Tag: damian wayne

Which of the batkids can I hug without them stabbing/shooting me?that is the Question

Red Hood: *pointing a gun at Dick’s foot* I beg you, Boy Wonder, freakin’ dare me!

Nightwing: *disarms Jason with a twirl of his escrima stick* Yeah, that’s right, Boy Wonder, the original, which means I get to go first, Little Wing –

Robin: *scoffs and cuts Dick’s escrima stick in half with his sword* Too bad “first” doesn’t equal “competent”, Grayson –

Red Robin: *tackles and pins Damian to the ground with his bo staff* To be fair, Dick’s probably the most competent among all of us when to comes to this thing, but since apparently it’s a competition –

Spoiler: *caresses Tim’s face, which causes him to drop his weapon* Are you really gonna compete with me, Timmy…? Psych! *sweep-kicks Tim, causing him to fall to the ground*

@dangerous-doodle : *walks into the room*

The Robins: *hide their weapons in 0.2 seconds flat* Hey, you…!

@dangerous-doodle: …

Oracle: *facepalming in embarrasment* We talked about this.

Oracle: You know what? Fine. Cass? Duke? You can go first.

Cass and Duke: *run towards @dangerous-doodle for a hug*

~ • ~ • ~ • ~

It’s not you who you should be worrying about, @dangerous-doodle .

The question is, would any of the Batkids prank Bruce on April 1st?

Bruce: *walks around the Manor to check on his kids*

Dick: *on his bed, cutting his toenails and admiring how shiny they are*

Jason: *in the library, arranging the books by author*

Tim: *by the pool, playing online D&D with his Young Justice teammates*

Damian: *in the backyard, doing drills with Titus*

Cass: *in the dance studio, practicing some ballet moves*

Steph: *in the kitchen, making a mess with the waffle maker*

Bruce: What are you doing he– Hn. Never mind.

Duke: *in the tennis court, playing with Luke*

Barbara: *in the Batcave, typing on her laptop*

Bruce: *whispers to her* You would tell me, wouldn’t you?

Barbara: *stops typing and raises an eyebrow at him* 

Bruce: Hn. Forget I said anything.

Alfred: *in the front parlor, knitting a Batman onesie*

Bruce: Alf– 

Alfred: *lifts a finger* IF you ask me one more time, Master Bruce, you will have no more cookies for the rest of this year. I don’t care if you cry blood murder. 

Bruce: Hn. *muttering under his breath* At least I know where your loyalty lies.

Alfred: *puts down the onesie* What was that?

Bruce: Nothing. *speed-walks away* 

Bruce: *heads to a secret room*

Bruce: *clears his throat* Brother Eye. Nothing?

Brother Eye: Good morning, Batman. Last scan was 3 minutes, 42 seconds and 5 milliseconds ago. Scanning all surveillance cameras in the Manor and in places frequented  by your children and activating advanced facial recognition now. 0 results. Scanning all forms of digital communication to and from your children’s communication devices now. 0 results. Scanning all travel –

Bruce: Stop. Hn. 

Bruce: *dials a number on his phone*

Clark [on the other end of the line, in Smallville]: *milking a cow* Yeeeello?

Bruce: I’m your best friend, right… ?

Clark: *starting to sweat* Why are you e-even a-asking me that, Bruce?

Meanwhile…

The Batkids: *communicating within the Manor by sign language and passing handwritten notes to each other, evading the surveillance cameras using their training from Batman*  

Dick: Hurry up, guys. Only a matter of time before Superman breaks.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Let’s just say that Bruce gets a liiiiiiiiiiitle bit more paranoid around this time of year. For good reason.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

At the Watchtower…

Justice League: *watching surveillance, Youtube and news footage on the mainframe computer*

Batman: *walks into the room and sees Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin and Lark (and a bunch of burning buildings and screaming citizens) on the screen*

Superman: *arms crossed*

Wonder Woman: *hands on hips, shaking her head*

Aquaman: *raises an eyebrow*

The Flash: *wide-eyed*

Green Lantern: *biting his lip to suppress a smirk*

Cyborg: Wo-ho-hoooooo.

Batman: Hn.

Batman: Whatever they did, add it to my tab.

Batman: *walks out*

And if you were convinced that Batman went back to work at the Watchtower after walking calmly and collectedly out of that room, then you probably didn’t even consider that he’d run to the teleporters at top speed to get back to Earth and do damage control (a.k.a. give his kids a piece of his mind).

Have you considered: April 1st in the Wayne Household. There’s only One Rule, don’t prank Alfred

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Tim: *walks into the Wayne Manor library with a Bubble Boy suit on*

Jason:

Tim: Go on. Lemme have it.

Jason: *looks up from the book he’s reading* Excuse me?

Tim: I’m ready.

Jason: For… ?

Tim: *smirks* You tell me.

Jason: Ohh kay. *goes back to reading his book*

Tim: *in a singsong voice* I don’t have all day, Jay. Patrol’s gonna be crazy, you know how it is on this day. But I really wanna make the most of it this year, so I’m giving you a chance. *arms wide open* I’m heeeeere.

Jason: *shuts his book and sighs* Look, Timbo, if you’re having one of your “moments", I can –

Tim: *chuckles and points at him* Ohhh ohhh you’re good. You’re really good.

Jason: *exasperated* At what? What is this about, Tim?

Tim: Come ooon, man! *looks at the ceiling, as if expecting something to drop down from there* Don’t let me down this year, Jay. I came up with an algorithm and made a suit and everything.

Jason: You know what, you’re making me uncomfortable, so… *gets up from the couch* Imma head out.

Tim: *wobbles towards him, tripping over his suit* No, no, no, no, wait! Jay! Jason! Peter! I’m good! You can do whatever you want! Name it, I’m ready for it! Team up with the little brat if you have to – *voice gets drowned out by Jason shutting the door*

Jason: *shakes his head and dials a number on his mobile phone*

Jason: Hey. It’s me. Yeah, about that… *looks around to make sure no one’s listening*

Jason: *chuckles* He’s so sleep-deprived that he’s a day early. We might have to step up our game, though.

Damain [on the other end of the line]: -Tt-

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

In all seriousness, stay safe on the 1st, kids. Maybe Rule Number 2 is no COVID-19-related pranks, yeah? 

Dick: *rubbing his chin thoughtfully* Well, maybe this year it’s different. Maybe he actually wants to be part of the fun.

Jason: *rolls eyes* Yeah, and I’ve never done anything illegal in my life.

Damian: Grayson, I expected more from you.

Tim: *looking disheveled after surviving whatever Jason and Damian had in store for him earlier in the day* Hold on, hold on… Dick’s right. I mean, how well do we really know Bruce anyway?

Duke: But isn’t this a little extreme?

Steph: *scoffs* What, like that’s not his style?

Duke: You’ve got a point.

Cass: … Or we could just ask Alfred?

Babs: Do you honestly think that he wouldn’t be in on this?
 
All of them: *staring at an empty, tattered, and bloody Batman suit sprawled on the Batcave floor*

Meanwhile…

Alfred: *in his room, shaking his head while looking at April 1 on his calendar* Oh, Master Bruce. 

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Could be real, could be a prank. What do you guys think?

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Bruce: I was just thinking, when my time comes –

Dick: Bruce!

Damian: Father!

Bruce: Listen to me. When my time comes, I want to be buried at sea.

Tim: You what?

Bruce: I want to be buried at sea. It looks like fun.

Jason: Define “fun”.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~

Also, you might want to have a word with Arthur about that.