact that today’s his death anniversary.
Nightwing: I don’t know what it is.
Red Robin: I think that’s what it is.
Robin: -Tt- Who knows with him?
Red Robin: *looks into the camera like he’s on “The Office”*
Warehouse: *explodes*
Red Robin: *watches as debris slowly fall into the Gotham Harbor*
Red Hood: *looks at Tim questioningly*
Red Robin: Bruce’s not going to say anything because we’re not going to tell him.
Red Hood: We’re not?
Red Robin: No, we’re not.
Red Hood: Alright. I like that.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Because Tim would totally propose this and Jason would totally agree.
Nightwing: *singing NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye”*
Robin: *abruptly hits the Batmobile brakes*
Nightwing: *slumps back into the passenger seat and takes an earphone out of his ear*
Robin: You know what I find annoying?
Nightwing: Me?
Robin: *grabs Dick’s earphones, chucks them out of the window, and floors the gas pedal* Yes.
Family Patrol Night…
Robin: *takes his vibrating phone out of his pocket*
Robin: *frowns and puts it back* -Tt-
Red Robin:
Nightwing:
Robin: *takes his vibrating phone out of his pocket again*
Robin: Grrrr. *puts it on Silent Mode*
Nightwing: … ?
Red Robin: *gestures to Red Hood* He just learned how to “poke” on Facebook.
When you’re bored out of your mind from having been watching a criminal mastermind sleep in his apartment for the last 8 hours.
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