Tag: family patrol nights

When you see footage of your father, who’s bruised, bloodied, bound and being taunted by a villanous metahuman, on the Batcomputer screen…

Nightwing:

Red Hood:

Red Robin:

Robin:

Alfred: *clears his throat*

Alfred: Boys, he wouldn’t want you involved –

Robin: *pulls his sword from its scabbard and releases Goliath from his cage*

Red Robin: *tracks the source of the footage and hacks into its system*

Red Hood: *reloads his guns and straps on explosives*

Nightwing: *lights up his escrima sticks* We’re already involved. We’re family, Alfred.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I mean it’s not as if Alfred left that footage to stream for you to “accidentally” find against Batman’s orders… Right?

When your adoptive father and eldest brother question how you and Red Robin caused 5-million-dollars-worth of property damage on a simple recon mission…

Red Hood: Because we’re awesome and you two suck. Next question.

Family Patrol Night…

Red Robin [on the Comm Link]: You can fire us both for insubordination if you want, but we’ve got this.

Batman: *hears an explosion in the background*

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Batboys out. *click*

Red Robin: *click*

Batman:

Batman: *groans*

Family Patrol Night…

After 46 hours of spying on Black Mask’s men (and not seeing anything incriminating)…

Red Robin: *dozing off and almost dropping his binoculars*

Robin: *trying to keep his eyes open* -Tt-

Nightwing: *yawns and whips out his mobile phone*

Red Hood: You know, there were plenty of ways to pass the time before smartphones were invented.

Nightwing: That’s true.

Red Hood: *whips out his mobile phone* I’ll look them up – Oh, son of a Bat!

Family Patrol Night…

Batman: *setting up surveillance equipment on the rooftop*

Robin: *watching the traffic down below while perched atop a gargoyle*

Nightwing: *balancing on the ledge (y’know, upside-down and on one hand, the yoosh)*

Red Robin: Jay, I have a riddle for you. What’s the sound of one hand clapping?

Red Hood: Piece of cake. *opens and closes his fist quickly, which makes a faint sound*

Red Robin: No, man. It’s a 3000-year-old riddle with no answer. It’s supposed to clear your mind of conscious thought.

Red Hood: No answer? Timmy, listen up. *quickly opens and closes his fist again*

Batman: Hn. *smirks*

Nightwing: *giggles and almost loses his balance*

Robin: -Tt-

On board the Batplane…

Robin: -Tt-

Robin: All I needed was this aircraft, so why is it full of you idiots?

Red Robin: *locks the plane door behind him and sends his own jet back home via autopilot* I wasn’t gonna sit around the Batcave all by myself.

Nightwing: *lands gracefully from the ceiling and onto the captain’s seat* One of us needed multi-engine time for his pilot’s license.

Red Hood: *comes out of a crate and dusts off his jacket* And one of us would go pretty much anywhere to piss off your father.

Yup, it had nothing to do with them wanting to annoy you like good, loving, older brothers do.

Nightwing: Bruce, we, um… We did something very bad.

Batman: Did you wreck the Batplane?

Red Robin: No!

Batman: Did you raise the dead?

Robin: Yes!

Batman: But the plane’s okay?

Nightwing: Uh-huh…

Batman: All right then.

Look, your father’s very tired, boys…

Meanwhile, somewhere in Nanda Parbat…

Red Hood: *covered in Lazarus Pit fluid* What the f–

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When Batman’s sons come over to your city and you hear about it at work…

Lois: Hey, Smallville. There are a few developments. You might want to make some room on the front page.

Clark: *raises an eyebrow*

No need to worry, Superman. It’s just your nephews wreaking havoc on some Gotham City criminals who thought they could hide out in Metropolis.