When you’re doing surveillance and bored out of your mind and your little brother’s “lectures” aren’t helping…
Robin: What are you doing now, Todd?
Red Hood: *rolling up a piece of paper* Making a straw.
Robin: Why?
Red Hood: So I can shoot you with a spitball.
Robin: You’re not going to do that, and I’ll tell you why. This is a mission, I am your partner, and you’re going to treat me with the prop – *chokes a bit* You shot your spit in my mouth!
Red Hood: Is this gonna be a long night? Because I don’t think I could do that again.
Tag: damian wayne
Guess who lost the Robins’ Rock, Paper, Scissors battle to not accompany Damian gift shopping?
Damian [to employee]: If I were to give you this gift basket, based on that action alone, and no other data, infer and describe the hypothetical relationship that exists between us.
Employee: Excuse me?
Damian: Here. *hands gift basket to employee* Now, are we friends, colleagues, lovers? Are you my grandmother?
Employee: I don’t understand what you’re talking about, and you’re making me a little uncomfortable.
Jason: *grabs Damian by the scruff of his neck*
Jason: See, sounds just like you and Raven. We’ll take it.
Jason: *takes the gift basket and drags Damian away*
Robin: *puts on kryptonite-lined gloves*
Robin: Crab claw.
Superboy: Ow! Did you just pinch my arm?!
Robin: Yes. Does it make you mad?
Superboy: I don’t know, it was kind of a–
Robin: Crab claw!
Superboy: Ow! What are you doing?!
Robin: I’m moving to California to lead the Teen Titans, and by pinching your arm I’m making you feel angry instead of overwhelmed with grief that I’m leaving.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Damian, that is not how you – *sighs*
Red Hood: If you bring sarcasm my way, baby, prepare to be stung.
Nightwing: Jay…
Red Hood: So’s your face!
Red Robin: That doesn’t even make any sense.
Red Hood: “So’s your face” always makes sense.
Robin: -Tt- Todd, that’s stupid.
Red Hood: So’s your face! Man, I am on fire!
Jon: Did… did you just call me a “colleague”?
Damian: I did. But I hate my colleagues.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Jon, sweetie, don’t listen to him. And, Damian, awww! Progress.
Robin: Todd, I’m going to jump off this skyscraper.
Red Hood: You know, kid, as the only adult here, I feel like I should say something.
Robin: What?
Red Hood: Cool!
Red Hood: *enters the Wayne Manor* I hate this place.
Damian: *shuts the door behind him* It hates you, Todd.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Jason, we all know that is one big, fat lie. And, Damian, no.
Dick: Uh-oh. Damian’s gonna be mad.
Tim: Yeah, well, he’s twelve and tiny. What’s he going to do? Kick my ass?
Tim’s Brain: Again?
Mornings at the Batcave…
Tim: *downing a cup of espresso* Okay, we all know why we’re here, right?
Dick: *still in just boxer shorts, yawning and shaking his head*
Jason: *groans* No. Why?
Tim: To fight Damian, the bully. That tiny tween has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it! I can’t promise you victory. I can’t promise you good times. But the one thing I do know –
Dick and Jason: *head back to the Manor*
Tim: Whoa! Whoa! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!
Dick: …
Tim: *two black eyes and a broken arm*
Damian: *three missing teeth*
Dick: *sighs and gestures to two chairs in front of him*
Dick: Why don’t you tell me what happened, and in a gentle and loving way, I’ll explain to you why you’re both wrong.
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