Mission on a remote island…
Red Robin: *cutting through jungle foliage with his bo staff* Brat, who are you talking to – Oh, #*$@!!!
Alien: BLARG!
Robin: *standing in front of the nine-foot-tall, Predator-looking creature, ready to defend it* Stop! He is my friend! He’s not going to eat anybody!
Red Hood: *yelling from behind a bush* Yeah! Says you stink too much to eat!
Tag: damian wayne
When Batman grounds you from patrolling until you learn to get along with each other…
Red Robin: I really love you, little brother.
Robin: *throws the script at him* -Tt- We have got to get you to that acting clinic, Drake.
Red Robin: And that was with me picturing coffee.
Driving away from a monster attacking Gotham City be like…
Nightwing: *looking through the rear window of the Batmobile* Uh, guys –
Red Robin: *sitting next to Dick, desperately trying to gain remote control of the Batjet using his communicator*
Robin: *riding shotgun* -Tt- You were picked for a reason, Todd! You’re supposed to be our reckless driver!
Red Hood: *about to drive the Batmobile through a burning building* I’m driving as recklessly as I can!
Red Robin: *crouching behind the giant coin in the Batcave*
Nightwing: *walks in*
Red Robin: *to his walkie-talkie* The Hug Machine is here. I repeat, the Hug Machine is here. Smiling on all cylinders.
The rest of the Batfamily: *temporarily stop brooding to find hiding places*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Dick tends to get in the way of angst and sadness.
Batman: I have eight kids. I’ve been tired since 1940.
Happy birthday, Brucie.
When your little brother obsessively washes his mouth out after accidentally using your toothbrush…
Jason: You’re worried about germs? I’ve seen you kiss your cow on the mouth.
Planning a surprise birthday party for your youngest (kiddie-party-deprived) brother be like…
Dick: Um, Jason’s not much of a clown fan…
Duke: Has he ever seen a good one?
Jason: *from three rooms away* HAS ANYONE???
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Duke, sweetie, it’s a, um… *clears throat* sensitive topic.
When your father and grandfather leave you and your brothers alone at the Manor…
Damian: *sees “52 missed calls” on his cellphone screen*
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: How irresponsible do they think we are?
Jason: *shrugs* Sometimes Alfred leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.
In their top secret, high-tech, steel-walled treehouse…
Robin: *taking a gadget apart* Because whoever sent this thing is trouble.
Superboy: You don’t know that, Damian! They could’ve been nice!
Robin: Nice? No. A nice person says, “Hey, guys! Nice treehouse! Here’s a pound cake”. They don’t plant a freakin’ camera at our front door doing recon on us, Kent.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
The lengths your older brothers’ll go to keep an eye on you.
Bruce: I was just thinking, when my time comes –
Dick: Bruce!
Damian: Father!
Bruce: Listen to me. When my time comes, I want to be buried at sea.
Tim: You what?
Bruce: I want to be buried at sea. It looks like fun.
Jason: Define “fun”.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Also, you might want to have a word with Arthur about that.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 