Bruce: Have I ever told you that you’re my favorite Robin?
Dick: Bruuuuce. Come on!
Bruce: I think instinctively you must know…
Dick: I mean, it’s like…
Bruce: I mean you’ve gotten away with everything…
Dick: *giggles* Bruce, you don’t have to say that…
Bruce: You’ll always be my little bo–
Door: *thud thud thud*
Batman: *muffled* Nightwing, get up. It’s time for patrol.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And it had been such a nice dream, too.
When Batman’s sons come over to your city and you hear about it at work…
Lois: Hey, Smallville. There are a few developments. You might want to make some room on the front page.
Clark: *raises an eyebrow*
No need to worry, Superman. It’s just your nephews wreaking havoc on some Gotham City criminals who thought they could hide out in Metropolis.
HOSPITAL PATIENTS:
Dick:
- “Oh, those glass shards on my back? I get them all the time. No biggie. Hey, do you guys serve cereal?”
- The staff love checking him ou – er, checking up on him.
- Regales them with stories of past injuries, which none of them can believe are even possible (”Then how are you still alive?”)
Jason
- Fake ID (since, you know, legally dead and all)
- Wheeled into the hospital room by 5 AM, out through the window in a hospital gown and onto a waiting motorcycle by 5:15 AM
Tim:
- Double-checks every diagnosis and every medication and cross-references them with similar cases in the city (and occasionally schools whoever is unfortunate enough to check up on him)
- Who knows how pure liquid caffeine got injected into his IV bottle?
Damian:
- “You call this food? My father will buy this place!”
- Physical examination? You might as well put your hand inside a Tasmanian devil’s tunnel.
Just promoting original content from my other blog. 🙂
Oh, sorry. Timmy “schools whomever is unfortunate to check up on him”.
Barbara: Do you think it’s easy for me to see you with somebody else?
Dick: You know what? Hey – You’re the one who ended it! Remember?
Barbara: Yeah, because I was mad at you! Not because I stopped loving you!
Nightwing: Sometimes, when I don’t have any clean underwear, I go commando.
And that explains why Supergirl gets super red in the face during missions (and why his uniform’s so seamless).
Damian: *puts on noise-cancelling earphones after overhearing Bruce and Dick yelling at each other*
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: I hate it when father and father fight.
Batman: Don’t do that, Dick. Not that look. Please. Don’t give me the sad eyes.
Nightwing: Please?
Batman: No. I’m not looking. I’m driving.
Nightwing: Come oooon.
Batman: You were never able to do this look before Damian came along. What did he do to you?
Truth be told, Dick didn’t even realize that he’d been doing it, that his youngest brother’d been using it on him all along like the tiny master manipulator that he was, and that he’d picked up the habit.
Nightwing [to Batman]: When it comes to coaching, Phil Jackson has nothing on you. *finger guns*
Robin: *reviewing a case file on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: You believe that this guy hasn’t yet recovered emotionally because he’s incapable of finding a new safe house?
Red Robin: It doesn’t take a psychiatrist to know that one.
Red Hood: Standing right here, guys.
Bruce: My last will and testament is three hundred and twelve pages long.
Dick: Mine’s written on a sticky note. “Everything goes back to Batman.” But don’t worry, don’t worry. I used your real name to keep it legal.
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