incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*

Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*

Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*

Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine* 

Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*

Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*

Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*

Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*

Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*

Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*

Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.

Alfred: *grins and walks away*

Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*

Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*

Batman: I just don’t want you to lie to me, Dick. I don’t want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you?

Nightwing: Yup. *with an extra pop on the ‘p’*

Batman:

Batman: I just don’t want you to.

Post-traning session at the Manor…

Nightwing: *trying to catch his breath and wiping sweat off his face*

Red Hood: *examining his broken helmet while holding an ice pack against his temple*

Red Robin: *throwing his halved bo staff into the fireplace*

Nightwing [to Robin]: In everyone’s defense, I think the most worthy opponent of yours is… you.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

Well, since your sisters were out shopping during this whole ordeal, one cannot say that with absolute certainty.

Family Patrol Night…

Nightwing and Red Robin: *watching Red Hood “interrogate” a criminal*

Nightwing: Uhhh… I think Jason may have snapped.

Red Robin: Or maybe he’s just stuck in character.

Nightwing: Which is worse? Snapped or stuck?

Red Robin: Both. They’re both worse.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

Someone rescue that thug.

When Alfred leaves for a vacation…

Dick: *scouring the kitchen cabinets for cereal*

Jason: He left some snacks in the freezer for us.

Damian: You mean the frozen mice for the piranha?

Jason: No, the blueberry slurpy pouch.

Tim [to Dick]: *rolls his eyes* He means the ice pack.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

They must’ve missed the note Alfie stuck on the freezer door: “Young masters, for when you are incapable of behaving yourselves and are in need something to put over your or your brother’s black eye.”

Family Patrol Night…

Nightwing: *stares questioningly at his brothers after hearing about a mission gone awry*

Red Robin: *wiping soot off his face and picking shrapnel from his uniform* Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum over there.

Red Hood: *scraping dried mud off his combat boots*

Robin: *throwing the shards that used to be his sword into a garbage can* -Tt-

Nightwing: Uh… Who are they?

Red Robin and Robin: THEY’RE BOTH JASON!

Family Patrol Night…

Nightwing: *stares questioningly at his brothers after hearing about a mission gone awry*

Red Robin: *wiping soot off his face and picking shrapnel from his uniform* Chalk that one up to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum over there.

Red Hood: *scraping dried mud off his combat boots*

Robin: *throwing the shards that used to be his sword into a garbage can* -Tt-

Nightwing: Uh… Who are they?

Red Robin and Robin: THEY’RE BOTH JASON!