The Batboys discussing how to save Batman, who’s being held captive by Bane…
Red Hood: Don’t worry about me, I’m –
Nightwing: – not going on another stupid rampage!
Red Hood: Well, maybe a limited rampage.
Nightwing: No!
Red Hood: Modified limited rampage?
Red Robin: *runs hand through face in frustration* Jason.
Robin: *strapping on a variety of weapons and explosives on his body*
Robin: Don’t worry about our methods.
Tag: family patrol nights
Intimidating Black Mask’s henchman…
*cut scenes of each of Red Hood’s weapons all over his body as he puts his clothes back on*
Henchman: *whimpers*
Red Robin: I think he gets it.
Red Hood: Just film the confessions, Red, don’t editorialize!
Red Hood: *to henchman* Do you get it?
Henchman: Yes! Please!
Red Hood: Because I swear to Batman, I will strip back down and show you all over again –
Henchman: No, I get it, I get it! You have a lotta guns –
Red Hood: And a knife, which I am going to push *mock demo* very slowly into your urethra –
Red Robin: *groans in secondhand embarrassment* Ew.
Preparing for an undercover mission at a Wayne Foundation charity gala for children be like…
Dick: We can’t all be Cinderella.
Tim: Then how do we decide?
Jason: Well, it’s simple. This was my idea. I’m driving. I’m Cinderella. If you bitches got a problem with that, we can stop the car right now.
Damian: *sulking in his Winnie the Pooh costume* -Tt-
The Batboys, getting off a plane, hands up in surrender, at gunpoint by the Air Force…
Dick: Don’t shoot!
Jason: We’re coming out, don’t shoot!
Air Force: *shouting at them to drop their weapons*
Tim: *cursing under his breath*
Jason: Do not shoot! Guys, it’s okay, I – Q clearance! I’ve got Q clearance!
Damian: Seriously, is that even a real thing?
Colonel: Q clearance? Let’s see about that. What’s your authentication phrase?
Jason: Sweet, dash, 44, tender, dash, 9, hot, dash, juicy. Porkchops.
Tim and Damian: *glaring*
Jason: *shrugs* I didn’t pick it.
Bruce: Because I don’t want it in the Batmobile.
Jason: Well, what do you want me to do, Bruce?
*Jason holds up a used airsickness bag*
Jason: Just throw it out the window?
Bruce: *through gritted teeth* Obviously.
Jason: Oh.
*Jason throws the bag out the car window, hitting Damian*
Damian: TODD!
Jason: Ha, ha!
When you and your brothers take the Batmobile out for a spin without permission and it breaks down in the middle of nowhere…
Nightwing: Come on, guys, push!
Red Hood: If I push any harder, I’m gonna give birth to my colon!
Robin: I can’t feel my fingers! Hurry up!
Red Robin: It’s the same amount of work no matter how fast you go! Basic physics!
Red Hood: Timmy, if my fingers ever work again, I’ve got a job for the middle one.
When it’s Family Patrol Night but you decide to grab a quick drink at a nearby bar first…
Batman: *glaring*
Red Hood: I’m not late, Bruce. It’s 9:18, which is practically 9:15, which is basically 9. If anything, I’m early.
#family patrol nights
I recently posted about a new tag that I’d be using
(#mornings at the manor), which is meant for posts about the Batfamily’s domestic AM shenanigans. Then, I realized that if they had moments of adorable “normalcy” in the mornings, why wouldn’t they have them at night (when they’re usually out on patrol) as well? Hence, the tag above.
I think I’ve already posted this headcanon on my other Tumblr account (a-wayne-at-heart), but in my mind, the Batkids (especially the Robins) try to find ways to amuse themselves while they’re patrolling together – much to their Batdad’s chagrin (but, really, he’s secretly amused and relieved that his children are getting along).
When there’s downtime (stakeouts can be boring). When they’re getting on each other’s nerves. When they end up in ridiculous situations. When they’re trying not to dwell on the pressure of constantly being in life-and-death situations (or their own personal troubles).
Humor can be a pretty effective coping mechanism for vigilantes, too.
So, this tag is for those posts which involve at least the four main Robins (Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian), with or without Batman and/or other family members, friends, colleagues, et al.
(Maybe I’ll backtrack and tag much older posts. There’s just so many and I don’t have the patience for it right now. Haha.)
Nightwing: “B-Team” roll call. Hood?
Red Hood: *cocks guns* Here and handsome!
Nightwing: Little D?
Robin: *brandishes katana* Here and crazy!
Nightwing: Red?
Red Robin: *twirls Bo staff* I pity the fool! But also suggest ways he may better himself.
Batman: *facepalms* Hrrrn.
And that it why “Family Movie Nights” now come after “Family Patrol Nights”.
GCPD rooftop…
Nightwing: *applying a tourniquet to Red Robin’s bleeding leg*
Red Hood: *doing a quick ammo inventory*
Robin: *perched on the ledge, on the lookout*
Batman: Jim. Good evening.
Commissioner Gordon: *lights a cigarette*
Commissioner Gordon: First thing I learned working with your family is that, wherever you people go, threats and bloodshed seem to follow. So, just stay out of the GCPD’s way and try not to kill anyone.
Yeaaahhh… not gonna happen, Jim. Ain’t that what the Batsignal beside you’s for?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 