When you overstay your welcome at Red Hood’s safe house…
Jason: *hopping over mounds of bloody patrol suits and broken weapons while picking up dirty dishes*
Tim and Damian: *playing Injustice 2 on Xbox while yelling threats at each other*
Dick: *pouring milk on his cereal and spilling some on the carpet*
Jason: I don’t know when I became a dad to three lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning this place up, top to bottom!
Dick: Hey, we don’t even live here!
Jason: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?
Tag: damian wayne
Family Meeting
Dick: Welcome to the family, Duke!
Dick: There’s a few important things you need to know as you’re taking this exciting new step in your life!
Duke [whispering]: Why does he sound like a college tour guide?
Barbara [whispering]: Shh. Just let him have this.
Dick: First requirement for any Robin–
Duke: I’m not a Robin, though–
Dick: First requirement for any Robin is a tragic backstory. Do YOU have a tragic backstory?
Steph: Aw, great. Now he sounds like Dora the Explorer.
Tim: This entire conversation is a tragic backstory.
Duke: Uh…
Dick: Don’t wanna talk about it? That’s perfectly fine! We’ll wring it out of ya sooner or later, buddy! Second thing you need are ‘Daddy Issues’.
Jason [deadpan]: If you don’t have any, some will be provided for you.
Tim [equally deadpan]: Just spend an hour with Bruce.
Steph: Yeah, why d’you think Dami’s so messed up?
Damian: Hey!
Duke: What? No, I love my–
Dick: The third thing every Robin needs is ‘patience’. I need to know that if I drag you out of bed at 3am for a late-night dance party, you won’t be annoyed. I need to know that if Tim’s using your helmet as a coffee mug, and if Steph paints your suit purple, and if Jason asks you for cash twelve times in a row–
Jason: Man’s gotta eat.
Steph: You literally spend it all on Sour Patch gummies.
Jason: Yeah. So?
Dick: –that you can take it. And take it in stride. Do you think you have what it takes, Robin Number Six?
Duke: I’m not a Robin, man.
Steph: Oh ho. Is that right?
Steph: Well, then. Do you prance around in ridiculously bright tights?
Duke: They’re not–I don’t…um.
Barbara: Do you always do what Bruce says?
Duke: That’s not–
Damian: Even though you may secretly resent it?
Duke: Well–
Tim: Do you spend your free nights staring at the ceiling as you have another existential crisis about your place in the world and what would happen if one day you just finally snapped?
The others:
Duke:
Duke: Um. No, to that one.
Dick: Yeah, same here. BUT. Do you ever have an inexplicable urge to drive the Batmobile?
Duke: I…actually…
Jason: Do you dish out quips with the best of ’em?
Duke: Yeah, man. I guess. But…
Tim [leaning forward]: Then you are. You are Robin.
Jason [mumbling]: One of us…One of us…
Dick: ONE OF US
Steph: ONE OF US
Damian: One of us.
Tim: ONE OF US
Jason: ONE OF US
Barbara: Don’t worry, Duke. If these guys are freaking you out too much, you could always come and be a Batgirl.
Cass: *nods*
Duke: *facepalms*
Alfred: Alright, everyone. I have the cookies that were requested.
Everyone: YAY!!!
Duke [pulling out his phone as the others devour the treats]: Siri, do the voice log thing.
SIRI: Recording now.
Duke: *sighs* Day forty-seven. I have yet to find a successful escape route. My prospects are looking grim…
*giggling*
Red Hood: Bruce, Alfred, I have made a very important decision. I’m moving out.
Robin: Yes.
Red Hood: And moving in with Roy and Bizarro.
Alfred: My goodness.
Batman: *grunts*
Arsenal: Oh, yeaaah. Video games and beer all day and all night…
Artemis: *knocking on the door and entering* Oh, I’m sorry.
Artemis [to Jason]: Can I talk to you for a second? It’s kind of important.
Red Hood: *walks out of the room with Artemis*
Arsenal: *rolls his eyes* Talk about your third wheel.
Sneaking into your little brother’s room while he’s away on a mission with Superboy be like…
Tim: *examining the different types of blades splayed on Damian’s bed*
Jason: *tiptoeing on the carpet and looking around the room* Maybe let’s not touch anything until we figure out if his stuff wants to kill us or not.
Helping your little brother prepare for his first school play be like…
Dick: Dami, we think we can help you with your stage fright.
Damian: Oh, I doubt that. I haven’t figured out a way, and I’m much smarter than all of you.
Tim: Yes, but you’re not smarter than all of us put together.
Damian: I’m sorry. That is what I meant.
Damian: Drake, you don’t think I’m condescending, do you?
Tim: *clears throat* Well…
Damian: Oh, I’m sorry. “Condescending” means –
Tim: I know what it means. And, yes, you like to correct people and put them down.
Damian: Au contraire. When I correct people, I’m raising them up. You should know. I do it for you more than anyone else.
At the Metropolis City Fair…
Jon: 🙂
Damian: >:|
Jon: 😀
Damian: Did you just use your super powers to win a stuffed panda?
Those oh-so-rare family camping trips be like…
Jason: *loading tents, sleeping bags, backpacks and concealed weapons into the Batvan*
Damian: *securing Batcow’s trailer*
Dick: *staring questioningly at Tim while applying sunblock on his face*
Tim: *carrying case files in one hand and a coffee mug in the other* I don’t know why you guys can’t go without me and just Photoshop me in.
Batman: If you’re ever in the area, you’ll always have a place to stay…
Green Lantern:
Batman: In my son’s barn.
Green Lantern: There it is.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
That’s sssuming Damian’ll allow it, Hal. And, Bruce, that’s not how you “accommodate” colleagues.
Dick: When are you gonna take time to be a kid?
Damian: In my mid-20’s, like you.
Dick: I’d ask Bruce to ground you for that, but then I wouldn’t have anyone to play with.
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