Jason: *does an “Abort! Abort!” gesture with his hand*
Damian: Unworthy.
Tim: *smirking and whispering to me* Just ignore him.
Damian: *to his brothers, indignant* Why do they get all the credit?
Me: Wha– Hey, it’s not like I don’t tag my sources! Besides it’s your family that they all really come here for. Right, @siriuslyimmortal? Tell ‘em, tell – @siriuslyimmortal?
Alfred: *leading @siriuslyimmortal out of the Batcave* As I’ve told you many a time, young masters, this is not how we treat our guests. Now, if you’ll excuse us, a tour of the Manor awaits. As does your father, who will be much amused to hear about this little incident.
Dick: *cheerfully* You can stay in my room! I’ve got all kinds of memorabilia from the sixties, which was a pretty interesting decade for Batman and me, but –
Jason: *backhand-slaps Dick on the chest* Lame. I have Collector’s Editions of novels from the eighteenth century on the floor-to-ceiling shelves in my room –
Tim: *elbows Jason in the ribs* Uh, you living away from us makes it mine, Jay, which also makes it the safest of the Robin rooms –
Damian: *pushes Tim aside* Do not subject yourself to the foul odors of their substandard quarters, @siriuslyimmortal! They cannot offer you the company of my beloved pets –
When Batman (inexplicably) asks Hellblazer to watch over his sons while he’s away on a mission…
Nightwing: *comes in through the front door of the Manor*
Hellblazer: Ah, the Golden Boy has returned. Release the doves!
Nightwing:Hi, Mr. Constantine.
Red Hood: *breaks a window in the foyer and climbs in*
Hellblazer:And you must be the second Robin. I have been thoroughly briefed on you and if you do one thing wrong, I’m going to go medieval on your arse.
When Batman (inexplicably) asks Hellblazer to watch over his sons while he’s away on a mission…
Nightwing: *comes in through the front door of the Manor*
Hellblazer: Ah, the Golden Boy has returned. Release the doves!
Nightwing:Hi, Mr. Constantine.
Red Hood: *breaks a window in the foyer and climbs in*
Hellblazer:And you must be the second Robin. I have been thoroughly briefed on you and if you do one thing wrong, I’m going to go medieval on your arse.
Red Hood: *leans on a wall and slides down into a cross-legged, sitting position*
Red Hood: *checks his watch, sighs, puts down his binoculars and taps a foot impatiently against the rooftop floor*
Red Hood: *takes out his phone, opens incorrect-batfamily-quotes on Tumblr and scrolls through the “big brother of the year” tag*
Red Hood: *chuckles* I would totally do that. *browses* Yup, Timbo needs to sleep. *checks out the comments* That’s… nice. *looks to the sky as if he could use it to talk to someone from another Earth* Thanks… whoever you are. *scrunches his nose* And apparently… there’s a lot of you who think that I’m not too bad…
Red Hood: *gets up in a half a second flat, guns drawn*
Red Robin: *holding his hands up in surrender* Relax, relax. It’s just me.
Black Bat: *soundlessly stepping out of a dark corner* And me.
Nightwing: *hanging upside down and covering the eyeholes on Jason’s helmet* Aaaaand your favorite older brother.
Red Hood: *peeling Dick’s blue-striped fingers off* Look, I don’t give a bat’s butt what the old man said, I’m taking this case –
Robin: *jumps down from behind a gargoyle and throws his hands up in frustration* What took you so long, Todd?! This whole day has been wasted waiting for you!
Red Hood: – gonna freakin’ bring down those lowlives who took Kori no matter what it – Wait, wait. What exactly is going on here?
Nightwing: *smiling excitedly* There is no case, Little Wing.
Red Hood: I don’t –
Spoiler: *swings in from a nearby rooftop*Is he here?Did he buy –Oh, hey, Jay! Starfire’s giggling her orange-y, little head off watching you right now. *points to a hidden camera in a crevice*
Red Hood: WHAT? But the leads –
Red Robin: Were made up. I hacked into your personal satellite. Sent some signals here and there, bada-bing-bada-boom.
Red Hood: How is all this even – I can’t – How’d you guys get past me?
Batgirl: *rappelling from the Batjet with Duke* Because we helped them, duh. It was the only way to get you to come here today.
Red Hood: *takes his helmet off and rubs his face in utter confusion* I followed those leads for three weeks! I mean, Artemis and Bizarro –
Artemis: *lands on the rooftop on Bizarro’s back, shrugs and hands her sword to Damian, who greedily grabs it* Just pretended to be pissed that you had to leave for your “mission”.
Bizarro: We not sad Red Him gone!
The Signal: So does he mean he was or… ?
Red Hood: If this is some kind of *doing air-quotation marks* intervention, you tell that arrogant, self-righteous, emotionally –
Batman: – inept, leather-clad furry that it won’t work.
Red Hood:
Batman: I’d like to give it a try anyway.
Red Hood: But we… we’re supposed to… we hate each other…
Batman: *grins and ruffles Jason’s hair* Hn. Don’t believe everything you read, kid.
Red Hood: *grins sheepishly back*
The Signal: *looks around for secret passageways on the rooftop and whispers to Tim* Where’d the boss even come from?
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: *clears his throat loudly* If you’re all quite finished, the rest of your family and friends – *muffled* Mr. Harper, once again, that vase is a family heirloom and was never intended for target practice – are waiting.
Batman: Let’s get you home.
Red Hood: Right. I’m starving.
Alfred: Please do hurry up. The candles can only stay up for so long.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I hope I’m not too late… Happy birthday, Jay!
Alfred: *walks into the Batcave with a tray of cookies*
Alfred: *watches as a thick, sticky, white substance drops from the ceiling and onto the tray*
Alfred: *sighs deeply* Is this absolutely necessary, Master Bruce?
Batman: *yelling from the ground floor while making a few adjustments to a vehicle* I thought it would brighten the cave up.
Alfred: *looks up at crevices on the ceiling* And where, may I ask, did you find this many of them?
Batman:
Batman: Uh –
Alfred: *throws the guano-contaminated cookies into a trash bin* MASTER DAMIAN. *speed-walks out of the cave*
Nightwing: *getting off his motorcycle after it screeches to a halt* He is not gonna wanna see that room. *looks up* I like what you’ve done with the place. The yellow against all the black? *kisses his fingertips* Magnificent.
Batman: *grins* @fleetof-fandoms’ idea. You’ll have to send them a package for me.
Nightwing: Yeaaaah… I don’t think a bumblebee-colored Batmobile qualifies as a package-package, but sure, I’ll drive it over.
Damian: -Tt-
Dick: Be nice, Little D.
Damian: Pathetic.
Jason: *does an “Abort! Abort!” gesture with his hand*
Damian: Unworthy.
Tim: *smirking and whispering to me* Just ignore him.
Damian: *to his brothers, indignant* Why do they get all the credit?
Me: Wha– Hey, it’s not like I don’t tag my sources! Besides it’s your family that they all really come here for. Right, @siriuslyimmortal? Tell ‘em, tell – @siriuslyimmortal?
Alfred: *leading @siriuslyimmortal out of the Batcave* As I’ve told you many a time, young masters, this is not how we treat our guests. Now, if you’ll excuse us, a tour of the Manor awaits. As does your father, who will be much amused to hear about this little incident.
Dick: *cheerfully* You can stay in my room! I’ve got all kinds of memorabilia from the sixties, which was a pretty interesting decade for Batman and me, but –
Jason: *backhand-slaps Dick on the chest* Lame. I have Collector’s Editions of novels from the eighteenth century on the floor-to-ceiling shelves in my room –
Tim: *elbows Jason in the ribs* Uh, you living away from us makes it mine, Jay, which also makes it the safest of the Robin rooms –
Damian: *pushes Tim aside* Do not subject yourself to the foul odors of their substandard quarters, @siriuslyimmortal! They cannot offer you the company of my beloved pets –
(Received some comissions request on instagram, currently working on it, I may open a few comissions slots on tumblr too since I still got some free time before the end of summer!)
Legit.
After proposing his strategy for capturing a supervillain to the family…
Red Hood: *smiles smugly and lights up a cigarette*
Nightwing: Jay, you’re brilliant!
Red Hood: *takes a drag* Of course I am. Why is everyone always surprised by that?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 