Tag: caffeinated crusader

Robin [to Red Robin]: Father asked me to help you with a non-existent test… ?

Red Hood [to Nightwing]: And Bruce asked me to pal around with you for a “mission” in Ireland…

Alfred: It’s a little “Parent Trap”, young masters. Your father was trying to create some peace in the Batcave.

Security alarm at the Titans Tower: INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!

Impulse: *runs out of the conference room*

Impulse: *runs back into the conference room half a second later*

Impulse: *panting* I saw a freaky, terrifying man!

Robin: *not looking up from what he’s reading* That’s just Batman.

Mission on a remote island…

Red Robin: *cutting through jungle foliage with his bo staff* Brat, who are you talking to – Oh, #*$@!!!

Alien: BLARG!

Robin: *standing in front of the nine-foot-tall, Predator-looking creature, ready to defend it* Stop! He is my friend! He’s not going to eat anybody!

Red Hood: *yelling from behind a bush* Yeah! Says you stink too much to eat!

Trying to get your brother to make healthier choices be like…

Nightwing: *laying the blueprint for a warehouse across the street on the rooftop deck*

Red Robin: *setting up surveillance equipment*

Robin: *adjusting Goliath’s leash*

Red Hood: *coughs*

Red Robin: Wait a second, are you smoking inside of your helment again?

Red Hood: What? No.

Red Hood: *tries to stifle another cough as smoke comes out of the vents in his helmet* Oops.

Nightwing: *locating Alfred on his communicator* I knew this would happen. And how many snack cakes have you had today?

Red Hood: None.

Nightwing, Red Robin and Robin: *glare at him*

Red Hood: Okay, five… or more. Baker’s dozen at most.

Robin: Do you even know how many there are in a baker’s dozen, Todd?

Red Hood: By my count? Forty-eight.

Post-mission debriefing…

Batman: *listening*

Nightwing: At first, it didn’t seem physically possible.

Red Robin: But modern-day technology makes anything possible. It was as easy as Shake-‘N-Bake!

Red Hood: *wiggles eyebrows* And I helped.

Robin: Actually, Todd, I don’t really know if snickering in the corner all night like a prepubescent monkey actually qualifies as help, but it sure was entertaining.

Red Hood: Hey, @shywritersblogsworld , you know what else gives you life? The Lazaru–

Robin: *shoves Jason out of the way* Lame! Try using a Chaos Sha–

Red Robin: Well, there’s also teleporting.

Red Hood and Robin: *slowly turn their heads towards Tim and glare at him*

Red Hood: You did not just say what I thought you said.

Robin: That. Doesn’t. Count. Drake.

Red Robin: But I –

Red Hood: Didn’t actually die!

Robin: *fist-bumps Jason* Thank you, Todd!

Red Robin: I just cannot catch a break with you guys!

Nightwing: *listening to his younger brothers bickering* You know what? I’m not even gonna… Let’s just get out of here. *puts an arm around @shywritersblogsworld and leads them out of the room*

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

Thank you, @shywritersblogsworld ! Thanks for dropping by!

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Breakfast at the Manor…

Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *

Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*

Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.

Duke:

Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*

Duke:

Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.

Jason: *turns his seat to face @rayanyamor*And you felt the need to point it out because…?

Alfred: *conficates Jason’s Pop-Tarts and starts passing out plates of blueberry waffles to everyone at the table* Young masters, I implore you to let our guest have breakfast in peace.

Jason: Alf, wha–

Tim: *pops coffee beans into his mouth* But it’s a legit question, though.

Damian: *climbs on top of the kitchen table and brings his face so close to @rayanyamor’s that they’re practically nose-to-nose* What makes you so sure that we weren’t referring to another Robin?

Dick: *walks into the kitchen already eating from a cereal box* Good morning, family! What’re we talking about now? And where’s Dune?

Me: *drags my hand down my face in anguish* It was a typo. A typo.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

Thank you, @rayanyamor !

Sending your brothers off to a mission when you’re stuck doing monitor duty at the Batcave be like…

Red Hood: Good luck, everyone. I packed you all lunches for the trip.

Nightwing: Thanks, Jay. That was really nice of you.

Red Robin: Not really. All my bag had was an air filter and a thermos full of brake fluid.

Robin: *peeks into his own lunch bag* Tt.

Red Hood: Don’t forget to wash your exhaust pipe every day!