Mar’i: *cradling a dead bird and sobbing*
Jason: I’ve been through this before, Sweetheart. When your Uncle Damian was fourteen, I was supposed to take care of his parakeet. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.
Mar’i: DAAAADDDDYYY!!!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
In which Dick (reluctantly) reconsiders caffeine-addicted Uncle Tim for babysitting.
Tag: damian wayne
Torn apart furniture. Food and some sort of ink (or is that blood?) smeared all over the walls and carpets. A scorched living room ceiling. Tim tries to explain what happened to a visiting Conner…
Tim: It would take hours to explain the psychology of this event, so I’ll just simplify.
Tim: *points at Damian* “Dynamite”.
Tim: *points at Jason* “Kid with matches”.
Post-traning session at the Manor…
Nightwing: *trying to catch his breath and wiping sweat off his face*
Red Hood: *examining his broken helmet while holding an ice pack against his temple*
Red Robin: *throwing his halved bo staff into the fireplace*
Nightwing [to Robin]: In everyone’s defense, I think the most worthy opponent of yours is… you.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Well, since your sisters were out shopping during this whole ordeal, one cannot say that with absolute certainty.
When Batman tucks you in…
Damian: …
Damian: Pennyworth.
Damian: Could you loosen my blanket a little? Father tucked me in too tight and it’s cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Kansas…
Lois: *walks out of the room*
Jon: …
Jon: *shifts uncomfortably in his bed*
Jon: Mom?
Jon: Mom! Moooooooooooom!
Jon: *stares at the glowing, green blanket wrapped snuggly around him*
Jon: *stares at the ceiling and sighs in resignation*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Kryptonite-fiber blanket courtesy of Wayne Industries.
Damian: Hey, how about you both stop with this nonsense and –
Jon: HELP U–
Me: *closing both their bedroom doors* Oh, don’t mind them. Waaay past their bedtime. You’re welcome, @warrior-of-the-blue-moon !
When Batman tucks you in…
Damian: …
Damian: Pennyworth.
Damian: Could you loosen my blanket a little? Father tucked me in too tight and it’s cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Kansas…
Lois: *walks out of the room*
Jon: …
Jon: *shifts uncomfortably in his bed*
Jon: Mom?
Jon: Mom! Moooooooooooom!
Jon: *stares at the glowing, green blanket wrapped snuggly around him*
Jon: *stares at the ceiling and sighs in resignation*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Kryptonite-fiber blanket courtesy of Wayne Industries.
When Batman tucks you in…
Damian: …
Damian: Pennyworth.
Damian: Could you loosen my blanket a little? Father tucked me in too tight and it’s cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.
Maybe he’s trying to keep you from sneaking out and going to Kent Farm at 3 AM again? *shrugs*
Why Dick is Damian’s favorite older brother…
Tim [about Damian]: In a way, I think we learned more from him than he learned from us.
Jason: Well, obviously. Because we taught him nothing.
Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!
Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]
Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.
[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]
FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
Dick: Rule #1 with a baby…
Jason: *sniggering*
Tim: *smirking*
Dick: *places a hand on Damian’s shoulder*
Damian: *growling*
Dick: …don’t use it as a human shield.
Jason and Tim: *all-out, belly-laughing*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
He a tough baby, though.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 