incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When you’re stranded in the middle of wherever and calling your family’s all you’ve got…

Red Robin: What.

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Timbo, hey, shut up. I need you to wire me a thousand dollars.

Red Robin: Wow.

Red Hood: Yeah.

Red Robin: No.

Red Hood: Yes!

Red Robin: No!

Red Hood: Oh, for – Then just lemme talk to Babs!

Oracle: Absolutely not. Huh? Because pick any one of an infinite number of reasons! Yeah, okay, hang on…

Spoiler: Mmmmyeah, no, I would, but Cass and I can’t really leave the mall at the moment… But I can transfer you…

Lark: No, I seriously thought you were joking. Yeah, hang on…

Robin: *sinister laughter*

Red Hood: Okay. Okay! Lemme talk to Dick!

Red Hood: Dick?! Dick, listen, I –

Nightwing: Noop.

Red Hood: – need you to –

Nightwing: Noop.

Red Hood: Stop saying “noop”!

Nightwing: Noop, Jason. Noop. And it’s gonna sound like I’m hanging up, but — *static*

vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

image

Nightwing: *shrugs* They need our help, guys.

Red Hood: Yeah, but… This is… W-What if we… I don’t know, it’s… I don’t know. Shouldn’t we run this by Bruce first?

Robin: Ha! Father would never agree, so I say we just go do it. I bet I could get Kent to sneak into his father’s Fortress of Sadness or whatever and find us something that could help us get there –

Red Hood: *holds up a hand to stop him* Little D, I get it. I died, you died, yet we’re both standing here. A crisis rebooting our universe is basically just Tuesday for all of us. But this? We’re talking other universe-universe. Like, an outside-of-our-entire-freakin’-Multiverse universe, like even Mr. Mxyzptlk –

Nightwing: Jason’s got a point. None of us has ever gone that far. We didn’t even know it existed before this message from… @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr., who seems to be some kind of… Spiderman.

Red Robin: *clears his throat* That’s not… completely true.

Nightwing: What do you mean?

Red Robin: *whips out his phone and scrolls past about a hundred folders full of photos and case files before reaching one requiring a retinal scan to unlock*

Red Robin: *sighs deeply and aligns his eyes to the scanner*

Red Robin: You jerks better promise me you won’t judge me.

Red Robin: 

image

Nightwing:

Red Hood:

Robin:

To be continued?

Struggling too much? *jumps off the ceiling* then here,have a mazapán *toss one mazapán to each bat kid*

Red Hood: *checking out the mazapán he just caught* What the – *looks up at the ceiling, then at @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr, then back at the ceiling* Where – 

Nightwing: *grinning at @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr, impressed and about to bite into the mazapán* Nice landing. And thanks for this.

Robin: *grabs the mazapán from Dick’s hand* -Tt-  You should know better than to just accept sweets from otherworldly strangers, Grayson.

@vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr: *throws another mazapán at Dick, who single-handedly catches it without looking*

Nightwing: *pops the candy into his mouth* That’s only applies when you haven’t tried them, Little D. They’re, as they say, delicioso. Jessica C hands ‘em out during Justice League lunches.

Red Hood: *examining the treat* Why do I feel like I’ve tried these before, but like, they’re called marzap – mirzi – 

Batwoman: *walks out of the shadows*

Red Hood and Batwoman:  Marzipan!

Red Hood: Kate, how did you –

Batwoman: I’m not sure, Jasón – Did I just call you Jasón?

Nightwing [to @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr]: *rolls his eyes* Don’t worry about them. They’re just having some kind of flashback of an alternate reality or something.  

Red Robin: *slow-clapping sarcastically* Good job revealing our secret identities, team. Keep it up.

Robin: *yelling from across the room* Oh, that one’s name is “Loser Drake”!

Red Robin: Are you done being “mature”, Damian? ‘Cause I really think we should start figuring out what’s what before Batman arrives.

To be continued…

…*looks around and laughs softly* los niños de estos días,I have more candies if you want some,calaveras de azúcar,cacahuates garapiñados,plátanos fritos,etc!

Red Hood: *stuffing his mouth with candies*  Yo sé,  yo sé, @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr… 

The Signal: Dude, did you just speak in Spanish?

Red Hood: *looks up at him* 

Red Hood: *shrugs, then continues binging*

Batwoman: *fills her utility belt with treats* I’m just gonna run some tests on these.

Nightwing: *smirking, accompanies her towards the grandfather clock exit* Riiight.

Robin: *picks up a treat* Todd, do you have the slightest inkling of how bad these are for –

Red Robin: *grabs the treat from Damian’s hand* Do these have caffeine in ‘em? ‘Cause I could really use some right no–

Spoiler: *swipes the treat from Tim’s hand and is about to pop it into her mouth* Ha! Who’s stealthy no–

Nightwing: *gives Steph a gentle nudge as he walks back into the cave, causing her to lose her balance, then swiftly catches the fallen treat midair* So, we’re in big trouble, guys…

Red Hood: *chomping down on a candied skull* Just tell the Bart *chomp* nort to beer *chomp* surch a killjo–  

Alfred:

Red Hood: *mouth agape, with chewed-up skull chunks falling out of it*

Alfred: And who.

Red Robin: *picking crumbs up from the floor in a panic*

Alfred: Gave all of you.

Spoiler: *slowly reaching for her grapple hook and searching for a hole in the cave wall*

Alfred: Permission.

The Signal: *sneakily kicking the basket of treats under the Batmobile*

Alfred: To have dessert before supper?

Robin: -Tt-

Alfred: *slowly turns to look at @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr ​ *

To be continued?

Tim: *turns on his boombox and tunes it to an 80s pop music station*

Tim: *gets up on the table and starts dancing the “running man”*

Bruce:

Dick:

Babs:

Jason:

Steph:

Cass:

Damian: -Tt-

Duke:

Alfred:

Tim: I’m rocking so much adrenaline right now! My blood is basically Red Bull!

Alfred: *nods at Jason*

Jason: *tackles Tim in the middle of the “cabbage patch”*

Alfred: *waits for the table to be cleared of his grandsons, then lays out breakfast entrèes for everyone*

– • – • – • – • –

Good morning from the Manor!

Mission briefing…

Batman: *clears his throat loudly* So unless anybody *glares at Tim for two whole seconds* has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we’re gonna stick with: the Warthog. How about it, Tim?

Red Robin: Nope. No more suggestions.

Batman: Hn. Okay, now if you’ll all –

Red Hood: *blurting out* Are you sure? How ‘bout “Big Foot”?

Red Robin: *gritting his teeth* It’s okay.

Nightwing: *trying to stifle his laughter* “Unicorn”?

Red Robin: *gripping his bo staff tighter* No, really. I’m… I’m cool.

Robin: *smirking* “Sasquatch”?

The Signal: *elbowing Tim* “Leprechaun”?

Red Robin: *elbowing Duke back and getting really annoyed* Hey, he doesn’t need any help, guys.

Spoiler: *yelling as she enters the Batcave* “Phoenix”?

Red Robin: *sighs and rubs his face in frustration* Guys.

Batman: *grinning* Barbara, what’s the name of that Mexican lizard? Eats all the goats.

Batgirl: *sarcastically looking it up on the Batcomputer* Uh, that would be the Chupacabra, Bruce.

Orphan: *drops down from the ceiling* Tim, Chupa-thingy, how ’bout that? I like it. Got a ring to it.

Red Robin: *attempts to melt onto the Batcave floor*

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Breakfast at the Manor…

Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *

Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*

Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.

Duke:

Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*

Duke:

Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.

Jason: *turns his seat to face @rayanyamor*And you felt the need to point it out because…?

Alfred: *conficates Jason’s Pop-Tarts and starts passing out plates of blueberry waffles to everyone at the table* Young masters, I implore you to let our guest have breakfast in peace.

Jason: Alf, wha–

Tim: *pops coffee beans into his mouth* But it’s a legit question, though.

Damian: *climbs on top of the kitchen table and brings his face so close to @rayanyamor’s that they’re practically nose-to-nose* What makes you so sure that we weren’t referring to another Robin?

Dick: *walks into the kitchen already eating from a cereal box* Good morning, family! What’re we talking about now? And where’s Dune?

Me: *drags my hand down my face in anguish* It was a typo. A typo.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

Thank you, @rayanyamor !

Breakfast at the Manor…

Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *

Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*

Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.

Duke:

Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*

Duke:

Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.

a-wayne-at-heart:

a-wayne-at-heart:

My dream Batman canon issue: ALL the four Batboys (Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian) and Cass coming out of their respective bedrooms at the Manor in their sleep civvies, woken by the scent of Alfred’s cooking; each getting to the kitchen in his/her own Extra way, playfully but competitively shoving each other out of the way; Tim breaking off from the chaos to open the door, high-fiving/fist-bumping Duke and Luke as they file in; Babs arriving two minutes later, on the phone with Steph, telling the latter to come ASAP (breakfast is almost served); Kate coming in much later, amused by the loud morning chatter, nodding at Bruce, who’s seated at a kitchen stool, patting Titus on the head while Alfred the cat purrs on his lap.

I dunno. Something incredibly MUNDANE like this when Tim comes back. We already had Batburger, and that was lovely. Just… It would be great if they were ALL there.

Selina coming in through a second story window; Basil catching up with Cass and Harper, telling them how Jean-Paul’s meditating on a mountain somewhere so he can’t make it, while Alfred mops up his clay trail. Maybe Clark and Lois (literally) flying in to drop Jon off for a sleepover with Damian.

Too much to ask?

Just came across some thoughts I had a while back.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

tmntchickadee:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Superman: *clears his throat*

Batman:

Superman: *gets out of the Batmobile*

Batman:

Superman: *awkwardly pats the roof* Well. That was a long, silent car ride. Now I know how Dick feels.

You know any of his children would have music blaring and talking whether he contributes or not

Nightwing: *bops his head and taps his fingers on the dashboard to the beat of NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me”*

Nightwing: *takes an earphone out of his ear* What was that?

Batman:

Nightwing:

Batman:

Nightwing:

Batman: *clears his throat*

Nightwing: Oh, I thought I saw your mouth move.

Nightwing: *jams the earphone back in* A man can dream.

Nightwing: *checks the digital map and sighs* Five miles to gooo. Why do supervillain lairs have to be so far?

Batman:

Batman: Sync with bluetooth, code “A37”.

NSYNC: *starts blaring on the Batmobile speakers*

Nightwing: *takes off both earphones and grins at Bruce*

Batman: *grins*

Red Hood: *gets in and slams the Batmobile door excitedly* Thanks for picking me up, Big Bro *takes off his helmet and shakes his hair dry* Some kid from Crime Alley stole one of my tires, pretty impressive, actually – *rummaging through his jacket pockets for a USB drive* Plus there’s this cool new album that Roy wants us to check out, so turn that 90’s boyband crap off for just a sec – Hey, want me to transfer to the – the –

Red Hood: *finally notices Batman on the passenger seat and sullenly says* Yo.

Batman: *grunts*

Red Hood: *rolls his eyes*

Nightwing: *sees his brother’s reflection on the rearview mirror and grins* If I’d told you, would you have gotten in?

Red Hood: *muttering* Tss. Could’ve walked home. I have safehouses everywhere.

Nightwing: *cups an ear* What was that?

Red Hood: *crosses his arms* Nothing! Just shut up and drive.

Nightwing: *smirks*

Red Hood:

Batman:

Red Hood: Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be –

Batman:

Red Hood: *looks out the window* Never mind.

Batman:

Nightwing:

Red Hood: *tapping his foot awkwardly* Sooo… You let Golden Boy drive this thing. Neat.

Batman:

Nightwing: *trying to stifle a giggle*

Red Hood: Dick, you can just drop me off right here –

Batman: No.

Red Hood: *frowns*

Batman: *extends a palm towards Jason* The drive.

Red Hood:

Red Hood: *reluctantly drops it on Bruce’s palm*

Batman: *plugs it into the console*

Nightwing: *to the Comm Link, smiling from ear to ear* Alfred? Yeah. Extra plate on the dinner table, please.

Thirteen songs from “Harper’s Mix” later…

Nightwing: So lemme get this straight: You were just on my case for listening to 90′s music, and now you’re going gaga over –

Red Hood: *skips to the next track* Ssh, Goldie. This one?

Batman: *listens to the intro for 1.5 seconds*

Batman: “Unchained Melody”. 1955. Todd Duncan –

Red Hood: Wow.

Nightwing: Don’t you mean the Righteous Brothers?

Batman: – sang the vocals for the film “Unchained”.

Red Hood: You are officially old.

Batman: *grinning wistfully* My mother used to hum it to me.

Nightwing:

Red Hood:

Batman: *still grinning wistfully*

Red Hood: *clears his throat* That’s, um, swell. Hey, if you get this next one, I’ll concede and declare you King of –

Radio: *skipping tracks randomly*

Red Hood: What the –

Radio: *rewinds and fast-forwards by itself, then plays “Basket Case” by Green Day*

Red Hood: That wasn’t even on there!

Radio: *in a chipmunk voice* Jason Peter Todd, also known as the Red Hood, we summon you –

Red Hood: *points a gun at the console* AaaAArRggh –

Nightwing: *swerving the Batmobile slightly* Calm down, Little Wing!

Batman: Timothy, enough.

Radio: *erupts into belly laughter*

Radio: *wheezing* Y-you sh-should’ve seen your face, Jay. *sighs contentedly* What time are you guys getting here? I’m bored and hungry.

Red Hood: And dead meat. *crushes the tiny camera suctioned to the window*

Radio: Yeah, yeah. Drive faster, Dick –

Alfred [in the background]: Absolutely not!

Radio: You heard the man. Red Robin out! *static*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Happy to, @mysticalmeowler.​ 

Red Robin: *sinking deeper into the passenger seat of the Batmobile*

Red Robin: *sighs contentedly* Just me and the Batman. It’s been a while, huh? Remind me again why I haven’t been hitching a sweet, sweet ride with you these past few months?

Batman:

Red Robin: Could it be because of your endearing silence? Nah. It can’t be that. We both enjoy it.

Batman: *smirks*

Red Robin: Perhaps I simply don’t need to? I mean, the Redbird’s great and all, but this is the freakin’ Batmobile.

Batman: *fondly shakes his head ever-so-subtly that if you blinked you’d have missed it*

Red Robin: *presses a button on the dashboard, opening a compartment full of CDs* How about your nostalgia for… outdated tech?

Batman: *gives him a pointed look*

Red Robin: *holds his hands up as if in surrender* Hey, no judgement.

Batman: *swiftly swerves the Batmobile into a dark alley*

Red Robin: What *going through the CDs* do we have *takes a couple out* here?

Batman:

Red Robin: “Cassandra’s Ballet Recital”. Neat. Did you get to see it?

Batman: *nods fondly*

Red Robin: Me, too. I was in the middle of chasing a killer android, though, so I had to watch it from the rooftop of the opera house.

Red Robin: *rummaging* Hmm. “Dick’s Mix” – way to be creative, Richard – “Classical Concertos for Teens” – which I assume belongs to the brat – “Suicide Squad” film soundtrack – Jason’s current obsession –

Red Robin: Is this Duke’s? *holds up a yellow-colored CD* I’m taking this *stuffs it into his backpack* I dig his jam – “Oracle” – Wait, wait, wait… Don’t tell me –

Batman: She doesn’t know –

Red Robin: *already stuffing it into his backpack* Mine! Just in case, y’know, I need to blackmail either of you. Her voice is pretty awesome, though. Watchtower acoustics really did her a favor.

Batman: *nods in agreement*

Red Robin: *back to rummaging* What else, what else… “Cats”? Really, Bruce? Is Selina even into broadway?

Batman: *shrugs*

Red Robin: “Clark’s Country Playlist”. Superman carpools to warzones with you?

Batman: I play it here, he listens from above. Says it helps him focus.

Red Robin: *rubbing his chin* Maybe I could try that with Kon… 

Red Robin: “Purple Haze” – witty, Steph, but I don’t think you even knows who Jimi Hendrix is – “Oldies but Goodies” – which is, coincidentally, Alfie’s name on my phone, ha ha – *reaches the bottom of the compartment*

Red Robin: I guess… that’s got it.

Batman: Tim…

Red Robin: *staring blankly ahead* I remember now –

Batman: Tim, I –

Red Robin: We were on the way to the Iceberg Lounge to bust Penguin and his crew, and I was getting so pumped that I jammed my CD into the player, but you took it out 10 seconds into “London Calling”, crushed my CD with one freakin’ hand, and threw it out –

Batman: *swerves the Batmobile to a stop* Red Robin –

Red Robin: – then we got into some argument over how stupid my music was, so I got out and – and –

Batman: TIM.

Red Robin: What?!

Batman: We’re here.

Red Robin: *sighs wearily and grabs his bo staff from the backseat* Yeah, okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go kick some criminal butt. 

Batman: You won’t need that.

Red Robin: *frowning in confusion* What? *looks out the window* And why are we at the Wayne Memorial Theater?

Batman: I asked Lucius to help me put a little something together.

Red Robin: I don’t –

Batman: It’s not that I didn’t like your music, Tim. Just… bad mood, bad timing.

Red Robin: … The anniversary of your parents’ death.   

Batman: *nods solemnly*

Red Robin: Bruce, I…

Batman: I hope you still like “London Calling”.

Red Robin: Yeah, but –

Batman: Because we’re about to watch a 4D screening of The Clash in concert.

Red Robin: We’re not… patrolling?

Batman: How else was I supposed to get you to hitch a sweet, sweet ride with me?

Red Robin: *haphazardly wiping tears from his eyes* Wow. Great timing, allergies.

Batman: *ruffles Tim’s hair* Let’s go, son.

Robin: *puts his backpack on the backseat of the Batmobile, does a last minute check of its contents, and sits on the passenger seat*

Robin: You and Kent’s dad don’t need to linger, Father. Just drop us off at our HQ and be on your way.

Batman:

Robin: *checking the contents of his utility belt compartments one by one* Oh, wait! Pennyworth forgot the – Oh, no, he didn’t – Shurikens, grappling hooks, brass knuckles – Ugh! These dumb chocolate-covered “gummy bears” that Superboy insists I carry with me – *doesn’t notice a USB drive fall from one of them*

Batman: *picks up the said USB drive* Hn.

Robin: *still talking more to himself than to Bruce* – and I’m fairly certain that I’ve sufficiently sharpened my knives, unless Todd’s device was subpar –

USB drive: *with the phrase “bearable noise” scribbled on its surface*

Robin: – make sure to feed Goliath before releasing him. He knows which island we’ll be on and will follow as previously instructed –

Batman: *plugs it into the console*

Speakers: *start playing… a lullabye*

Robin: – and tell Drake to stay out of –

Robin: 

Robin: *angrily disconnects the drive and slumps down on his seat* You weren’t supposed to hear that.

Batman: Damian, I –

Robin: *looks out the window* No one is supposed to hear that.

Robin: *muttering* Stupid, stupid *while banging his head against the headrest*

Batman:

Batman: *reaches out to block Damian’s head* I’m sorry, son.

Robin: *slaps his hand away*Just drive.

Batman:

Robin:

Batman:

Robin:

Robin: *quietly* When I slept over at the farm, Mrs. Kent sang it to Jon while she was putting him to bed.

Batman: *glances at him*

Robin: It was annoying.

Robin: Childish.

Robin: *lip quivering* Weak.

Robin: *covers his face with his arms and bends over his knees, his body trembling* 

Batman: *places a hand on his back* You’re not any of that, son.

Batman: But once in a while, it’s okay to be all of it.

Robin: *looks up at his father and wipes his eyes with his cape, sniffling*

Batman: *reaches for the USB drive where it fell near the console and plugs it back in*

Speakers: *play the lullabye again*

Batman: Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve listened to something this relaxing.

Robin: *takes one last look at his father before looking out the window, glassy-eyed and grinning*

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

@tmntchickadee , thanks for the idea. As you can see, I, um, ran with it. I was going for funny, but I think it ended up more “therapeutic”. I love music. It’s intimate. It can help heal. And I wanted each of my favorite Batkids to have a moment that’s uniquely theirs with their father. (Bruce could use them, too.)

Sincerely,

a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

tmntchickadee:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Superman: *clears his throat*

Batman:

Superman: *gets out of the Batmobile*

Batman:

Superman: *awkwardly pats the roof* Well. That was a long, silent car ride. Now I know how Dick feels.

You know any of his children would have music blaring and talking whether he contributes or not

Nightwing: *bops his head and taps his fingers on the dashboard to the beat of NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me”*

Nightwing: *takes an earphone out of his ear* What was that?

Batman:

Nightwing:

Batman:

Nightwing:

Batman: *clears his throat*

Nightwing: Oh, I thought I saw your mouth move.

Nightwing: *jams the earphone back in* A man can dream.

Nightwing: *checks the digital map and sighs* Five miles to gooo. Why do supervillain lairs have to be so far?

Batman:

Batman: Sync with bluetooth, code “A37”.

NSYNC: *starts blaring on the Batmobile speakers*

Nightwing: *takes off both earphones and grins at Bruce*

Batman: *grins*

Red Hood: *gets in and slams the Batmobile door excitedly* Thanks for picking me up, Big Bro *takes off his helmet and shakes his hair dry* Some kid from Crime Alley stole one of my tires, pretty impressive, actually – *rummaging through his jacket pockets for a USB drive* Plus there’s this cool new album that Roy wants us to check out, so turn that 90’s boyband crap off for just a sec – Hey, want me to transfer to the – the –

Red Hood: *finally notices Batman on the passenger seat and sullenly says* Yo.

Batman: *grunts*

Red Hood: *rolls his eyes*

Nightwing: *sees his brother’s reflection on the rearview mirror and grins* If I’d told you, would you have gotten in?

Red Hood: *muttering* Tss. Could’ve walked home. I have safehouses everywhere.

Nightwing: *cups an ear* What was that?

Red Hood: *crosses his arms* Nothing! Just shut up and drive.

Nightwing: *smirks*

Red Hood:

Batman:

Red Hood: Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be –

Batman:

Red Hood: *looks out the window* Never mind.

Batman:

Nightwing:

Red Hood: *tapping his foot awkwardly* Sooo… You let Golden Boy drive this thing. Neat.

Batman:

Nightwing: *trying to stifle a giggle*

Red Hood: Dick, you can just drop me off right here –

Batman: No.

Red Hood: *frowns*

Batman: *extends a palm towards Jason* The drive.

Red Hood:

Red Hood: *reluctantly drops it on Bruce’s palm*

Batman: *plugs it into the console*

Nightwing: *to the Comm Link, smiling from ear to ear* Alfred? Yeah. Extra plate on the dinner table, please.

Thirteen songs from “Harper’s Mix” later…

Nightwing: So lemme get this straight: You were just on my case for listening to 90′s music, and now you’re going gaga over –

Red Hood: *skips to the next track* Ssh, Goldie. This one?

Batman: *listens to the intro for 1.5 seconds*

Batman: “Unchained Melody”. 1955. Todd Duncan –

Red Hood: Wow.

Nightwing: Don’t you mean the Righteous Brothers?

Batman: – sang the vocals for the film “Unchained”.

Red Hood: You are officially old.

Batman: *grinning wistfully* My mother used to hum it to me.

Nightwing:

Red Hood:

Batman: *still grinning wistfully*

Red Hood: *clears his throat* That’s, um, swell. Hey, if you get this next one, I’ll concede and declare you King of –

Radio: *skipping tracks randomly*

Red Hood: What the –

Radio: *rewinds and fast-forwards by itself, then plays “Basket Case” by Green Day*

Red Hood: That wasn’t even on there!

Radio: *in a chipmunk voice* Jason Peter Todd, also known as the Red Hood, we summon you –

Red Hood: *points a gun at the console* AaaAArRggh –

Nightwing: *swerving the Batmobile slightly* Calm down, Little Wing!

Batman: Timothy, enough.

Radio: *erupts into belly laughter*

Radio: *wheezing* Y-you sh-should’ve seen your face, Jay. *sighs contentedly* What time are you guys getting here? I’m bored and hungry.

Red Hood: And dead meat. *crushes the tiny camera suctioned to the window*

Radio: Yeah, yeah. Drive faster, Dick –

Alfred [in the background]: Absolutely not!

Radio: You heard the man. Red Robin out! *static*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Happy to, @mysticalmeowler.​ 

Red Robin: *sinking deeper into the passenger seat of the Batmobile*

Red Robin: *sighs contentedly* Just me and the Batman. It’s been a while, huh? Remind me again why I haven’t been hitching a sweet, sweet ride with you these past few months?

Batman:

Red Robin: Could it be because of your endearing silence? Nah. It can’t be that. We both enjoy it.

Batman: *smirks*

Red Robin: Perhaps I simply don’t need to? I mean, the Redbird’s great and all, but this is the freakin’ Batmobile.

Batman: *fondly shakes his head ever-so-subtly that if you blinked you’d have missed it*

Red Robin: *presses a button on the dashboard, opening a compartment full of CDs* How about your nostalgia for… outdated tech?

Batman: *gives him a pointed look*

Red Robin: *holds his hands up as if in surrender* Hey, no judgement.

Batman: *swiftly swerves the Batmobile into a dark alley*

Red Robin: What *going through the CDs* do we have *takes a couple out* here?

Batman:

Red Robin: “Cassandra’s Ballet Recital”. Neat. Did you get to see it?

Batman: *nods fondly*

Red Robin: Me, too. I was in the middle of chasing a killer android, though, so I had to watch it from the rooftop of the opera house.

Red Robin: *rummaging* Hmm. “Dick’s Mix” – way to be creative, Richard – “Classical Concertos for Teens” – which I assume belongs to the brat – “Suicide Squad” film soundtrack – Jason’s current obsession –

Red Robin: Is this Duke’s? *holds up a yellow-colored CD* I’m taking this *stuffs it into his backpack* I dig his jam – “Oracle” – Wait, wait, wait… Don’t tell me –

Batman: She doesn’t know –

Red Robin: *already stuffing it into his backpack* Mine! Just in case, y’know, I need to blackmail either of you. Her voice is pretty awesome, though. Watchtower acoustics really did her a favor.

Batman: *nods in agreement*

Red Robin: *back to rummaging* What else, what else… “Cats”? Really, Bruce? Is Selina even into broadway?

Batman: *shrugs*

Red Robin: “Clark’s Country Playlist”. Superman carpools to warzones with you?

Batman: I play it here, he listens from above. Says it helps him focus.

Red Robin: *rubbing his chin* Maybe I could try that with Kon… 

Red Robin: “Purple Haze” – witty, Steph, but I don’t think you even knows who Jimi Hendrix is – “Oldies but Goodies” – which is, coincidentally, Alfie’s name on my phone, ha ha – *reaches the bottom of the compartment*

Red Robin: I guess… that’s got it.

Batman: Tim…

Red Robin: *staring blankly ahead* I remember now –

Batman: Tim, I –

Red Robin: We were on the way to the Iceberg Lounge to bust Penguin and his crew, and I was getting so pumped that I jammed my CD into the player, but you took it out 10 seconds into “London Calling”, crushed my CD with one freakin’ hand, and threw it out –

Batman: *swerves the Batmobile to a stop* Red Robin –

Red Robin: – then we got into some argument over how stupid my music was, so I got out and – and –

Batman: TIM.

Red Robin: What?!

Batman: We’re here.

Red Robin: *sighs wearily and grabs his bo staff from the backseat* Yeah, okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go kick some criminal butt. 

Batman: You won’t need that.

Red Robin: *frowning in confusion* What? *looks out the window* And why are we at the Wayne Memorial Theater?

Batman: I asked Lucius to help me put a little something together.

Red Robin: I don’t –

Batman: It’s not that I didn’t like your music, Tim. Just… bad mood, bad timing.

Red Robin: … The anniversary of your parents’ death.   

Batman: *nods solemnly*

Red Robin: Bruce, I…

Batman: I hope you still like “London Calling”.

Red Robin: Yeah, but –

Batman: Because we’re about to watch a 4D screening of The Clash in concert.

Red Robin: We’re not… patrolling?

Batman: How else was I supposed to get you to hitch a sweet, sweet ride with me?

Red Robin: *haphazardly wiping tears from his eyes* Wow. Great timing, allergies.

Batman: *ruffles Tim’s hair* Let’s go, son.