When Clark met Bruce…
Superman: You look familiar. Have we met?
Batman: We’re not even meeting now.
Batman: *smoke bomb*
Tag: clark kent
Lois: Smallville? I thought you were in Gotham City.
Superman: I was asked to leave.
He works alone, Clark. You know this.
Superman: Bruce.
Batman: Yes?
Superman: *takes a deep breath*
Superman: You’re a stalker.
Batman: Hn. I prefer to be called “boundary-challenged”.
That one time Superman wasn’t fast enough to do Robin’s homework…
Bruce: I assume you finished reading “Lord of the Flies” for your book report?
Dick: Mm-hm.
Bruce: Oh, good. How did you like it?
Dick: I thought it was… a timeless American classic.
Bruce: I see. So tell me, what is it about?
Dick: You mean the book?
Bruce: Yes, the book.
Dick: It’s called “Lord of the Flies”. And it’s about a really big fly that all the other flies pray to.
So, no more secret adventures with Clark for a while, Dick. You’re the son of the World’s Greatest Detective.
Also, Jason would’ve been able to answer all those questions without batting an eyelash.
After finding out that Red Hood’s a former Robin…
Superman: I know this comes as a shock to you –
Batman: Please, Clark. If I had a nickel for every time one of my sons died, got resurrected by an assassin overlord’s daughter, and came back as a lethal antihero, I’d haVE A NICKEL!
Batman:
Justice League:
Batman: *has four pairs of pixie boots under his cape and two domino mask-covered pairs of eyes peeking out of it*
Justice League: …
Superman: So, Bruce… Why didn’t you tell us you had children?
Batman: Okay, here’s the deal. I didn’t want you to know.
Because he works alone, okay?
Dick: Superman is my spirit guide.
Jason: Did you say man-crush?
Dick: No. I’m pretty sure it was “shut up”.
Topics to avoid when you’re having a drink with your best friend…
Bruce [to Clark]: Feelings? What am I, a hippie at a love-in?
When Batman gets a cold…
Superman: Bruce, don’t you think you’re overreacting?
Batman: *rummaging through his file cabinets and lab equipment in the Batcave*
Batman: When I’m lying comatose in a hospital, relying on inferior minds to cure me, these cultures and my accompanying notes will give them a fighting chance, Clark.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Shoot at him. Set him on fire. Send him to alternate dimensions not compatible with human survival. Just… not the common cold.
After years of melodramatic friendship…
Batman: *outside the Fortress of Solitude* Knock, knock.
Superman: Who’s there?
Batman: Hrrrn. You’re there.
Superman: And I’ll always be there, Bruce.
Just open the darn door, Clark. And quit it with this passphrase-for-best friends-only routine.
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