Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *pours Damian a cup of coffee* Sugar?
Damian: Yes, ten lumps, please.
Tim: *with bloodshot eyes and shaking uncontrollably* Hey, Golden Boy, top me off!
Dick: Are you sure Alfred still lets you drink coffee, Tim?
Tim: FOR THE LAST TIME, YES!!!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
And for the last time, Timothy, no.
Why certain family celebrations are avoided at Wayne Manor…
* upside-down, blurry images of a four-foot-something-tall adolescent boy pouncing on a scrawny teenage guy; a muffled mixture of screaming and hooting sounds in the background; a gruff voice angrily yelling, “Enough!” *
Duke: *tries to hold the camera steady*
Duke: Aaaaand the birthday video becomes a nature film.
When your billionaire father’s also a vigilante who doesn’t have time to ponder how much gifts for teenagers cost…
Tim: Bruce, um, can I have some money to buy Damian a birthday present?
Bruce: Here you go.
Tim: *counts the money* Bruce, this is $110!
Bruce: Oh, sorry. *hands him the whole wallet*
When Batman tucks you in…
Damian: …
Damian: Pennyworth.
Damian: Could you loosen my blanket a little? Father tucked me in too tight and it’s cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.
Maybe he’s trying to keep you from sneaking out and going to Kent Farm at 3 AM again? *shrugs*
Wayne Foundation gala…
Alfred: Now, look, boys, the mayor is going to be at this fête, so I want you to show your father some love and/or respect.
Damian: Tough choice.
Jason: I’m picking respect.
Damian: I’m human!
Jason: *shrugs* In your own way.
When the Batmobile goes missing…
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: *strips off the gag covering Jason’s mouth* I asked you to watch over your little brother.
Jason: *tied to the gigantic Joker card* I tried to stop Damian, but he overpowered me!
Not obvious enough, Bruce?
Nightwing: Bruce, we, um… We did something very bad.
Batman: Did you wreck the Batplane?
Red Robin: No!
Batman: Did you raise the dead?
Robin: Yes!
Batman: But the plane’s okay?
Nightwing: Uh-huh…
Batman: All right then.
Look, your father’s very tired, boys…
Meanwhile, somewhere in Nanda Parbat…
Red Hood: *covered in Lazarus Pit fluid* What the f–
Jason: Young man, since you broke Tim’s teeth, he gets to break yours.
Tim: *wipes blood off his mouth and cracks his knuckles* This is gonna be sweet.
Damian: *sneers*
In which Bruce, Alfred, and Dick never leave Jason to “babysit” his younger brothers again.
First rule of Bat Club…
Bruce: Are you kidding?! Cassandra turned out perfect! I won’t sit here and listen to you badmouthing your sister.
Tim and Damian: We’re talking about Jason.
Bruce: Oh. That guy.
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