Batman: *opening his eyes gingerly*
Batman: *recalling that he’d been badly beaten up and pushed off a tower by a villain, then realizing that he’s currently hundreds of feet up in the air*
Batman: Cl-Clark? What the –
Superman: *carrying him, bridal style* Bruce, with all due respect, shut up. I’m saving you.
Saving the coordinates of his Fortress of Solitude on Batman’s communicator…
Superman: If you ever want to save the world again, you know where I am. *finger-guns*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Bat “Like I Don’t Already Know Where It Is” Man
Bat “Like I’m Gonna Call You” Man
Bat “I Hate Guns, Cut That Out” Man
At the Justice League Awards…
Superman: … And the “Young Justice Mentor of the Year” is… *opens envelope*
Wonder Woman: Batman!
Crowd: *mixture of boos and cheers*
Batman: *goes to the podium*
Batman: Hn. This is not my fault. I tried to be a jerk.
Gossiping about Clark and Conner’s “situation”…
Diana: I really doubt that he’s just abandoning Conner… I mean, he’s his father!
Bruce: Diana, his exact words were, “I know I’m your father, but I’m abandoning you.”
Batman: You know, Superman, I take it all back. I’m beginning to find your companionship extremely useful.
Superman: *grins proudly*
Batman: It’s like white noise. It puts me in a state where I think and observe better.
Batman and Superman undercover (as their civilian selves) on official Justice League business…
Bruce: Nice room.
Clark: I took the liberty of booking the whole floor. Your card.
Bruce: Guess I can use the miles.
Attending a charity gala your best friend invited you to be like…
Clark [to Bruce]: You look fine, Bruce. You just look… angry. All the time.
Batman [to the rest of the Justice League]: If anybody has a problem with how I utilize all the tools at my disposal, be it Superman, my Robins, or the coffee machine, there’s the door. Back to work.
Clark Kent, a.k.a. Superman: You give me a gift? Bam! “Thank You” note. You invite me somewhere? Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor? Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.
Batman: *walks into the Watchtower’s Hall of Justice*
Batman: *narrows his eyes* Hn.
Batman: *swiftly turns on the light*
Everyone: SURPRISE, BRUCE!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! *confetti explosions, colorful bat-shaped balloons, tooting horns*
Batman: *wide-eyed, open-mouthed and motionless*
Wonder Woman: *checks him for a pulse*
Superman: *whispers in his ear* I know it’s your specialty, but let’s try not to overthink this one, okay?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Aww, you guys! Don’t scare him like that.
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