When you’re weary from patrol and craving for some shut-eye only to find intruders in your safe house…
Red Hood: …
Nightwing: *rummaging through the cabinets*
Red Robin: *installing security cameras in the living room*
Robin: *examining the samurai swords hanging on the wall*
Red Hood: I gave you my passcode for emergencies.
Robin:
Red Robin:
Nightwing: We were out of Doritos.
When you overstay your welcome at Red Hood’s safe house…
Jason: *hopping over mounds of bloody patrol suits and broken weapons while picking up dirty dishes*
Tim and Damian: *playing Injustice 2 on Xbox while yelling threats at each other*
Dick: *pouring milk on his cereal and spilling some on the carpet*
Jason: I don’t know when I became a dad to three lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning this place up, top to bottom!
Dick: Hey, we don’t even live here!
Jason: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?
When you overstay your welcome at Red Hood’s safe house…
Jason: *hopping over mounds of bloody patrol suits and broken weapons while picking up dirty dishes*
Tim and Damian: *playing Injustice 2 on Xbox while yelling threats at each other*
Dick: *pouring milk on his cereal and spilling some on the carpet*
Jason: I don’t know when I became a dad to three lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning this place up, top to bottom!
Dick: Hey, we don’t even live here!
Jason: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?
When you show up at the Batcave unannounced after having been “estranged” from your adoptive father for a while…
Nightwing:
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman: *goes back to typing on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: Good! Let bygones be bygones. Maybe you want to hug it out or bump fists?
Batman: No. Let’s just work on the case.
Jason: Why do you dress like that?
Dick: It’s my style.
Jason: It’s not a style, it’s a bad habit.
Jason [to the bartender]: Can I get a strawberry daiquiri?
Dick: *spits out his beer* Did you say “strawberry daiquiri”?
Jason: I am comfortable in my manhood, brother.
Dick: Oh, yes, you are. Deep dish pizzas, strawberry daiquiris. You like the finer things in life.
Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*
Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*
Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine*
Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*
Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*
Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*
Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*
Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*
Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*
Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.
Alfred: *grins and walks away*
Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*
Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*
Family Patrol Night…
Batman: I will go in and do this quietly.
Red Hood: Well, if that doesn’t work, we will come in to make some noise. *cocks guns*
Nightwing: *lights up escrima sticks*
Red Robin: *twirls bo staff*
Robin: *brandishes sword*
Bonus:
Superman: *hovers and winks*
Bruce, what made you even think that they’d stay behind?
When you realize that maybe it isn’t a good idea to pair up your two younger brothers for patrol just yet…
Red Robin and Robin: *storm into the Batcave, shoving each other out of the way, and immediately head to opposite directions*
Red Robin: *swearing angrily under his breath*
Robin: -Tt-
Nightwing: Um…
Red Robin: *glowers at Damian while stripping off his uniform*
Robin: *hisses at Tim, grabs Alfred the Cat, and goes upstairs to his bedroom*
Nightwing: So…
Red Robin: The brat followed me home. Can we keep him? Can we keep him? Say no, Dick!
Batman: *rubs the bridge of his nose wearily*
Batman: I think you might be right.
Nightwing: That’s very good news! Care to elaborate?
Don’t push it, Richard.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 