Dick: *ticking things off his list* Batstagram announcement, posted… Cereal cupcakes, ordered… Bouncy Bat Castle from Wayne Tech, specifically blue, in production… Bat signal care of Commissioner Gordon, en route… Floral arrangements care of Ivy… Oh!
Dick: Bruce, can I invite some of the rogues?
Bruce: *grunts*
>>> *** <<<
Dick: I have to say, yours is gonna a be a bit challenging, Little Wing, but I still think we should go for it.
Jason: …
Dick: *counting with his fingers* There’s your birthday-birthday… Then the day Bruce took you in after you tried to steal his wheels… Then when he adopted you… Then the day you… Well, that day… Do you think we should include that? Or is that awkward? We could always just skip to you coming back to life, which is definitely worth celeb–
Jason: For the last time, Dick, get out of my room! *slams the bathroom door* I’m trying to take a dump in here!
Dick: Awkward it is.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *sitting at the foot of Tim’s bed* So, I was thinking, we could maybe get a thousand drones… Oh. No, that’s… a bit inappropriate. Nooo drones. *scratching “drones that form the words ‘Happy Adoption Day, Tim!‘” off his list* Well, we could just ask Kon to whoosh into the lawn –
Dick: *sketching* I mean, can you already picture it, Little D? I’m not that good at drawing stuff, but check this out. *shows his sketch to Damian*
Damian: *looking unimpressed* And what’s that supposed to be?
Dick: That’s the playroom turned into a lab! Since you weren’t technically adopted or birthed or whatever, I thought we’d celebrate that time you were in the “womb”. *goes back to sketching* I mean, we could even borrow some of Selina’s cats to make it more festive.
Dick: *grinning proudly* Schway, right? *looks up from his BatPad*
Dick: Where’d he go?
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *rubs his neck sheepishly* Look, Cass, it’s okay if you’re not up to it, but I just thought maybe…
Cass: *smiles brightly, claps her hands excitedly, and hugs Dick* I’m up to it! I’ve got some ideas of my own!
>>> *** <<<
Dick: What do you think, Alf? Can we pull it all off?
Alfred: Master Dick, while it may increase your father’s white hairs, I do think we don’t celebrate enough in this family.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Yeah, but he also wants his siblings to celebrate their “special days”, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for the suggestion!
Him: *claps his hands to get the students’ attention* “Okay, so. It’s your turn to try the moves I showed you. I need a volunteer. Who wants to go first?”
Hands: *shoot up in the air before he even finishes saying the word “first”*
Him: *beckons a student over* “You.”
Student: *approaches him*
Him: *chuckles sheepishly and holds up a hand* “Woah there, a little too close. I can, uh, practically smell your breath. *clears his throat* So here’s how it’s going to go. I’m going to tackle you from behind…”
Student: *staring at him dreamily*
Him: “… and you’re supposed to fight back.”
Student: *nodding absentmindedly*
Him: *proceeds to tackle them*
Student: *melts in his arms*
Him: *sighs in frustration*
>>> — <<<
Him: *does a standing double backflip, pulls escrima sticks from his back mid-air, then lands lightly on his feet, pouncing on a dummy*
Class: *silent*
Student: “You want us to do what now?”
JASON:
Him: *demonstrates how to disarm an attacker using a dummy*
Class: *watches in horror as the dummy practically breaks in half*
Him: *growls, stands up, then roughly wipes the sweat off his face*
Him: *finally notices their shock* “But, you know, it’s, um… It’s just one way to do it. You could always improvise.”
>>> — <<<
Student: *approaches him after class* “Mr. Todd, can I just pay you?”
Him: “Well, yeah, these classes aren’t exactly free…”
Student: “I mean, can I just pay you to go around with me?”
Him: “Uh…”
Student: *shaky breath* “It’s just that there’s this bully in my school and…”
Him: “Say no more. It’s on me.”
TIM:
Class: *puzzled*
Student A: “Uh… This is a train station.”
Him: *tossing a blindfold to each of them* Yup.
Student B: “Where exactly are we headed?”
Him: *listens for an oncoming train* On top.
Student C: “Of the train?”
Him: *sipping liquid caffeine from a sachet* Mm-hm.
Student D: *examining the blindfold in their hand, confused* “Yeah… I don’t think any of us are gonna get mugged on top of a train any time soon.”
Him: *wearing his own blindfold and smirking* It’s better to know it and not need it.
>>> — <<<
Class: *puzzled*
Student A: “Uh… This is a computer room.”
Him: *turning the lights on* “Yup. Each of you choose a laptop.”
Student B: “What exactly are we doing here? I thought this was a self-defense class.”
Him: *turning on the state-of-the-art laptop at the front of the room* “Ever heard of cyber bullying?”
DAMIAN:
Him: *drags a heavy crate into the training room and opens it* Line up. Pick your weapon. Then pair up. Do it quickly and *narrows his eyes* quietly.
Student A: *whispering while gingerly touching the tip of an arrowhead* Is this… kryptonite?
Student B: *whispering back while examining the katana in their hand* I don’t know, but I don’t think this is gonna fit in my purse.
>>> — <<<
Him: *pacing around the room* As I was saying, every martial art is – *does a double take* Todd?
Jason: *walking into the dojo with a student* In the flesh. Wassup, little brother?
Student: *points at Damian* That’s the bully I was telling you about!
Him: -Tt-
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
You know, I’ve read great reviews about these self-defense instructors from Gotham City. But I heard Batman might take you in soon after completing their courses, @prison-mikes-bandana . *scoffs* That’s silly.
Dick: *ticking things off his list* Batstagram announcement, posted… Cereal cupcakes, ordered… Bouncy Bat Castle from Wayne Tech, specifically blue, in production… Bat signal care of Commissioner Gordon, en route… Floral arrangements care of Ivy… Oh!
Dick: Bruce, can I invite some of the rogues?
Bruce: *grunts*
>>> *** <<<
Dick: I have to say, yours is gonna a be a bit challenging, Little Wing, but I still think we should go for it.
Jason: …
Dick: *counting with his fingers* There’s your birthday-birthday… Then the day Bruce took you in after you tried to steal his wheels… Then when he adopted you… Then the day you… Well, that day… Do you think we should include that? Or is that awkward? We could always just skip to you coming back to life, which is definitely worth celeb–
Jason: For the last time, Dick, get out of my room! *slams the bathroom door* I’m trying to take a dump in here!
Dick: Awkward it is.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *sitting at the foot of Tim’s bed* So, I was thinking, we could maybe get a thousand drones… Oh. No, that’s… a bit inappropriate. Nooo drones. *scratching “drones that form the words “Happy Adoption Day, Tim!” off his list* Well, we could just ask Kon to whoosh into the lawn –
Dick: *sketching* I mean, can you already picture it, Little D? I’m not that good at drawing stuff, but check this out. *shows his sketch to Damian*
Damian: *looking unimpressed* And what’s that supposed to be?
Dick: That’s the playroom turned into a lab! Since you weren’t technically adopted or birthed or whatever, I thought we’d celebrate that time you were in the “womb”. *goes back to sketching* I mean, we could even borrow some of Selina’s cats to make it more festive.
Dick: *grinning proudly* Schway, right? *looks up from his BatPad*
Dick: Where’d he go?
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *rubs his neck sheepishly* Look, Cass, it’s okay if you’re not up to it, but I just thought maybe…
Cass: *smiles brightly, claps her hands excitedly, and hugs Dick* I’m up to it! I’ve got some ideas of my own!
>>> *** <<<
Dick: What do you think, Alf? Can we pull it all off?
Alfred: Master Dick, while it may increase your father’s white hairs, I do think we don’t celebrate enough in this family.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Yeah, but he also wants his siblings to celebrate their “special days”, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for the suggestion!
Damian: *yelling from across the hall* I’d punish you for that tasteless comment, Drake!
Damian: But… -Tt- It’s admittedly not easy from this far.
Damian: Just… Just don’t get sick, okay?
Tim: *grinning* Didn’t realize you cared.
Damian: Shut up! Or I’ll send my cat to do the job for me! *slams his bedroom door shut*
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *rolls his eyes, not looking up from his laptop* Cass, I know you’re there.
Cass: *hangs upside down from the ceiling* Oh, sorry! I forgot my ballet shoes in one of the gym bags I borrowed from you –
Tim: Yeah, but you don’t have to crawl on my ceiling. You only need to be at least six feet away, not six feet above.
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *walks past Jason in the kitchen, unintentionally brushing against his arm*
Red Hood: Are you crazy, Tim?! I just came from patrol! Crane? Nygma? Who knows what I brought home with me! At least give me time to wear my mask first, it’s got a filter and everything. *fumbles with his pockets, finds his nontoxic sanitizer and sprays Tim with it* Shoo! Scat! No, you know what? You’ve got to eat to get stronger, so – MOVE! *tries his darndest not to brush against him*
Red Hood: *mumbling to himself as he walks away* What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have come here!
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *sends a text message* Wanna hang out?
Steph: *replies* Babe, what part of me trying to save your life don’t you get?
>>> *** <<<
Duke: *kicking*He shoots, he scores!
Tim: *watches in agony as the ball goes past him and into the goal*
Duke: *pumps his fist in the air* YEEEEESSSSS! 1-0 in favor of Thomas!
Tim: *offers to bump fists* Good game, my man. But maybe next time we play something else? Maybe some D&D?
Duke: *bumps fists with him* Haha! Or maybe you should just practice your soccer moves.
Tim: See ya around, Duke.
Duke: *doffs an imaginary hat* Take care, dude. Till a real game.
Tim: *turns off his hologram generator*
>>> *** <<<
Barbara [e-mail]:Here’s a list of every possible article (that isn’t fake) about this disease. You don’t need to cross-reference them since I already did that (duh), but you could if you’re bored. I’ve also got previously unreleased intel from S.T.A.R. Labs, and by “got”, of course I meant “hacked” –
Tim: *shuts his laptop and chuckles to himself* Already got ‘em, Babs.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *knocking on Tim’s bedroom door* Hey, Tim? Buddy? Are you feeling okay? I could call Dr. Thompkins if…
Tim [from inside the room]: *working on some cold cases* I’m fine, Dick.
Dick: Okay, well… I’m sorry you can’t have dinner with us right now. Alf offered to bring your food up for you. We just wanna make sure nothing happens to you, you know?
Tim: *sighs* I know, Dick.
Dick: … We miss you.
Tim: … I miss you, too, Dick.
>>> *** <<<
Bruce: Don’t. Remove. It.
Tim: *struggling to walk while wearing a state-of-the-art Bubble Bat Boy suit, which automatically assembles gliding pads on its feet* This is ridiculous, Bruce –
Bruce: Not as ridiculous as my allowing you to risk your life.
Tim: Really? Now you worry about me risking my –
Bruce: *clears his throat roughly* Like I said, until that vaccine from Wayne R&D passes every single testing phase, you’re staying in that thing and at home.
Tim: *groans*
>>> *** <<<
Later at the Wayne Manor rooftop…
Kon: Wow.
Tim: *in his bubble suit* I know, right?
Kon: *pokes at the bubble, which generates a force field in reaction* So, when are you gonna tell ‘em?
Tim: *adjusts the IV line supplying him liquid caffeine* About the spleen I grew in the Titans lab using stolen Cadmus tech?
Kon: Well, yeah.
Tim: Ehhh… *shrugs* Maybe when I get really tired of this suit. Besides… it’s been quiet. Almost peaceful. I’m still enjoying all of it.
Tim: Alfred knows, though. He performed the surgery. Helps me get out of this thing when I want to go on patrol.
Kon: Huh.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I guess you could say that, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for this ask!
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 