Dick [about Bruce]: “Clingy”? He called me “clingy”?
Tim: *nods*
Dick: Damn.
Dick: I’ve got to call him to make sure everything’s okay.
Tag: dick grayson
Family Meeting
Dick: Welcome to the family, Duke!
Dick: There’s a few important things you need to know as you’re taking this exciting new step in your life!
Duke [whispering]: Why does he sound like a college tour guide?
Barbara [whispering]: Shh. Just let him have this.
Dick: First requirement for any Robin–
Duke: I’m not a Robin, though–
Dick: First requirement for any Robin is a tragic backstory. Do YOU have a tragic backstory?
Steph: Aw, great. Now he sounds like Dora the Explorer.
Tim: This entire conversation is a tragic backstory.
Duke: Uh…
Dick: Don’t wanna talk about it? That’s perfectly fine! We’ll wring it out of ya sooner or later, buddy! Second thing you need are ‘Daddy Issues’.
Jason [deadpan]: If you don’t have any, some will be provided for you.
Tim [equally deadpan]: Just spend an hour with Bruce.
Steph: Yeah, why d’you think Dami’s so messed up?
Damian: Hey!
Duke: What? No, I love my–
Dick: The third thing every Robin needs is ‘patience’. I need to know that if I drag you out of bed at 3am for a late-night dance party, you won’t be annoyed. I need to know that if Tim’s using your helmet as a coffee mug, and if Steph paints your suit purple, and if Jason asks you for cash twelve times in a row–
Jason: Man’s gotta eat.
Steph: You literally spend it all on Sour Patch gummies.
Jason: Yeah. So?
Dick: –that you can take it. And take it in stride. Do you think you have what it takes, Robin Number Six?
Duke: I’m not a Robin, man.
Steph: Oh ho. Is that right?
Steph: Well, then. Do you prance around in ridiculously bright tights?
Duke: They’re not–I don’t…um.
Barbara: Do you always do what Bruce says?
Duke: That’s not–
Damian: Even though you may secretly resent it?
Duke: Well–
Tim: Do you spend your free nights staring at the ceiling as you have another existential crisis about your place in the world and what would happen if one day you just finally snapped?
The others:
Duke:
Duke: Um. No, to that one.
Dick: Yeah, same here. BUT. Do you ever have an inexplicable urge to drive the Batmobile?
Duke: I…actually…
Jason: Do you dish out quips with the best of ’em?
Duke: Yeah, man. I guess. But…
Tim [leaning forward]: Then you are. You are Robin.
Jason [mumbling]: One of us…One of us…
Dick: ONE OF US
Steph: ONE OF US
Damian: One of us.
Tim: ONE OF US
Jason: ONE OF US
Barbara: Don’t worry, Duke. If these guys are freaking you out too much, you could always come and be a Batgirl.
Cass: *nods*
Duke: *facepalms*
Alfred: Alright, everyone. I have the cookies that were requested.
Everyone: YAY!!!
Duke [pulling out his phone as the others devour the treats]: Siri, do the voice log thing.
SIRI: Recording now.
Duke: *sighs* Day forty-seven. I have yet to find a successful escape route. My prospects are looking grim…
*giggling*
Helping your little brother prepare for his first school play be like…
Dick: Dami, we think we can help you with your stage fright.
Damian: Oh, I doubt that. I haven’t figured out a way, and I’m much smarter than all of you.
Tim: Yes, but you’re not smarter than all of us put together.
Damian: I’m sorry. That is what I meant.
Rescuing your brother who’s been stranded in the jungle for five weeks be like…
Nightwing: *hugs Tim* You’re so brave, little brother. I’m proud of you.
Red Robin: *staring blankly* I ate a butterfly. It was so small, so beautiful… I was so hungry.
Those oh-so-rare family camping trips be like…
Jason: *loading tents, sleeping bags, backpacks and concealed weapons into the Batvan*
Damian: *securing Batcow’s trailer*
Dick: *staring questioningly at Tim while applying sunblock on his face*
Tim: *carrying case files in one hand and a coffee mug in the other* I don’t know why you guys can’t go without me and just Photoshop me in.
Dick: When are you gonna take time to be a kid?
Damian: In my mid-20’s, like you.
Dick: I’d ask Bruce to ground you for that, but then I wouldn’t have anyone to play with.
Nightwing: Are you ready to take one for the family?
Red Hood: I’ve already made myself absolutely clear that I’m not a part of this family.
Red Hood: … But fine.
Dick: …
Tim: *two black eyes and a broken arm*
Damian: *three missing teeth*
Dick: *sighs and gestures to two chairs in front of him*
Dick: Why don’t you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I’ll explain to you why you’re both wrong.
Dick: You smited somebody?
Damian: Smote. The past tense of smite is smote.
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