Undercover missions be like…
Red Hood [to Red Robin]: *whispers* If anyone catches us, they’re dead.
Tag: family patrol nights
Hanging out with your brother during patrol be like…
Red Hood [to Nightwing]: I came with you to escape my relationship drama, not get a front row seat to yours.
Nightwing [on the Comm Link]: *on his motorcycle, tailing them* Did you two just push Tim out of the moving Batmobile and yell, “You’re out of the team”?!
Red Hood: Now, in hindsight, that does seem kind of rash.
Robin: *pulling into a Batburger drive-through* It was kind of a snap decision.
Red Hood: We’re trying to piece together a night and we need your help.
“Ric” Grayson: I don’t remember that night.
Red Robin: We didn’t tell you which night yet.
“Ric”: *shrugs* I don’t remember most evenings.
Robin: *exasperated sigh*
The GCPD closing in be like…
♫ ♩ Bat Boys, Bat Boys
Whatcha gonna do?♪ ♫
♬ Whatcha gonna do
When they come for you? ♫ ♩
On a train, in pursuit of some thugs…
Red Hood: You see how their legs broke? That’s because they didn’t use the parachute fall. Which I don’t have time to teach you properly, but –
Spoiler: Why would you want to?
Red Hood: I – because I take pride in my work?
Spoiler: Why would you teach it to me it at all?!
Red Hood: Oh!
Red Hood: We gotta jump off the train.
When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…
Red Robin: What.
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.
Red Robin: Wow.
Red Hood: Yeah.
Red Robin: No.
Red Hood: Yes!
Red Robin: No!
Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!
Batgirl: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…
Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…
The Signal: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…
Robin: *sinister laughter*
Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!
Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: – need you to –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!
Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*
Undercover mission at a restaurant…
Jason: Let’s go Ti – Thomas, c’mon! Chop, chop.
Tim: You’re the one who dropped it! Why do I have to clean it up?
Jason: Because you’re the garçon de cuisine, which means kitchen boy, whereas I am the sous chef, which means shut your face and mop up the damn yogurt.
Tim: And why do you get to be sous chef?
* Flashback to Jason and Roy eating out in France while staking out a tech criminal during their Red Hood/Arsenal days *
Jason: Because I have fine dining experience!
On an overloaded plane over the Atlantic Ocean…
Nightwing: Hello? Time’s a bit of a factor here!
Red Hood: Tim, for the love of bats, man, jump!
Red Robin: Just throw out the kryptonite!
Red Hood: What?! No! I’m not telling Bruce I lost the original hundred pounds of –
Nightwing and Red Robin: Kilos!
Red Hood: Whatever unit of measurement – of kryptonite! Plus, all this kryptonite! Do you have any idea how pissed he’d be?
Nightwing: Well, the alternative is a belly-landing in a swamp filled with alligators!
Red Hood: No. No, no, no. No. What if, um…
Red Robin: Jason! Alligators or Bruce!
Red Hood: What’s the difference?! They’re both cold-blooded prehistoric monsters!
Red Hood: *peeks from behind a crate at a group of burly men in state-of-the-art armor guarding the warehouse entrance*
Red Hood: *whispering* How are we going to get past them without a gun fight?
Red Robin: *studying a digital blueprint of the warehouse* I’ll tell you how John McClane would do it: the vents.
Red Hood: *stuffs his revolvers back into their holsters and nods enthusiastically* Blast the A/C, they get chilly, they leave to find sweaters.
Red Robin:
Red Robin: No. We’re going to climb through them.
Red Hood: Even better! Classic use of vents.
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