Stranded in a swamp…
Red Robin: Why are you so scared of crocodiles?
Red Hood: Gee, I don’t know, Tim. Maybe deep down, I’m afraid of any apex predator that lived through the K-T extinction.
Red Robin: The…?
Red Hood: Physically unchanged for 100 million years, because it’s the perfect killing machine – a half-ton of cold-blooded fury, with a bite force of 20,000 Newtons, and stomach acid so strong it can dissolve bones and hooves. And now we’re surrounded, those snake-eyes are watching from the shadows, waiting for the night –
Nightwing: ♪ Waiting for the night! ♪
Robin: Damn it, Grayson!
Nightwing: ♪ Ooh-hoo! ♪
Red Hood: Keep your voice down!
Nightwing: Why?! Crocodiles don’t have ears!
Red Hood: They absolutely have ears, dickhead!
Tag: family patrol nights
At a Batfamily mission briefing…
Robin: *glaring at Jason while grabbing him by the collar of his leather jacket* After this is over, you and me –
Red Hood: *taps Damian on the nose with his index finger* Boop!
Robin: *stomps away furiously* Hrrrrrr.
Red Robin: Why do you constantly antagonize him?
Red Hood: I – Oh, my gosh. Tim, are you jealous?
Red Robin: No, I –
Red Hood: *in a singsong voice* I’m gonna make it up to you, buddy.
Red Robin: *face-palming* Please don’t.
Red Hood: *peeks from behind a crate at a group of burly men in state-of-the-art armor guarding the warehouse entrance*
Red Hood: *whispering* How are we going to get past them without a gun fight?
Red Robin: *studying a digital blueprint of the warehouse* I’ll tell you how John McClane would do it: the vents.
Red Hood: *stuffs his revolvers back into their holsters and nods enthusiastically* Blast the A/C, they get chilly, they leave to find sweaters.
Red Robin:
Red Robin: No. We’re going to climb through them.
Red Hood: Even better! Classic use of vents.
Preparing for an an undercover mission be like…
Red Robin: Jason is “Douche Bag”.
Nightwing: Hey, that’s not a code name. That’s just an insult.
Robin: Plus, everyone would know who you meant, Drake.
Red Hood: Yeah!
Early on-the-job training with the “OG Robin” be like…
Goons: *in hot pursuit*
Robin: *standing on the edge of a cliff* Y-you w-want me to j-j-jump?
Nightwing: *chuckles* No, Tim, I want you to have the power to apparate like the teenage wizards in “Harry Potter”, but you don’t, so into the wind you go! *shoves him lightly then follows*
In the Batplane…
Batman:
The Flash:
Batman:
The Flash: *shuddering*
Batman: You okay?
The Flash: *still trying to get over seeing Red Robin and Robin in action only a few moments back*
The Flash: You convinced two healthy kids to jump out of a plane. Is that even legal?
Trying to get your brother to make healthier choices be like…
Nightwing: *laying the blueprint for a warehouse across the street on the rooftop deck*
Red Robin: *setting up surveillance equipment*
Robin: *adjusting Goliath’s leash*
Red Hood: *coughs*
Red Robin: Wait a second, are you smoking inside of your helment again?
Red Hood: What? No.
Red Hood: *tries to stifle another cough as smoke comes out of the vents in his helmet* Oops.
Nightwing: *locating Alfred on his communicator* I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?
Red Hood: None.
Nightwing, Red Robin and Robin: *glare at him*
Red Hood: Okay, five… or more. Baker’s dozen at most.
Robin: Do you even know how many there are in a baker’s dozen, Todd?
Red Hood: By my count? Forty-eight.
Mission on a remote island…
Red Robin: *cutting through jungle foliage with his bo staff* Brat, who are you talking to – Oh, #*$@!!!
Alien: BLARG!
Robin: *standing in front of the nine-foot-tall, Predator-looking creature, ready to defend it* Stop! He is my friend! He’s not going to eat anybody!
Red Hood: *yelling from behind a bush* Yeah! Says you stink too much to eat!
Assassin androids: *closing in*
Red Hood: *feeling his empty pockets for spare ammo and finding none* Yeah, well, I have a plan.
Red Robin: Dodging bullets is not a plan!
Driving away from a monster attacking Gotham City be like…
Nightwing: *looking through the rear window of the Batmobile* Uh, guys –
Red Robin: *sitting next to Dick, desperately trying to gain remote control of the Batjet using his communicator*
Robin: *riding shotgun* -Tt- You were picked for a reason, Todd! You’re supposed to be our reckless driver!
Red Hood: *about to drive the Batmobile through a burning building* I’m driving as recklessly as I can!
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