Nightwing: “B-Team” roll call. Hood?
Red Hood: *cocks guns* Here and handsome!
Nightwing: Little D?
Robin: *brandishes katana* Here and crazy!
Nightwing: Red?
Red Robin: *twirls Bo staff* I pity the fool! But also suggest ways he may better himself.
Batman: Hn.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And this is what happens when “Family Patrol Night” comes right after “Family Movie Night”.
Tag: caffeinated crusader
Dancing with your “fiancé” at a Wayne Enterprises gala be like…
Tam: I think your hand is supposed to be on my hip.
Tim: Right. Apparently I learned the girls’ part of this dance. Would you mind leading?
Jason: *doing wheelies, stoppies, and burnouts*
Jason: *jumps while his motorcycle’s mid-air, does a backflip, then gets back on and lands gracefully in front of Tim*
Tim: *sips coffee* This morning I saw a YouTube video of a puppy riding a motorcycle, so my bar for stunning is pretty high.
Tim: Aaaarrrggh, you are such a sore loser, Damian!
Damian: I am not a sore loser, Drake. It’s just that I prefer to win, and when I don’t, I get furious.
Red Robin: *crouching behind the giant coin in the Batcave*
Nightwing: *walks in*
Red Robin: *to his walkie-talkie* The Hug Machine is here. I repeat, the Hug Machine is here. Smiling on all cylinders.
The rest of the Batfamily: *temporarily stop brooding to find hiding places*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Dick tends to get in the way of angst and sadness.
When you teach your sons how to be financially responsible and ask them to present an account of their expenses…
Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian *hand over haphazardly stacked pieces of paper*
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: Most of these aren’t even receipts. This one says, “I bought a Robmobile, 2010″.
Tim: Jay, why did you take the blame?
Jason: I didn’t want you to wreck your life. You’ve got the brains and the talent to go as far as you want. And when you do, I’ll be right there to borrow money.
When asked how he spent time with his brothers yesterday…
Jason: The dentist pulled my tooth out. It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to the guys that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
Jason: Plus, it’s always fun to see Tim faint.
Tim: Jason, can you please be quiet? I can’t hear myself not talking to Damian.
Looking at Gotham City crime rate statistics on the Batcomputer…
Jason: Man, a thirty-five percent increase!
Tim: It’s actually thirty-four point two percent.
Jason: Thirty-four point two percent.
Jason: *in a robotic voice, doing a robotic walk* I am Timothy, the Numbers Robot.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 