Dick: Timmy, what would you do if you were attacked by an invisible, malevolent force?
Tim: *shrugs* I’d tell Jason to lay off the bean burritos at lunch.
Tag: caffeinated crusader
Damian: *walks away after insulting Jason*
Jason: He’s a mean kid.
Tim: So, what? You’re mean, too.
Jason: Yes, but not to you!
Tim: Yesterday you told me my head was too big for my neck.
Jason: That was… constructive criticism.
Tim: Well, what am I supposed to do about it, Jay?!
Jason: As a brother, my job is only to point things out.
Conner: Tim, have you ever been beaten up before?
Tim: Yeah, sure.
Conner: By someone besides Damian?
Jason: Did I tell you I got pepper-sprayed today?
Tim: You say that like it’s a good thing.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And that was just for entering Damian’s room.
Conner: Wait, you signed up to go to Mars? When?
Tim: A couple of years ago.
Conner: Where was I?
Tim: *shrugs* We were fighting.
… and the resulting lack of sleep led to some very interesting decisions.
When your sleep-deprived, teenaged brother won’t come out of his room for three days straight…
Jason: *flips the light open*
Tim: *hisses*
Jason: You’re indoors and it’s dark. Take off the sunglasses. You look stupid.
Damian: Drake, what’s your middle name?
Tim: “Danger”.
Dick: Something with a ‘J’…
Jason: It’s “Jackson”. Wow, I’m so sad I know that.
When your sleep-deprived brother’s eager to meet his date to the Wayne Foundation gala…
Tam: *walks into the ballroom*
Tim: *clumsily smoothing down his suit* No! She’s here early! How do I look?
Jason: *eyeing Tim’s ruffled hair, bruised cheek, lopsided bowtie, half-untucked dress shirt and muddy patrol boots* It’s better if you didn’t know.
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim: I’m losing my mind, guys. I sometimes touch the frayed part of the power cord just to feel something.
Alfred: *swiftly takes a step to the side to hide a frayed wire jutting from the kitchen wall*
Jason: *carefully pries the mug of espresso off Tim’s pale, trembling fingers*
Damian: *stealthily moves the butter knife away from Tim’s grasp*
Dick: *grabs Tim’s face and buries it on his chest in a tight hug*
Bruce: *closes the Gotham Gazette, stands up, then fireman-carries his heavily sleep-deprived son up to his room*
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *following Tim around the kitchen* Lotus Bear Relax! I can smell it on you right now!
Tim: *slapping his hand away* Stop smelling my hair, dude!
Jason: Do you know how much that stuff cost?
Tim: I didn’t use your conditioner, Jay!
Jason: Then why does your hair look so baby soft?!
Alfred: *sighs*
Alfred: *adds “conditioner” to grocery list*
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