Tag: family patrol nights

Red Hood: *helps Red Robin stand up* Are you in any pain?

Red Robin: Well, not nearly as much as you. It’s killing you, isn’t it?

Red Hood: What?

Red Robin: Having to wait this long to tell me how you awesomely kicked down that steel door.

Red Hood: You want me to start from the beginning?

Nightwing [on the Comm Link]: Wait, did you just use the word “veritable” in a sentence?

Oracle: Yes, I did.

Nightwing: Sexy.

Oracle: You should hear me say “fallacious”.

Red Hood: Uh. *shuts off earpiece*

Red Robin: Gross. *shuts off earpiece*

Robin: -Tt- *shuts off earpiece*

Red Hood: *unconscious on the floor*

Nightwing: Well?

Red Robin: *checks Red Hood’s pulse* He’ll live.

Robin: What, no brain damage?

Red Robin: If he has some, it happened way before tonight and was probably self-inflicted.

Red Hood: *gets up* Ahhh, good times. 

Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!

Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.

[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]

Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.

[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]

FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.

FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.

Why Batman disdains out-of-town supervillain lairs (or taking his sons with him all at once)…

Nightwing: Turkey farm?

Red Hood: No.

Red Robin: Skunks?

Red Hood: No.

Robin: Slaughterhouse?

Red Hood: No.

Catwoman: What are you boys doing back there?

Red Robin: We’re playing “What’s That Odor?”.

Robin: Father’s feet?

Batman: Hn. Damian.

Red Hood: You win, Dami.

Batman: Jason.

Nightwing: Are we there yet, Bruce?

Batman: I’ll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.

Family Patrol Night…

Batman: I will go in and do this quietly.

Red Hood: Well, if that doesn’t work, we will come in to make some noise. *cocks guns*

Nightwing: *lights up escrima sticks*

Red Robin: *twirls bo staff*

Robin: *brandishes sword*

Bonus:

Superman: *hovers and winks*

Why Batman sometimes dreads going on out-of-town Justice League missions (or, you know, dying)…

Bruce [to Alfred]: I take my eye off the ball for one minute and I’ve got one kid in a coma, one with a black eye, and one running a crime ring!

Peace time at Gotham City be like…

Dick: *sighs*

Damian: *yawns* – Tt –

Tim: *searches for “shark-repellent Bat-spray” on Amazon.com*

Jason: *stretches muscles, then lays back down on couch* 

Dick: Gotta save someone.

Tim: Know the feeling. 

Infiltrating a high-security criminal base…

Nightwing [to the rest of the Batfamily]: I know you’re all tired, but don’t forget why we’re here.

Red Hood: Because we’re dedicated detectives.

Nightwing: Because Jason jumped the gun.