Red Hood: *leans on a wall and slides down into a cross-legged, sitting position*
Red Hood: *checks his watch, sighs, puts down his binoculars and taps a foot impatiently against the rooftop floor*
Red Hood: *takes out his phone, opens incorrect-batfamily-quotes on Tumblr and scrolls through the “big brother of the year” tag*
Red Hood: *chuckles* I would totally do that. *browses* Yup, Timbo needs to sleep. *checks out the comments* That’s… nice. *looks to the sky as if he could use it to talk to someone from another Earth* Thanks… whoever you are. *scrunches his nose* And apparently… there’s a lot of you who think that I’m not too bad…
Red Hood: *gets up in a half a second flat, guns drawn*
Red Robin: *holding his hands up in surrender* Relax, relax. It’s just me.
Black Bat: *soundlessly stepping out of a dark corner* And me.
Nightwing: *hanging upside down and covering the eyeholes on Jason’s helmet* Aaaaand your favorite older brother.
Red Hood: *peeling Dick’s blue-striped fingers off* Look, I don’t give a bat’s butt what the old man said, I’m taking this case –
Robin: *jumps down from behind a gargoyle and throws his hands up in frustration* What took you so long, Todd?! This whole day has been wasted waiting for you!
Red Hood: – gonna freakin’ bring down those lowlives who took Kori no matter what it – Wait, wait. What exactly is going on here?
Nightwing: *smiling excitedly* There is no case, Little Wing.
Red Hood: I don’t –
Spoiler: *swings in from a nearby rooftop*Is he here?Did he buy –Oh, hey, Jay! Starfire’s giggling her orange-y, little head off watching you right now. *points to a hidden camera in a crevice*
Red Hood: WHAT? But the leads –
Red Robin: Were made up. I hacked into your personal satellite. Sent some signals here and there, bada-bing-bada-boom.
Red Hood: How is all this even – I can’t – How’d you guys get past me?
Batgirl: *rappelling from the Batjet with Duke* Because we helped them, duh. It was the only way to get you to come here today.
Red Hood: *takes his helmet off and rubs his face in utter confusion* I followed those leads for three weeks! I mean, Artemis and Bizarro –
Artemis: *lands on the rooftop on Bizarro’s back, shrugs and hands her sword to Damian, who greedily grabs it* Just pretended to be pissed that you had to leave for your “mission”.
Bizarro: We not sad Red Him gone!
The Signal: So does he mean he was or… ?
Red Hood: If this is some kind of *doing air-quotation marks* intervention, you tell that arrogant, self-righteous, emotionally –
Batman: – inept, leather-clad furry that it won’t work.
Red Hood:
Batman: I’d like to give it a try anyway.
Red Hood: But we… we’re supposed to… we hate each other…
Batman: *grins and ruffles Jason’s hair* Hn. Don’t believe everything you read, kid.
Red Hood: *grins sheepishly back*
The Signal: *looks around for secret passageways on the rooftop and whispers to Tim* Where’d the boss even come from?
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: *clears his throat loudly* If you’re all quite finished, the rest of your family and friends – *muffled* Mr. Harper, once again, that vase is a family heirloom and was never intended for target practice – are waiting.
Batman: Let’s get you home.
Red Hood: Right. I’m starving.
Alfred: Please do hurry up. The candles can only stay up for so long.
Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
Jason: *turns his seat to face @rayanyamor*And you felt the need to point it out because…?
Alfred: *conficates Jason’s Pop-Tarts and starts passing out plates of blueberry waffles to everyone at the table* Young masters, I implore you to let our guest have breakfast in peace.
Jason: Alf, wha–
Tim: *pops coffee beans into his mouth* But it’s a legit question, though.
Damian: *climbs on top of the kitchen table and brings his face so close to @rayanyamor’s that they’re practically nose-to-nose* What makes you so sure that we weren’t referring to another Robin?
Dick: *walks into the kitchen already eating from a cereal box* Good morning, family! What’re we talking about now? And where’s Dune?
Me: *drags my hand down my face in anguish* It was a typo. A typo.
Alfred: *throws hands up in exasperation as the five-course dinner he prepared grows cold* Well, the boys are off. I wonder where they went.
Bruce: Out of town.
Alfred: How do you know, Master Bruce?
Bruce: I told them not to.
Jason: *oblivious to the remnants of the scrumptuous five-course meal he just devoured hanging off the corner of his mouth as realization dawns on him* Son of a bat…
Dick: Right?
Tim: It didn’t seem suspicious to you? At all?
Damian: -Tt- Reverse psychology. I wouldn’t put it past Father.
Duke: Or is it reverse-reverse psychology… ?
Alfred: *grinning smugly while placing a slice of homemade blueberry mousse in front of each of them* Does it really matter, young masters?
Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 