Tag: damian wayne

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

And the “Big Brother of the Year” Award goes to…

Jason: *reading the newspaper*

Damian: *slams his suitcase on the kitchen counter*

Damian [about Gotham Academy]: I can’t believe I have to start another year at school. I never learned anything at that suck shack.

Jason: Hey! Who taught you language like that?

Damian: A kid at school.

Jason: So you did learn something.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When you humor your 13-year-old League of Assassins-raised brother at his second chance at childhood…

Damian: *pretends to pour tea for Alfred the Cat, Batcow, Jerry the Turkey, Goliath, and Jason*

Jason: *facepalms* I don’t know why I agreed to this.

Damian: *glares* Because you like the taste of my imaginary tea.

Jason: Oh, you’re right. *“sips”*

a-wayne-at-heart:

The Robins as…

GROCERY SHOPPERS (sent by Alfred)

Dick:

  • Most likely to get stared at (for obvious reasons)
  • Keeps calling Alfred to report on available varieties for each item on the list and bargains for his or his siblings’ favorite snacks
  • Sings along or dances to the jingle while waiting in line at the cashier

Jason:

  • Most likely to stick to the grocery list
  • But his plan to “just get this over with” is usually derailed by a senior citizen struggling to put a heavy sack into a cart or a little kid trying to reach a toy on a high shelf
  • Comes home to the Manor blushing deeply and with lipstick stains from a grateful old lady

Tim:

  • Most likely to spend the whole day in the grocery
  • Because (1) he’s still groggy from pulling an all-nighter for a case and can’t mentally process Alfred’s list, or (2) he can’t help but research the toxicity profile of everything on it, which somehow leads him to cross-reference them with recent sightings of… (*looks up from his phone* “Oh, Alfred! Why are you here? Where am I?”)

Damian:

  • Most likely to sulk the entire time (“You do not send a prince to do a servant’s job, Pennyworth!”)… that is, until he discovers the pet section
  • Also most likely to be sent back to return everything that he bought and pick up the things that were actually on the list

a-wayne-at-heart:

The Robins as…

BABYSITTERS

(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)

Dick:

  • It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
  • Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
  • Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
  • Gentle disciplinarian.

Jason:

  • Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
  • Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
  • Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”

Tim:

  • Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
  • But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
  • Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
  • Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).

Damian:

  • Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
  • Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
  • Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Red Hood: *walks into the Batcave and heads directly to the Medical Bay*

Tim and Damian: *yelling insults at each other*

Red Hood: *reaches out for the bandages and grimaces in pain as he straightens his bleeding leg*

Tim and Damian: *take their argument into the Medical Bay and start grabbing surgical tools to throw at each other*

Red Hood: *pulls them apart by the scruff of their necks*

Red Hood: I’ve been shot at, thrown out of an airplane and generally mistreated by a lot of bad guys. This bickering is pretty much more that I can take. I’m going outside to get some fresh air. When I get back, you two better be calmed down or we’re breaking out the ball gags.