Superman: Bruce, admit it. You just can’t say no to anyone. That’s why you have eight kids.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
… And counting.
Tag: clark kent
Superman: *looking around the Batcave, amused* You know what your problem is? You’re a hoarder.
Batman: Yeah, a hoarder of truth.
Lois: *lying in bed, drawing circles on Clark’s bare chest using her finger*
Phone: *vibrates*
Clark: Ah, it’s Bruce.
Lois: Don’t get it.
Clark: It could be work.
Lois: That’s why I said don’t get it.
Looking for the last surviving box of Twinkies in the Watchtower be like…
Green Lantern: Batman! You’ve got to break Bats. Superman tells him everything.
The Flash: Those tiny ears hold so many secrets.
Really. Of all the superheroes you’re gonna attempt to get to gossip it’s Batman. Really.
When your super best friend could give Saran wrap a lesson…
Batman: *ignores vibrations coming from his pocket*
Wonder Woman: How many times a day does Clark text you?
Batman: Hrrrn.
Batman: Just… 40.
Superman: Bruce and I text every day. 😁
Wonder Woman: Really? 🤔
Superman: Well, I text every day, and sometimes he texts back. 🤷♂
Superman: Bruce, you are the only person in the Watchtower allowed to be raggedly honest because I know I can’t stop you.
After interrogating a criminal mastermind together…
Superman: *wriggling his eyebrows* How was my “bad cop”?
Batman: You were unbelievable.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Literally, Clark. Bruce couldn’t believe you as a “bad cop”. Nor could he believe that he agreed to let you play one.
At the Watchtower…
Justice League: *watching surveillance, Youtube and news footage on the mainframe computer*
Batman: *walks into the room and sees Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin and Lark (and a bunch of burning buildings and screaming citizens) on the screen*
Superman: *arms crossed*
Wonder Woman: *hands on hips, shaking her head*
Aquaman: *raises an eyebrow*
The Flash: *wide-eyed*
Green Lantern: *biting his lip to suppress a smirk*
Cyborg: Wo-ho-hoooooo.
Batman: Hn.
Batman: Whatever they did, add it to my tab.
Batman: *walks out*
And if you were convinced that Batman went back to work at the Watchtower after walking calmly and collectedly out of that room, then you probably didn’t even consider that he’d run to the teleporters at top speed to get back to Earth and do damage control (a.k.a. give his kids a piece of his mind).
Evenings in the Batcave…
Batman: *typing on the Batcomputer*
Red Robin: *tuning up the Redbird*
Batman: Fart.
Red Robin:
Red Robin: Uh…
Red Robin: Did you say “fart”?
Batman: Yes. That’s me being rather silly.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And, to this day, no one believes Tim.
Superman: *fighting Parademons on Apokolips*
Superman:
Superman: *chuckles* Fart.
~ • ~ • ~ •
I mean if Clark can canonically single out Bruce’s heartbeat while flying over earth, I think he can hear him say “Fart”.
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