Superman: *awkwardly pats the roof* Well. That was a long, silent car ride. Now I know how Dick feels.
You know any of his children would have music blaring and talking whether he contributes or not
Nightwing: *bops his head and taps his fingers on the dashboard to the beat of NSYNC’s “It’s Gonna Be Me”*
Nightwing: *takes an earphone out of his ear* What was that?
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman:
Nightwing:
Batman: *clears his throat*
Nightwing: Oh, I thought I saw your mouth move.
Nightwing: *jams the earphone back in* A man can dream.
Nightwing: *checks the digital map and sighs* Five miles to gooo. Why do supervillain lairs have to be so far?
Batman:
Batman: Sync with bluetooth, code “A37”.
NSYNC: *starts blaring on the Batmobile speakers*
Nightwing: *takes off both earphones and grins at Bruce*
Batman: *grins*
Red Hood: *gets in and slams the Batmobile door excitedly* Thanks for picking me up, Big Bro *takes off his helmet and shakes his hair dry* Some kid from Crime Alley stole one of my tires, pretty impressive, actually – *rummaging through his jacket pockets for a USB drive* Plus there’s this cool new album that Roy wants us to check out, so turn that 90’s boyband crap off for just a sec – Hey, want me to transfer to the – the –
Red Hood: *finally notices Batman on the passenger seat and sullenly says* Yo.
Batman: *grunts*
Red Hood: *rolls his eyes*
Nightwing: *sees his brother’s reflection on the rearview mirror and grins* If I’d told you, would you have gotten in?
Red Hood: *muttering* Tss. Could’ve walked home. I have safehouses everywhere.
Nightwing: *cups an ear* What was that?
Red Hood: *crosses his arms* Nothing! Just shut up and drive.
Nightwing: *smirks*
Red Hood:
Batman:
Red Hood: Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d be –
Batman:
Red Hood: *looks out the window* Never mind.
Batman:
Nightwing:
Red Hood: *tapping his foot awkwardly* Sooo… You let Golden Boy drive this thing. Neat.
Batman:
Nightwing: *trying to stifle a giggle*
Red Hood: Dick, you can just drop me off right here –
Batman: No.
Red Hood: *frowns*
Batman: *extends a palm towards Jason* The drive.
Red Hood:
Red Hood: *reluctantly drops it on Bruce’s palm*
Batman: *plugs it into the console*
Nightwing: *to the Comm Link, smiling from ear to ear* Alfred? Yeah. Extra plate on the dinner table, please.
Thirteen songs from “Harper’s Mix” later…
Nightwing: So lemme get this straight: You were just on my case for listening to 90′s music, and now you’re going gaga over –
Red Hood: *skips to the next track* Ssh, Goldie. This one?
Batman: *listens to the intro for 1.5 seconds*
Batman: “Unchained Melody”. 1955. Todd Duncan –
Red Hood: Wow.
Nightwing: Don’t you mean the Righteous Brothers?
Batman: – sang the vocals for the film “Unchained”.
Red Hood: You are officially old.
Batman: *grinning wistfully* My mother used to hum it to me.
Nightwing:
Red Hood:
Batman: *still grinning wistfully*
Red Hood: *clears his throat* That’s, um, swell. Hey, if you get this next one, I’ll concede and declare you King of –
Radio: *skipping tracks randomly*
Red Hood: What the –
Radio: *rewinds and fast-forwards by itself, then plays “Basket Case” by Green Day*
Red Hood: That wasn’t even on there!
Radio: *in a chipmunk voice* Jason Peter Todd, also known as the Red Hood, we summon you –
Red Hood: *points a gun at the console* AaaAArRggh –
Nightwing: *swerving the Batmobile slightly* Calm down, Little Wing!
Batman: Timothy, enough.
Radio: *erupts into belly laughter*
Radio: *wheezing* Y-you sh-should’ve seen your face, Jay. *sighs contentedly* What time are you guys getting here? I’m bored and hungry.
Red Hood: And dead meat. *crushes the tiny camera suctioned to the window*
Red Robin: *sinking deeper into the passenger seat of the Batmobile*
Red Robin: *sighs contentedly* Just me and the Batman. It’s been a while, huh? Remind me again why I haven’t been hitching a sweet, sweet ride with you these past few months?
Batman:
Red Robin: Could it be because of your endearing silence? Nah. It can’t be that. We both enjoy it.
Batman: *smirks*
Red Robin: Perhaps I simply don’t need to? I mean, the Redbird’s great and all, but this is the freakin’ Batmobile.
Batman: *fondly shakes his head ever-so-subtly that if you blinked you’d have missed it*
Red Robin: *presses a button on the dashboard, opening a compartment full of CDs* How about your nostalgia for… outdated tech?
Batman: *gives him a pointed look*
Red Robin: *holds his hands up as if in surrender* Hey, no judgement.
Batman: *swiftly swerves the Batmobile into a dark alley*
Red Robin: What *going through the CDs* do we have *takes a couple out* here?
Batman:
Red Robin: “Cassandra’s Ballet Recital”. Neat. Did you get to see it?
Batman: *nods fondly*
Red Robin: Me, too. I was in the middle of chasing a killer android, though, so I had to watch it from the rooftop of the opera house.
Red Robin: *rummaging* Hmm. “Dick’s Mix” – way to be creative, Richard – “Classical Concertos for Teens” – which I assume belongs to the brat – “Suicide Squad” film soundtrack – Jason’s current obsession –
Red Robin: Is this Duke’s? *holds up a yellow-colored CD* I’m taking this *stuffs it into his backpack* I dig his jam – “Oracle” – Wait, wait, wait… Don’t tell me –
Batman: She doesn’t know –
Red Robin: *already stuffing it into his backpack* Mine! Just in case, y’know, I need to blackmail either of you. Her voice is pretty awesome, though. Watchtower acoustics really did her a favor.
Batman: *nods in agreement*
Red Robin: *back to rummaging* What else, what else… “Cats”? Really, Bruce? Is Selina even into broadway?
Batman: *shrugs*
Red Robin: “Clark’s Country Playlist”. Superman carpools to warzones with you?
Batman: I play it here, he listens from above. Says it helps him focus.
Red Robin: *rubbing his chin* Maybe I could try that with Kon…
Red Robin: “Purple Haze” – witty, Steph, but I don’t think you even knows who Jimi Hendrix is – “Oldies but Goodies” – which is, coincidentally, Alfie’s name on my phone, ha ha – *reaches the bottom of the compartment*
Red Robin: I guess… that’s got it.
Batman: Tim…
Red Robin: *staring blankly ahead* I remember now –
Batman: Tim, I –
Red Robin: We were on the way to the Iceberg Lounge to bust Penguin and his crew, and I was getting so pumped that I jammed my CD into the player, but you took it out 10 seconds into “London Calling”, crushed my CD with one freakin’ hand, and threw it out –
Batman: *swerves the Batmobile to a stop* Red Robin –
Red Robin: – then we got into some argument over how stupid my music was, so I got out and – and –
Batman: TIM.
Red Robin: What?!
Batman: We’re here.
Red Robin: *sighs wearily and grabs his bo staff from the backseat* Yeah, okay, I’m sorry. Let’s go kick some criminal butt.
Batman: You won’t need that.
Red Robin: *frowning in confusion* What? *looks out the window* And why are we at the Wayne Memorial Theater?
Batman: I asked Lucius to help me put a little something together.
Red Robin: I don’t –
Batman: It’s not that I didn’t like your music, Tim. Just… bad mood, bad timing.
Red Robin: … The anniversary of your parents’ death.
Batman: *nods solemnly*
Red Robin: Bruce, I…
Batman: I hope you still like “London Calling”.
Red Robin: Yeah, but –
Batman: Because we’re about to watch a 4D screening of The Clash in concert.
Red Robin: We’re not… patrolling?
Batman: How else was I supposed to get you to hitch a sweet, sweet ride with me?
Red Robin: *haphazardly wiping tears from his eyes* Wow. Great timing, allergies.
Batman: *ruffles Tim’s hair* Let’s go, son.
Robin: *puts his backpack on the backseat of the Batmobile, does a last minute check of its contents, and sits on the passenger seat*
Robin: You and Kent’s dad don’t need to linger, Father. Just drop us off at our HQ and be on your way.
Batman:
Robin: *checking the contents of his utility belt compartments one by one* Oh, wait! Pennyworth forgot the – Oh, no, he didn’t – Shurikens, grappling hooks, brass knuckles – Ugh! These dumb chocolate-covered “gummy bears” that Superboy insists I carry with me – *doesn’t notice a USB drive fall from one of them*
Batman: *picks up the said USB drive* Hn.
Robin: *still talking more to himself than to Bruce* – and I’m fairly certain that I’ve sufficiently sharpened my knives, unless Todd’s device was subpar –
USB drive: *with the phrase “bearable noise” scribbled on its surface*
Robin: – make sure to feed Goliath before releasing him. He knows which island we’ll be on and will follow as previously instructed –
Batman: *plugs it into the console*
Speakers: *start playing… a lullabye*
Robin: – and tell Drake to stay out of –
Robin:
Robin: *angrily disconnects the drive and slumps down on his seat* You weren’t supposed to hear that.
Batman: Damian, I –
Robin: *looks out the window* No one is supposed to hear that.
Robin: *muttering* Stupid, stupid *while banging his head against the headrest*
Batman:
Batman: *reaches out to block Damian’s head* I’m sorry, son.
Robin: *slaps his hand away*Just drive.
Batman:
Robin:
Batman:
Robin:
Robin: *quietly*When I slept over at the farm,Mrs. Kent sang it to Jon while she was putting him to bed.
Batman: *glances at him*
Robin: It was annoying.
Robin: Childish.
Robin: *lip quivering* Weak.
Robin: *covers his face with his arms and bends over his knees, his body trembling*
Batman: *places a hand on his back* You’re not any of that, son.
Batman: But once in a while, it’s okay to be all of it.
Robin: *looks up at his father and wipes his eyes with his cape, sniffling*
Batman: *reaches for the USB drive where it fell near the console and plugs it back in*
Speakers: *play the lullabye again*
Batman: Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve listened to something this relaxing.
Robin: *takes one last look at his father before looking out the window, glassy-eyed and grinning*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
@tmntchickadee , thanks for the idea. As you can see, I, um, ran with it. I was going for funny, but I think it ended up more “therapeutic”. I love music. It’s intimate. It can help heal. And I wanted each of my favorite Batkids to have a moment that’s uniquely theirs with their father. (Bruce could use them, too.)
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,
a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes
This is the best thing I have ever read in my life
Robin: *hissing*Will you two shut up? Father and Grayson might hear you!
Red Robin: What exactly are you trying to do?
Robin: *carrying@dc-comics-gal into the Batmobile* Trying to sneak them into the Manor! Obviously, Drake!
Red Hood: Well, not that I’d mind seeing the old Bat have a fit, but… why, kid?
Robin: One more question, Todd, and I swear –
Me: Hey, hey, hey! Put the Tumblr user down.
Me: Now, Damian.
Me:
Me: Okay, good.
Me: On our earth, we just say thank you.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
So, thank you!
It’s getting better and better and better 🙂 and I love it 💕
Damian: *shuts his bedroom door behind him*
Dick: Hey, Li’l D –
Dick:
Dick: Is there someone in your room?
Damian: No one! Nothing! None of your business! Now, get out of my way Grayson, I need to find Pennyworth! *rushes past him to the kitchen*
Dick: *slowly opens the door*
Jason: *showing @rosevered some of his favorite 18th century novels* Yo, Dames, you got the tea yet? We’re out –
Dick:
Jason:
Tim: *drops the stack of Xbox games he was carrying*
Dick:
Tim: Uhhh… Damian’s guest from… *looks to @rosevered* Which Earth did you say you were from again?
Dick:
Dick: *sits down beside them on the carpeted floor and offers to shake their hand* Another one of Robin’s stow-aways, huh? Welcome to the Manor, @rosevered .
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
No matter how many times I tell the Bats that a simple thank you would do, they just won’t listen, so I hope you don’t mind!
THIS I LOVE THIS! LIKE SO MUCH :D💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙
Batman: *working a long-overdue case on the Batcomputer*
Wonder Woman: *walking around the Batcave and admiring the mementos*
Wonder Woman:
Wonder Woman: *swiftly takes out her lasso and prepares to throw it*
Batman: *grabs the lasso in time* Diana, NO!
Wonder Woman: I sense a foreign presence in your cave, Bruce, lurking right behind that monstrous creature –
@nanna-the-batmum: *steps out from behind the dinosaur and into the light*
Wonder Woman: Great Hera…
Batman: They’re… They’re, uh…
Nightwing: *drops down from the ceiling* A guest from a nearby Earth. *winks at @nanna-the-batmum*
Superman: *flies in through the waterfall and dries himself off* Another one, Bruce?
Batman: Another what, Clark?
Robin: *enters with Batcow on a leash* I wonder the same thing, Father. Eight not enough for you?
Batman: Damian, are you implying –
Superman: *extends a hand to @nanna-the-batmum* Hello, I’m Superman. Welcome to our Earth.
Wonder Woman: *does the same* And I’m Diana of Themyscira. I hope you can forgive me for our earlier introduction.
Red Hood: *pulls his motorcycle to a screeching halt* Yo, @nanna-the-batmum, you one of us? Should we start training you?
Batman: *rubs his temples in frustration* Jason, nobody is training –
Red Robin: *parks his car beside Jason’s motorcycle* We could totally just pick you up at your place. Say, 9-ish? Also, don’t mind the tracker on your collar.
Batman: Tim – Hrrnnn. *goes back to work on the Batcomputer*
Alfred: *puts a hand on @nanna-the-batmum‘s shoulder* Clearly it requires quite a bit of energy to be in this family, so might I suggest you try some of the cookies I just baked? I hear they’re delicious. *leads the way to the kitchen*
Mother of bats…..
Yes good
It’s increased exponentially since last I saw it
If you’re still running this beautiful gift of a post, Harper Row is the best and I love catwoman and red hood so much too.
Selina: Look, @charismatic-hothead darlin’, this isn’t for the faint of heart. Even Bruce wasn’t up to the challenge.
Harper: You have to be totally, a-hundred-percent sure you’re up to this.
Officer Grayson: You have the right to take a break from your hectic schedule and have dinner at the Manor. Anything you do or say that’s equivalent to a “no” can and will be used against you in Alfred’s kitchen.
If you can’t afford a plane ticket to Gotham City, Bruce Wayne’ll provide it for you.
Officer Grayson: Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, care to have breakfast with me? I’ve got, like, six kinds of cereal. *grins and offers @chi-townbatgirl a blue-and-black striped hand*
Uhhhhhh i Love it 💜 can i get one with Dami and Alfred If you want to do it 💚
@hoshihime04: *trying to shift positions during a lovely nap but unable to move because of something really heavy…*
@hoshihime04: *eyelids fluttering… blinking… taking in nothing but darkness*
get up* At the young master’s behest, I’ve prepared crispy tofu tacos for the both of you. Now, off to the kitchen you go.
Batman: *stoically*“I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.”
Jason: Look, I know you’re you, but could you maybe not be you for a sec? This is Shakespeare, man! It’s supposed to be dramatic!
Batman: *with a gruff voice and a dramatic flip of the cape* “They do not love that do not show their love.”
Jason: We’re trying to help @kurara-black-blog in the words department, and possibly express our gratitude, so I don’t need you to be broody right now, Ba –
Red Hood: *chugs a can of beer, drops it to the ground, crushes it with his boot, kicks it to the curb, cocks his guns and sprays the can with bullets*
Red Hood: That’s what I think.
Red Hood: Of any form of disrespect towards your iconic icon.
Alfred: That’s enough, Master Jason! Now come inside for a snack. Bring @platinum-soul7 with you.
Red Hood: Oh, @&#+! Alfred’s cookies. Come on! *runs to the Manor*
It keep getting better and better
I can’t help but love it
*what a person finds when they need to study*
Nightwing: *playfully dangling his old Robin uniform on a blue-striped finger* So… You’re not coming with us, @insufferable-bastardz?
Robin: Not with that garbage of a suit, they’re not, Grayson.
Nightwing: *clutches his chest in mock pain* Right where it hurts, baby bro.
Robin: Also, @insufferable-bastardz has every right to be lame if they wanted to be, so. *shrugs and crosses his arms*
Red Robin: *pacing the room and working out an algorithm* Look, @insufferable-bastardz, I can totally hack into the system and change the schedule of any upcoming exam you have. And though I can hear the vessels in Bruce’s eyes pop as I say this, there’s always breaking and entering –
Nightwing: Which he himself does a lot by the way –
Red Hood: *kicks the door down* HEY.
Nightwing:
Red Robin:
Robin: -Tt-
Red Hood: *narrows his eyes at his brothers* If @insufferable-bastardz wants to study, they get to study.
Red Hood: *pulls out a chair and invitingly taps the one next to his* Let’s do this.
Holy masked riders batman! This is one of the few posts that make me happy by just reading it (hiya from mex)
Batman: *typing on the Batcomputer*
Batman: *snorts*
Batman: *clears his throat*
The Signal: Uh… Boss?
Batman: *grinning to himself*
Batman: *clears his throat again and frowns*
Batman: *chuckles*
Red Robin: Oookay there, Bruce?
Robin: -Tt- Father, what is wrong with –
Batman: *full-blown, guttural laughter*
Red Hood: That’s just… creepy.
Alfred: *runs into the cave, still wearing an apron and mittens* Master Bruce, what on earth –
Batman: *gleefully wiping tears from his eyes and rubbing his belly*
Nightwing: It really wasn’t that funny, Bruce.
Batman: @thedeafeningcollectionzombie … Your comment… Dick… *sighing contentedly* S-such awful jokes when he was Robin…
Red Robin: And Officer Grayson. And Agent 37 –
Batgirl: Then Nightwing again –
Spoiler: It kind of grows on you, actually –
Black Bat: *puts a comforting arm around one of Dick’s*
Batman: Just reminded me of the good old days.
Batman: *clears his throat and goes back to typing on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *laughs*Okay, okay. I appreciate you guys putting up with me.
Nightwing: And, @thedeafeningcollectionzombie – or Mex, is it? – hope you have a good laugh, too. *winks*
I love all of these! If you’re still doing it (which you’re probably not) I love Damian and Tim.
💚💚💚
I still remember squealing the first time I read this, thanks!!
Red Robin: … And I couldn’t sleep for, like, eight days.
Superboy: Uh, newsflash: that’s not unusual.
Red Robin: No! I mean, yeah, okay, but this time it wasn’t caffeine or anxiety. It was blood-curdling, Kon. And I live with Damian Wayne.
Superboy: Don’t you think I would’ve heard it then?
Red Robin: Maybe, maybe not? It’s not really – See, it’s –
Red Robin: I trust you with my life. You know that, right?
Superboy: Duh. What’s your point?
Red Robin: *sighs*
Red Robin: Come with me.
Red Robin: *proceeds to lead Conner through a maze of secret passageways throughout the Manor to a steel door*
Red Robin: *takes a prosthetic eyeball out of his utility belt – *
Superboy: Gross, dude!
Red Robin: * – and presents it to a retinal scanner*
1-tonne Door: *slowly opens to reveal a bunch of really awesome, secret stuff that shall not be mentioned here*
Superboy: Woooooooo–
Red Robin: The Bat doesn’t know about this.
Superboy: –aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh–
Robin: *hissing* Will you two idiots shut up?
Red Robin and Superboy: WHAAA!!!
Robin: *jumps down from a dark corner of the ceiling and dusts himself off*
Red Robin: What are you doing here, brat?!
Robin: Drake, did you seriously think that you were the only Robin smart enough to figure this place out?
Superboy: Figure what out exactly… ?
Red Robin: Yeah, congrats, kid, but this is important, so why don’t you go find Kon’s little brother and play outside or someth– *patting one of his utility belt compartments*
Robin: *holding up a prosthetic finger* Looking for this?
Superboy: What is it with your family?!
Red Robin: *rolls his eyes and crosses his arms* Just do it. Show off.
Robin: *places the “finger” against a scanner which activates an alien-looking computer*
Superboy: What is THIS?
Red Robin: Inter-Earth communicator. Underground Wayne Tech.
Superboy: Awessooooooo–
Robin: If anyone finds out about this, Kent, I’ll make sure you wake up in an awesome tub full of Krypton–
Red Robin: Okay, that’s enough, short stuff. They’re on.
Superboy: *watching as two faces slowly come into view on separate panels on screen* They… ?
Robin: Superboy, meet @little-shadowgirl, a worthy admirer, though I fail to understand what they see in Red –
Red Robin: *clears his throat* And @dc-comics-gal, the source of the squeal that woke up me better than any cup of coffee could.
I love that this post just grows and I love it.
Superboy: *spins around in panic* AH! Who said that?!
Robin: *covers Conner’s mouth and silences him with a warning look*
Red Robin: *shutting down the IEC (see previous post) and grabbing hold of his bo staff * Oookay… We’re supposed to be the only ones here.
Red Hood: *coming out of a dark corner* That’s what she – *misses a sword hurled at his face by exactly three millimeters, horrified* What the – KID!
Robin: -Tt-
Red Robin: *facepalms* In his defense, Jay, you had that coming. So you know about this place, too, huh?
Red Hood: *scoffs* How dumb does Bruce think we are?
Red Robin: *shrugs* Maybe he’s been watching us the whole time –
Robin: Perhaps this was Father’s plan all along –
Superboy: WHAT? No, no, no, no, man. I shouldn’t be here. I won’t hear the end of it from Supes if he finds out about this from your dad, of all people!
Red Robin: *slaps Conner on the chest, regrets it immediately and groans internally* Kon, dude, relax. We, like, do stuff like this to Batman all the time.
Superboy: And you actually get away with it?
Red Robin: *looks to Jason*
Red Hood: *looks to Damian*
Robin: -Tt-
Red Robin: Anyway. What were you saying, Jay?
Red Hood: Uhhh…
Superboy: Right before you gave me that Kryptonian heart attack, dude!
Red Hood: First of all, I’m not your dude, and secondly –
Nightwing: *holding @local-witch-of-mn by the arm* Were you looking for them?
Red Hood, Robin and Superboy: AHHHH!!!
Robin: I underestimated your stealth, Grayson –
Nightwing: Uh, guys, you left the gigantic steel door wide open –
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,
a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes
This is the best thing I have ever read in my life
Robin: *hissing*Will you two shut up? Father and Grayson might hear you!
Red Robin: What exactly are you trying to do?
Robin: *carrying@dc-comics-gal into the Batmobile* Trying to sneak them into the Manor! Obviously, Drake!
Red Hood: Well, not that I’d mind seeing the old Bat have a fit, but… why, kid?
Robin: One more question, Todd, and I swear –
Me: Hey, hey, hey! Put the Tumblr user down.
Me: Now, Damian.
Me:
Me: Okay, good.
Me: On our earth, we just say thank you.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
So, thank you!
It’s getting better and better and better 🙂 and I love it 💕
Damian: *shuts his bedroom door behind him*
Dick: Hey, Li’l D –
Dick:
Dick: Is there someone in your room?
Damian: No one! Nothing! None of your business! Now, get out of my way Grayson, I need to find Pennyworth! *rushes past him to the kitchen*
Dick: *slowly opens the door*
Jason: *showing @rosevered some of his favorite 18th century novels* Yo, Dames, you got the tea yet? We’re out –
Dick:
Jason:
Tim: *drops the stack of Xbox games he was carrying*
Dick:
Tim: Uhhh… Damian’s guest from… *looks to @rosevered* Which Earth did you say you were from again?
Dick:
Dick: *sits down beside them on the carpeted floor and offers to shake their hand* Another one of Robin’s stow-aways, huh? Welcome to the Manor, @rosevered .
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
No matter how many times I tell the Bats that a simple thank you would do, they just won’t listen, so I hope you don’t mind!
THIS I LOVE THIS! LIKE SO MUCH :D💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙
Batman: *working a long-overdue case on the Batcomputer*
Wonder Woman: *walking around the Batcave and admiring the mementos*
Wonder Woman:
Wonder Woman: *swiftly takes out her lasso and prepares to throw it*
Batman: *grabs the lasso in time* Diana, NO!
Wonder Woman: I sense a foreign presence in your cave, Bruce, lurking right behind that monstrous creature –
@nanna-the-batmum: *steps out from behind the dinosaur and into the light*
Wonder Woman: Great Hera…
Batman: They’re… They’re, uh…
Nightwing: *drops down from the ceiling* A guest from a nearby Earth. *winks at @nanna-the-batmum*
Superman: *flies in through the waterfall and dries himself off* Another one, Bruce?
Batman: Another what, Clark?
Robin: *enters with Batcow on a leash* I wonder the same thing, Father. Eight not enough for you?
Batman: Damian, are you implying –
Superman: *extends a hand to @nanna-the-batmum* Hello, I’m Superman. Welcome to our Earth.
Wonder Woman: *does the same* And I’m Diana of Themyscira. I hope you can forgive me for our earlier introduction.
Red Hood: *pulls his motorcycle to a screeching halt* Yo, @nanna-the-batmum, you one of us? Should we start training you?
Batman: *rubs his temples in frustration* Jason, nobody is training –
Red Robin: *parks his car beside Jason’s motorcycle* We could totally just pick you up at your place. Say, 9-ish? Also, don’t mind the tracker on your collar.
Batman: Tim – Hrrnnn. *goes back to work on the Batcomputer*
Alfred: *puts a hand on @nanna-the-batmum‘s shoulder* Clearly it requires quite a bit of energy to be in this family, so might I suggest you try some of the cookies I just baked? I hear they’re delicious. *leads the way to the kitchen*
Mother of bats…..
Yes good
It’s increased exponentially since last I saw it
If you’re still running this beautiful gift of a post, Harper Row is the best and I love catwoman and red hood so much too.
Selina: Look, @charismatic-hothead darlin’, this isn’t for the faint of heart. Even Bruce wasn’t up to the challenge.
Harper: You have to be totally, a-hundred-percent sure you’re up to this.
Officer Grayson: You have the right to take a break from your hectic schedule and have dinner at the Manor. Anything you do or say that’s equivalent to a “no” can and will be used against you in Alfred’s kitchen.
If you can’t afford a plane ticket to Gotham City, Bruce Wayne’ll provide it for you.
Officer Grayson: Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, care to have breakfast with me? I’ve got, like, six kinds of cereal. *grins and offers @chi-townbatgirl a blue-and-black striped hand*
Uhhhhhh i Love it 💜 can i get one with Dami and Alfred If you want to do it 💚
@hoshihime04: *trying to shift positions during a lovely nap but unable to move because of something really heavy…*
@hoshihime04: *eyelids fluttering… blinking… taking in nothing but darkness*
get up* At the young master’s behest, I’ve prepared crispy tofu tacos for the both of you. Now, off to the kitchen you go.
Batman: *stoically*“I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.”
Jason: Look, I know you’re you, but could you maybe not be you for a sec? This is Shakespeare, man! It’s supposed to be dramatic!
Batman: *with a gruff voice and a dramatic flip of the cape* “They do not love that do not show their love.”
Jason: We’re trying to help @kurara-black-blog in the words department, and possibly express our gratitude, so I don’t need you to be broody right now, Ba –
Red Hood: *chugs a can of beer, drops it to the ground, crushes it with his boot, kicks it to the curb, cocks his guns and sprays the can with bullets*
Red Hood: That’s what I think.
Red Hood: Of any form of disrespect towards your iconic icon.
Alfred: That’s enough, Master Jason! Now come inside for a snack. Bring @platinum-soul7 with you.
Red Hood: Oh, @&#+! Alfred’s cookies. Come on! *runs to the Manor*
It keep getting better and better
I can’t help but love it
*what a person finds when they need to study*
Nightwing: *playfully dangling his old Robin uniform on a blue-striped finger* So… You’re not coming with us, @insufferable-bastardz?
Robin: Not with that garbage of a suit, they’re not, Grayson.
Nightwing: *clutches his chest in mock pain* Right where it hurts, baby bro.
Robin: Also, @insufferable-bastardz has every right to be lame if they wanted to be, so. *shrugs and crosses his arms*
Red Robin: *pacing the room and working out an algorithm* Look, @insufferable-bastardz, I can totally hack into the system and change the schedule of any upcoming exam you have. And though I can hear the vessels in Bruce’s eyes pop as I say this, there’s always breaking and entering –
Nightwing: Which he himself does a lot by the way –
Red Hood: *kicks the door down* HEY.
Nightwing:
Red Robin:
Robin: -Tt-
Red Hood: *narrows his eyes at his brothers* If @insufferable-bastardz wants to study, they get to study.
Red Hood: *pulls out a chair and invitingly taps the one next to his* Let’s do this.
Holy masked riders batman! This is one of the few posts that make me happy by just reading it (hiya from mex)
Batman: *typing on the Batcomputer*
Batman: *snorts*
Batman: *clears his throat*
The Signal: Uh… Boss?
Batman: *grinning to himself*
Batman: *clears his throat again and frowns*
Batman: *chuckles*
Red Robin: Oookay there, Bruce?
Robin: -Tt- Father, what is wrong with –
Batman: *full-blown, guttural laughter*
Red Hood: That’s just… creepy.
Alfred: *runs into the cave, still wearing an apron and mittens* Master Bruce, what on earth –
Batman: *gleefully wiping tears from his eyes and rubbing his belly*
Nightwing: It really wasn’t that funny, Bruce.
Batman: @thedeafeningcollectionzombie … Your comment… Dick… *sighing contentedly* S-such awful jokes when he was Robin…
Red Robin: And Officer Grayson. And Agent 37 –
Batgirl: Then Nightwing again –
Spoiler: It kind of grows on you, actually –
Black Bat: *puts a comforting arm around one of Dick’s*
Batman: Just reminded me of the good old days.
Batman: *clears his throat and goes back to typing on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *laughs*Okay, okay. I appreciate you guys putting up with me.
Nightwing: And, @thedeafeningcollectionzombie – or Mex, is it? – hope you have a good laugh, too. *winks*
I love all of these! If you’re still doing it (which you’re probably not) I love Damian and Tim.
💚💚💚
I still remember squealing the first time I read this, thanks!!
Red Robin: … And I couldn’t sleep for, like, eight days.
Superboy: Uh, newsflash: that’s not unusual.
Red Robin: No! I mean, yeah, okay, but this time it wasn’t caffeine or anxiety. It was blood-curdling, Kon. And I live with Damian Wayne.
Superboy: Don’t you think I would’ve heard it then?
Red Robin: Maybe, maybe not? It’s not really – See, it’s –
Red Robin: I trust you with my life. You know that, right?
Superboy: Duh. What’s your point?
Red Robin: *sighs*
Red Robin: Come with me.
Red Robin: *proceeds to lead Conner through a maze of secret passageways throughout the Manor to a steel door*
Red Robin: *takes a prosthetic eyeball out of his utility belt – *
Superboy: Gross, dude!
Red Robin: * – and presents it to a retinal scanner*
1-tonne Door: *slowly opens to reveal a bunch of really awesome, secret stuff that shall not be mentioned here*
Superboy: Woooooooo–
Red Robin: The Bat doesn’t know about this.
Superboy: –aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh–
Robin: *hissing* Will you two idiots shut up?
Red Robin and Superboy: WHAAA!!!
Robin: *jumps down from a dark corner of the ceiling and dusts himself off*
Red Robin: What are you doing here, brat?!
Robin: Drake, did you seriously think that you were the only Robin smart enough to figure this place out?
Superboy: Figure what out exactly… ?
Red Robin: Yeah, congrats, kid, but this is important, so why don’t you go find Kon’s little brother and play outside or someth– *patting one of his utility belt compartments*
Robin: *holding up a prosthetic finger* Looking for this?
Superboy: What is it with your family?!
Red Robin: *rolls his eyes and crosses his arms* Just do it. Show off.
Robin: *places the “finger” against a scanner which activates an alien-looking computer*
Superboy: What is THIS?
Red Robin: Inter-Earth communicator. Underground Wayne Tech.
Superboy: Awessooooooo–
Robin: If anyone finds out about this, Kent, I’ll make sure you wake up in an awesome tub full of Krypton–
Red Robin: Okay, that’s enough, short stuff. They’re on.
Superboy: *watching as two faces slowly come into view on separate panels on screen* They… ?
Robin: Superboy, meet @little-shadowgirl, a worthy admirer, though I fail to understand what they see in Red –
Red Robin: *clears his throat* And @dc-comics-gal, the source of the squeal that woke up me better than any cup of coffee could.
I love that this post just grows and I love it.
Superboy: *spins around in panic* AH! Who said that?!
Robin: *covers Conner’s mouth and silences him with a warning look*
Red Robin: *shutting down the IEC (see previous post) and grabbing hold of his bo staff * Oookay… We’re supposed to be the only ones here.
Red Hood: *coming out of a dark corner* That’s what she – *misses a sword hurled at his face by exactly three millimeters, horrified* What the – KID!
Robin: -Tt-
Red Robin: *facepalms* In his defense, Jay, you had that coming. So you know about this place, too, huh?
Red Hood: *scoffs* How dumb does Bruce think we are?
Red Robin: *shrugs* Maybe he’s been watching us the whole time –
Robin: Perhaps this was Father’s plan all along –
Superboy: WHAT? No, no, no, no, man. I shouldn’t be here. I won’t hear the end of it from Supes if he finds out about this from your dad, of all people!
Red Robin: *slaps Conner on the chest, regrets it immediately and groans internally* Kon, dude, relax. We, like, do stuff like this to Batman all the time.
Superboy: And you actually get away with it?
Red Robin: *looks to Jason*
Red Hood: *looks to Damian*
Robin: -Tt-
Red Robin: Anyway. What were you saying, Jay?
Red Hood: Uhhh…
Superboy: Right before you gave me that Kryptonian heart attack, dude!
Red Hood: First of all, I’m not your dude, and secondly –
Nightwing: *holding @local-witch-of-mn by the arm* Were you looking for them?
Red Hood, Robin and Superboy: AHHHH!!!
Robin: I underestimated your stealth, Grayson –
Nightwing: Uh, guys, you left the gigantic steel door wide open –
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 