Jon: What do you think of Maya?
Damian: I think she’s efficient.
Jon: No, not like that. As a girl. G-I-R-L.
Damian: I hadn’t noticed.
Jon: You hadn’t noticed she’s a girl?
Tag: damian wayne
Damian: *arranging limited-edition figurines of Batman, Nightwing, Robin and Superboy on his shelf*
Jason: Ah. Your doll collection.
Damian: These are not dolls, Todd. These are commodities. Same as gold or oil.
Dick: Hey, Little Wing.
Jason: Screw you.
Damian: Excuse me, that is no way to address a superior.
Jason: Oh, yeah? Screw you, too.
Tim: *walking into the room and bumping into Jason, who’s fumingly on his way out*
Tim: Whoa. What was that all about?
Alfred: *gives them a pointed look*
Alfred: You all forgot his death anniversary. It was yesterday.
Imagine: Damian, asking advice from Alfred.
Come to think of it, that’s actually Ra’s al Ghul he’s talking to…
Interventions at the Manor…
Alfred: *wearing a mask and carrying a vacuum cleaner*
Dick: *putting on gloves*
Jason: *filling a black garbage bag with piles of… What are these, Timbo?*
Damian: *pinching his nose and looking around in pure disgust*
Tim: I want to get rid of my stuff, but all my stuff is really good and I just can’t get rid of it.
Dick: It’s not and you have to.
Jason: Everything you own is trash.
Damian: You’re basically a hoarder, Drake.
Tim: *chugs a mug of coffee and stains his three-day-old shirt further*
Tim: Not true. Everything has meaning. Everything is connected to something else.
Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin: *holding Robin by the scruff of the neck* Hey, if you want, you can babysit this brat and I’ll go with Zsasz to the GCPD.
Red Hood: *walking towards the bound and gagged criminal* No. No, thank you. Bring on the ex-con.
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *whistling while turning on the stove and beating eggs in a bowl*
Red Robin: *comes in through the kitchen window, bruised, tattered, and dripping blood*
Red Robin: Jay! I lost Damian! What am I going to do?!
Jason: Uhhhh. Don’t worry. Don’t worry. *looks around the kitchen in panic* Know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make you an omelet.
Red Robin: Just help me look for him!
Jason: Are you sure? I make ‘em with four kinds of cheese.
When you’re curious to find out what you could’ve been had you not met Batman…
S.T.A.R. Labs Scientist: Here are your scientifically selected careers.
Batgirl: “Architect”. Nice.
The Signal: “Insurance salesman”. Uhhh, right.
Spoiler: “Salmon gutter”? What in the –
Robin: “Military strongman”. -Tt-
Red Robin: “Systems analyst”. *shrugs*
Nightwing: “Homemaker”?
S.T.A.R. Labs Scientist: Mm-hm. It’s like a mommy.
Red Hood: “Police officer”? Well, I’ll be jiggered.
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim and Damian: *bickering at the breakfast table*
Bruce: Quiet, you two! If I hear one more word, Tim doesn’t get to drink coffee and Damian doesn’t get to go on patrol.
Tim: Bruce!
Damian: Father!
Bruce: Not. One. Word.
Tim and Damian: *start insulting each other by lightly tapping spoons and banging salt and pepper shakers*
Bruce: I thought I told you two to knock it off.
Tim: We didn’t say anything!
Damian: Not one word!
Bruce: Well, no Morse code either.
Teaching your older brother an ancient form of meditation sacred to a line of assassins be like…
Damian: I want you to shut off the logical part of your mind.
Jason: Okay.
Damian: Embrace nothingness.
Jason: You got it.
Damian: Become like an uncarved stone.
Jason: Done.
Damian: Todd! You’re just pretending to know what I’m talking about!
Jason: True.
Damian: -Tt- It’s very frustrating!
Jason: I’ll bet.
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