How to “borrow” your brother’s stuff…
Tim: Jason, where’s my radiation suit?
Jason: *placing duct tape over the Red Robin logo of the suit he’s wearing* How the heck should I know?
Tag: caffeinated crusader
During Tim’s first days as Robin…
Tim: You can’t be fired from your own family. Can you?
Dick:
Bruce:
Dick: *sarcastically clears throat*
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim and Damian: *bickering at the breakfast table*
Bruce: Quiet, you two! If I hear one more word, Tim doesn’t get to drink coffee and Damian doesn’t get to go on patrol.
Tim: Bruce!
Damian: Father!
Bruce: Not. One. Word.
Tim and Damian: *start insulting each other by lightly tapping spoons and banging salt and pepper shakers*
Bruce: I thought I told you two to knock it off.
Tim: We didn’t say anything!
Damian: Not one word!
Bruce: Well, no Morse code either.
Tim: *whispering* What’s your hurry?
Jason: *grabbing his leather jacket and kicking three-day-old garbage underneath the sofa* This place is depressing.
Dick: *yelling from the kitchen* Hey! I live here!
Jason: *yelling back* And I’m sure it’s a blast once you get used to it!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Maybe if you cleaned up once in a while before these family visits, Nightwing…
When Tim met Damian (an alternative version)…
Damian: *spots Tim sleeping by the Batcomputer* -Tt-
Damian: *nudges him* Wake up.
Tim: *wide-eyed and looking around the Batcave in a panic*
Tim: *wiping slobber off his face* Who in the world are you?
Damian: I’m your new brother.
Tim: Are you from the orphanage or do I really not undersand how babies are born?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
But you do understand how Robins work, right?
Tim: Jay, why did you take the blame?
Jason: I didn’t want you to wreck your life. You’ve got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I’ll be right there to borrow money.
Jason: Wow. Little Timmy, the new CEO of Wayne Enterprises. I feel so full of… What’s the opposite of shame?
Dick: Pride?
Jason: No, not that far from shame.
Dick: Less shame?
Jason: *beaming with pride* Yeah.
Tim: *watching as Damian furiously stomps away*
Tim: He really doesn’t like me.
Dick: *sighs* He doesn’t. But he didn’t have to say it to your face.
Mission up in the Himalayan Mountains…
Red Robin: I’m feeling perfectly warm.
Red Hood: That’s because you’re like a little Komodo dragon. An ice queen.
Red Robin: Or because I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
Red Hood: I’ll give you $50 for it right now.
When Jason finds a way into the Fifth Dimension,uncertain of what – or who – exactly he’s facing, knowing only that Tim’s in there somewhere and that he’s not leaving without his younger brother…
Red Hood [to an astral projection of Mister Mxyzptlk]: I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money…
Red Hood: But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for creatures like you.
Red Hood: If you let my brother go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you.
Red Hood: But if you don’t, I will look for you.
Red Hood: I will find you.
Red Hood: And I will kill you.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Astral projection of Batman from out of nowhere: Jason, we do not kill.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 