Inviting your best friend to your hometown be like…
Clark: *driving to Smallville* Bruce, I know you have some very definite expectations for this weekend.
Bruce: *on the passenger’s seat* Why do you think that?
Clark: Because you sent me an e-mail three days ago that said, “Clark, I have some very definite expectations for this weekend”.
Superman: *grabs a pair of swimming shorts from a duffel bag*
Superman: *starts removing his suit*
Superman: *pauses*
Batman: Hn.
Superman: *sighs*
Superman: We’re only on our third “the world is screwed” issue in, what, three years?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Yeah, Bruce. Live a little. Also, start packing. You need to teleport back to earth – preferably to the Caribbean – before sundown.
Superman: *grabbing a pair of swimming shorts from a duffel bag*
Superman: *starts removing his suit*
Superman: *pauses*
Batman: Hn.
Superman: *sighs*
Superman: We’re only on our third “the world is screwed” issue in, what, three years?
Yeah, Bruce. Live a little. Also, start packing. You need to teleport back to earth – preferably to the Caribbean – before sundown.
Superman: *watching the Gotham News Network channel on the Batcomputer* Sheesh. Can’t we get the news without the drama?
Batman: *working on a case* Can’t we get you without the flannel?
Wha – He’ll have you know that it happens to be a very practical and comfortable fashion choice on the farm, thank you.
You know that end scene in “Justice League” (2017)?
Bruce: Can I start buying you things now?
Clark: No, you can’t. But, hey, I’ll tell you what. You can buy Lois stuff.
Bruce: I know you’d like a new tractor.
Clark: Lois would love a new tractor.
Uh huh, Clark.
Also, Bruce buying him things? Canon. And by “things”, I mean real estate property and stuff. And by “canon”, I mean canon, folks.
Patrolling with your best friend be like…
Superman: I just need you to not do that thing you do.
Batman: Hn. What thing? I don’t do a “thing”, Clark.
Superman: Yes, you do! You get all mean and you make that broody face, Bruce!
Yes, Damian and Jon, this is how your fathers behave when they’re not busy lecturing you on propriety.
Superman: *whispering to Wonder Woman* If I had a dollar for every person I couldn’t hang out with because they didn’t like Batman, I’d be rich. Like fill-my-tractor-tank-up-all-the-way rich.
Meanwhile….
Batman: *turning off his earpiece* Hn.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
He may not have super hearing, but your best friend’s got super surveillance equipment, Clark.
When Batman’s sons come over to your city and you hear about it at work…
Lois: Hey, Smallville. There are a few developments. You might want to make some room on the front page.
Clark: *raises an eyebrow*
No need to worry, Superman. It’s just your nephews wreaking havoc on some Gotham City criminals who thought they could hide out in Metropolis.
That one time Superman’s wish to ride the Batmobile was granted…
Bruce: You have so much in common with Dick.
Clark: 😀
Bruce: Non-stop chatter during drives.
Clark: 😐
Dick: I missed you so much that I couldn’t concentrate in school and I got an “F”, Bruce!
Bruce: This is dated two weeks ago.
Dick: Oh, sorry. *takes out a crumpled slip of paper from his pocket* Here’s a fresh one.
Really, Richard? It had nothing to do with Robin’s secret patrols with Superman?
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