Family Patrol Night…
Red Hood: *lies down on the rooftop and tucks his arms under his head* Tonight is the maginificent Lyrid meteor shower.
Nightwing: *grins* It’s where the Planet Geek passes through the Nerdy Way.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
See, Tim wasn’t the original Dork Wonder.
Red Robin [on the Comm Link]: Jay, I need you for this. You’re sneakier than I am, you’re a bigger liar, and you have no moral compass.
Red Hood: Look, thanks for all the compliments, but breaking into one stupid high security facility? That’s not even a challenge.
When you and your brothers choose to ditch patrol and have an impromptu picnic instead…
Red Robin: Uh, guys? We don’t have the ingredients for S’mores.
Red Hood: We do.
Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin: *stare at him*
Red Hood: What? I always have emergency S’more rations in my motorcycle.
He’s got a lighter in case you want an impromptu bonfire, too.
Family Patrol Night…
Nightwing: What are you doing, Tim?
Red Robin: I’ve hacked into the cameras in your masks.
Red Hood: Uh, what?
Red Robin: Reviewing the footage. There’s something not right here.
Robin: *glaring* We don’t have cameras in our masks.
Oh, has Timmy not mentioned those before… ?
Red Robin: *referring to Damian’s sword* Drop it, brat.
Robin: *tightening his grip* Can’t do that, Drake.
Red Hood: Guys, guys, guys, guys. Let’s just, let’s just take a minute here. Remember, we’re a family –
Red Robin and Robin: Stay in the car!
Red Hood: Technically, I still have one foot in the car –
Patrol gone awry…
Robin: *angrily stomps into the Batcave*
Red Robin: *wearily takes off his combat boots*
Red Hood: *has a leather jacket tug-of-war with Ace the Bathound*
Nightwing: So… What happened out there?
Robin: Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Douche over there.
Nightwing: Who’re they?
Red Robin and Robin: They’re both Jason.
Family Patrol Night…
Robin: You ripped my cape, Drake!
Red Robin: And you broke my nose twice, you brat! I healed, you broke it again. Two times!
Robin: *punches Red Robin* Make that three times!
Nightwing: *attempting to pull them apart*
Red Hood: *rolling on the floor laughing*
Criminal: *bound and incredibly confused*
When you capture a perpetrator then realize that it’s your brother…
Red Hood: Hey, Timbo! You’re stopping a felony and I’m committing one. Remember when we used to have Movie Night?
Red Robin: *groans*
“How to Quickly End Bruce’s ‘Lectures’ during Patrol using Sarcasm” by Jason Peter Todd…
Red Hood [to Batman]: *on the Comm Link* You’re going to have to speak a little slower. And in a different language.
And the waiting list for an autographed copy is Wayne Manor hallway-long.
Outside Black Mask’s warehouse full of fuel tanks…
Red Hood: *lights up a match*
Red Robin: Jason, if you do what I think you’re going to do, I swear I will never speak to you again.
Red Hood: Really? Then, by all means, tell me exactly what you think I’m going to do.
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