When “dead Robins” team up…
Red Hood: What are we going to do?
Robin: *flicks a lighter open* I could start a fire.
Red Hood: No!
Red Hood: But keep that in your back pocket.
Tag: family patrol nights
Family Patrol Nights…
Robin: *pretending to be on the Comm Link with Batman* Yes, I’m happy, Father! But I’d be happier if I didn’t have to share this job with such an idiot!
Red Robin: *setting up surveillance equipment* Brat, I can hear you.
Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin: *setting up surveillance equipment*
Red Hood: *tapping his foot impatiently*
Red Robin: *hacking into a supervillain’s mainframe computer*
Red Hood: *squirming*
Red Robin: *sighs and shakes his head*
Red Hood: I need to pee.
Red Robin: Don’t you think it’s weird that you’ve already gone seven times today?
Red Hood: I think it’s weird that you’re counting.
When you’re doing surveillance and bored out of your mind and your little brother’s “lectures” aren’t helping…
Robin: What are you doing now, Todd?
Red Hood: *rolling up a piece of paper* Making a straw.
Robin: Why?
Red Hood: So I can shoot you with a spitball.
Robin: You’re not going to do that, and I’ll tell you why. This is a mission, I am your partner, and you’re going to treat me with the prop – *chokes a bit* You shot your spit in my mouth!
Red Hood: Is this gonna be a long night? Because I don’t think I could do that again.
How to stay moisturized during freezing patrol nights in Gotham City…
Nightwing: *carefully pouring liquid from a tiny bottle onto his finger, then gently dabbing some of it on his lips* I’m telling you, Jay. Olive oil.
Red Hood: *grimaces* Dick, just because it’s good on salad it doesn’t mean it’s good on your lips.
When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…
Red Robin: What.
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.
Red Robin: Wow.
Red Hood: Yeah.
Red Robin: No.
Red Hood: Yes!
Red Robin: No!
Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!
Oracle: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…
Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…
Lark: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…
Robin: *sinister laughter*
Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!
Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: – need you to –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!
Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*
When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…
Red Robin: What.
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.
Red Robin: Wow.
Red Hood: Yeah.
Red Robin: No.
Red Hood: Yes!
Red Robin: No!
Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!
Oracle: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…
Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…
Lark: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…
Robin: *sinister laughter*
Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!
Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: – need you to –
Nightwing: Noop.
Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!
Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*
Mission briefing…
Batman: The B-52 is on the ocean floor here at a depth of 8,000 feet –
Red Hood: Or 1,333 fathoms.
Red Robin: How do you know that?
Red Hood: How do you not?
Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin: *holding Robin by the scruff of the neck* Hey, if you want, you can babysit this brat and I’ll go with Zsasz to the GCPD.
Red Hood: *walking towards the bound and gagged criminal* No. No, thank you. Bring on the ex-con.
Why Batman got the ol’ silent treatment during patrol that night…
Four hours ago, at a Wayne Foundation gala…
Senator: You have wonderful sons, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce: Yes, I do. But Dick, Tim, and Damian must never learn of them.
Senator and Bruce: *pompous laughter*
Dick, Tim, and Damian: …
Batman:
Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:
Batman: I’m –
Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin: *grapple-hook away*
Lighten up, boys. It was just one glass of champagne too many.
Also, Jason’s legally dead, so he’s like, “Meh”.
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