Most likely to get stared at (for obvious reasons)
Keeps calling Alfred to report on available varieties for each item on the list and bargains for his or his siblings’ favorite snacks
Sings along or dances to the jingle while waiting in line at the cashier
Jason:
Most likely to stick to the grocery list
But his plan to “just get this over with” is usually derailed by a senior citizen struggling to put a heavy sack into a cart or a little kid trying to reach a toy on a high shelf
Comes home to the Manor blushing deeply and with lipstick stains from a grateful old lady
Tim:
Most likely to spend the whole day in the grocery
Because (1) he’s still groggy from pulling an all-nighter for a case and can’t mentally process Alfred’s list, or (2) he can’t help but research the toxicity profile of everything on it, which somehow leads him to cross-reference them with recent sightings of… (*looks up from his phone* “Oh, Alfred! Why are you here? Where am I?”)
Damian:
Most likely to sulk the entire time (“You do not send a prince to do a servant’s job, Pennyworth!”)… that is, until he discovers the pet section
Also most likely to be sent back to return everything that he bought and pick up the things that were actually on the list
(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)
Dick:
It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
Gentle disciplinarian.
Jason:
Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”
Tim:
Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).
Damian:
Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.
Often mistaken for the instructor. That’s understandable – He’ll help anyone who looks like they’re having a tough time.
He’s… distracting. For obvious reasons.
But, actually, it’s his positive energy that’ll make you keep coming back to finish the grueling regimen.
Will sometimes come in wearing a very loud outfit that screams “80s” because he knows that it amuses some people, then backs it up with a few Flying Grayson-esque stunts.
JASON:
The one that other gym rats steer clear of.
He’s basically a shadow in a dark corner of the gym pumping 200 lb of iron with one arm while smoking a cigarette with the other.
What’s with the bright green liquid in his blood-stained water bottle?
As “mythical” as he seems, he’s actually adorably polite to the employees. (They swear they’ve caught him wink at them.)
TIM:
The one wearing a Bluetooth headset and a watch monitoring all his vital signs.
Pre-installed surveillance cameras that feed information directly into his laptop, which he’s constantly checking out as he works out.
The other board members of Wayne Enterprises have no idea that he’s actually on the treadmill while on an online conference with them. (Pretty fit, Timmy!)
*referring to the stuff in his water bottle* “Oh, this? It’s, um, pure liquid caffeine.”
DAMIAN:
“Whose kid is this?” a staff member announced, right before his finger broke “inexplicably”. (It never happened again.)
If people steer clear of Jason, they’d rather not come in at all when they know it’s this little guy’s day.
You know that thing when the person next to you’s so condescending that he can’t help but smirk loudly and mutter “weak” every time he sees you break a sweat, but you can’t really do anything about it because he’ll growl at you (and who knows what else)? Yeah.
Besides, it’s uncomfortable every time his cat (Pennyworth, is it?) sits on your face while you’re trying to bench-press.
DC Universe’s Got Talent (America’s Got Talent), as host, contestant, and eventual winner – because judges from the Fifth Dimension could no longer stand watching a human with such inhuman flexibility
Gothamite Ninja Warrior (American Ninja Warrior), where it’s usually just Cass and him battling it out for the top spot and the “obstacle course” includes parkouring to the top of crumbling gargoyles and jumping off twenty-story buildings sans parachute
Jason
Alfred & J’s Potluck Dinner(Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner), where Alfred’s “Martha” and he’s “Snoop” and they host get-togethers for heroes and villains in the Manor kitchen
Hoodvs. Lair (Man vs. Wild), but instead of surviving in the wild, he’s trying to get past security in a new supervillain’s hideout week after week (guest-starring Roy)
Tim
BatFuzz Unsolved (BuzzFeed Unsolved), where he discusses controversial cases, such as the mysterious zombie-turned-vigilante wearing a red helmet, with his best bud and resident skeptic, Conner
Myth Boosters (Myth Busters), where he dispels/proves popular theories using the latest and most expensive Wayne Tech gadgets (and Bruce is a mere centimeter away from buying the TV network just to cancel this show)
Damian
Gotham’s Dumbest Videos(America’s Funniest Videos), which features clips of his siblings’ blunders during patrol (and him cackling in the background after he introduces each one)
Crikey! It’s the Irwins, and he’s actually with the Irwins (until his father reminds him to “Get. Back. To. Your Earth. Now.”)
– • – • – • – • –
Not sure if I did it justice, but I really liked this suggestion, @fleetof-fandoms, so thanks!
Feeling inspired (but admittedly slow to get to the actual work of responding and writing)… But open to more “The Robins as…” suggestions.
That being said, know that the only Robins I’m comfortable writing for are Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian since I’m not well-versed in their other siblings.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 